Reno 911!, Season 1 Quotes

Deputy James Garcia:
Oh, God, call for help.

Deputy Trudy Wiegel:
Help! Help!

Deputy James Garcia:
Use your goddamn radio.

Deputy Raineesha Williams:
White people are crazy.

Deputy Raineesha Williams:
Y'know what I'm sayin'?

Deputy Jones:
OK, let me tell you...D.T.A.M.S: Don't take another motherf***ing step.

Deputy Trudy Wiegel:
What's that, Ter?

Terry:
Mexican werewolves are coming up from Mexico and selling crack.

Terry:
Hey, guys!

Lieutenant Jim Dangle:
Hey.

Terry:
What's goin' down?

Lieutenant Jim Dangle:
Well, I'll tell ya what's goin' down, Terry: you know that they've installed a camera right here at this red light here.

Terry:
Oh my God!

Lieutenant Jim Dangle:
Yeah, and it takes a picture whenever someone runs a red light.

Terry:
Oh wow, that's awesome, it's like the future is here.

Lieutenant Jim Dangle:
It is awesome.

Deputy Travis Junior:
So you know why we're here?

Terry:
Why, was there a fire?

Lieutenant Jim Dangle:
You've been chargin' three bucks, you run up when the car is at a red light, and you give a HJ during the red light.

Terry:
Oh my God, that sounds, that's not something that I would ever do.

Deputy Travis Junior:
Except we've got about...

Lieutenant Jim Dangle:
We got about 38 photos of you and that's only last night.

Terry:
Well, I can see how you would think that, but I sell... oranges.

Deputy Travis Junior:
You sell oranges?

Lieutenant Jim Dangle:
You sell oranges?

Terry:
Mmhm!

Lieutenant Jim Dangle:
I'll take some.

Deputy Travis Junior:
Yeah, I'd like some too.

Terry:
I've sold out, I've sold out of my oranges...I run out and people are like beep beep, I go OK, and say you're driving and I just put it in their lap.

Lieutenant Jim Dangle:
Well...

Deputy Junior:
I don't know about that.

Lieutenant Jim Dangle:
Come on, Terry.

Terry:
I can't, I have to call my girlfriend... listen I don't even know what you're talking about.

Begins tugging Terry away on his roller skates

Deputy Travis Junior:
We're talking about you giving hand jobs at three bucks a pop at this red light up here, that's what we're talking about.

Terry:
OK, OK, a hand job is still a job, OK?

Lieutenant Jim Dangle:
Come on, easy does it, Xanadu it right into the car.

Terry:
You Xana-Don't it!

Lieutenant Jim Dangle:
Did he just say "Xana-Don't it?"

Deputy Trudy Wiegel:
Now, I don't care if you wear mini-skirts. I don't care if you wear Dungarees. I don't care if you're good at basketball, I don't care if you're fun to be around. But you can rest assured that every one of you, at some point, is going to be raped.

Deputy James Garcia:
God vomited and there was Jackie.

Season 1 Quotes:
Terry: Have you ever had skittles? They're like pure sugar!

Season 1 Quotes:
Officer Garcia has been shot

Season 1 Quotes:
repeated line

Season 1 Quotes:
Deputy Trudy Wiegel: Lt. Dangle and I have a very special relationship. We're like a brother and sister...except a brother and sister who have sex.

Season 1 Quotes:
Talking to a Klan member

Season 1 Quotes:
Terry: I heard a rumor.

Season 1 Quotes:
Lieutenant Jim Dangle: Hey, Terry! Sheriff's Department!

Season 1 Quotes:
talking to a junior-high class

Season 1 Quotes:
Deputy Garcia: Criminals are the vomit of society and we are the sawdust.

Season 1 Quotes:
said of a prostitute

Season 1 Quotes:
Deputy Trudy Wiegel: Raineesha Williams is a loudmouth, backstabbing Jew. I wanna say Jew but I think she's in fact very openly Catholic, which I have a problem with, too.

Season 1 Quotes:
Jackie the Hooker: Shit, my wig falls off...now everybody knows I don't have cancer...