Saturday Night Live, Season 26

Jim Lehrer (Chris Parnell):
Well, that brings us to the close of tonight's debate. Each candidate will now give a brief closing statement.

Al Gore (Darrell Hammond):
Jim, may I make two closing statements?

Jim Lehrer:
I'm afraid not. In fact, we are almost out of time, so I will instead ask each candidate to sum up, in a single word, the best argument for his candidacy. Governor Bush?

George W. Bush (Will Ferrell):
Strategery.

Jim Lehrer:
Vice-President Gore.

Al Gore:
Lock-box.

Tracy Morgan:
Live from New York, it's Jennifer Lopez's booty!

Tina Fey:
According to a report released Tuesday, female inmates in the United States have been victims of sexual misconduct by corrections employees in every state, except Minnesota. So ladies, if you wanna rob a bank, but you don't want your cooter poked, head to beautiful Minnesota, land of 10,000 lakes.

Centaur Doctor:
Are we going to ask any questions about my medical background?

Interviewing Doctor:
The rest of the interview will be centaur questions.

Interviewing Doctor:
Is there centaur pornography?

Centaur Doctor:
Yes, there is centaur porn.

Interviewing Doctor:
If I were to watch centaur porn, but with a piece of cardboard covering the horse parts, would I find the female actresses attractive?

Centaur Doctor:
Probably, but you gotta remember: sooner or later, there's gonna be a horse penis in there.

Chris Matthews:
That's tough talk coming from a people whose only contribution to Western culture is Gerard Depardieu and that horny skunk!