Static Shock, Season 1

[opening of the episode; a trio of theives are looting an electronics warehouse.]

Duke (Blue Coat):
Speed it up. We don't have all night.

2nd Thief (Grey Coat):
Why you sweating me, Duke? The guards are on ice, the alarm's shut off, everything's covered.

[As the 2nd Thief carries a TV set to the warehouse's entrance, the warehouse lights power up as he walks under them. Unseen to him, electricity surges into the TV's plug as he sets foot outside the entrance, and the TV set turns on.]

2nd Thief:
Huh?!

[As the 2nd Thief is momentarily distracted, a larger electrical surge hits him and the TV set, sending him flying backwards into the stacks of boxes inside the warehouse. The 1st Thief, Duke, and the Red Coat-wearing 3rd Thief both see this happen.]

Duke:
What the heck is up with that?!

[Another surge of electricity hits both TV sets held by Duke and the 3rd Thief and starts to build-up within them, drawing their attention before both sets blow up too. When this has happened, the source of the electrical surges is revealed as a teenager who comes flying into the warehouse on a flying manhole cover.]

Static:
You mean, 'What's up with that'. Either use slang properly or don't use it at all.

[Static flies over them, re-directs his momentum by gripping a I-section, and starts flying back at the thieves.]

3rd Thief (Red Coat):
It's a kid on a flying manhole cover!

Duke:
I don't care if it's Aladdin on his magic carpet. Get him!

[Thieves go at Static with a metal crowbar and a metal bat. Static uses his electromagnetic powers to pull their metal weapons away from them before he shocks both of them and disarms them of the rest of their weapons. Static gathers together all of their weapons infront of him.]

Static:
Metal weapons and dumb thugs--how easy does it get?

[Static sends all the weapons high above them and destroys them. Burning sparks fall down and send Duke and the 3rd Thief running to escape. Static pursues.]

Static:
Like turning on lights in a roach motel.

[Static intercepts the Red Coat-wearing 3rd Thief running to the sidedoor with an electrified punch.]

Static:
Thats my 'Taser-Punch.' Shocking, isn't it?

[Static is suddenly buried under a large pile of boxes. The Grey Coat-wearing 2nd Thief has recovered from his earlier collision and has commandeered a warehouse loader, driving it into the boxes.]

2nd Thief:
I got him, Duke. I got... Huh?!

[Another surge of electromagnetic energy has built up from beneath the boxes as Static frees himself, flying up.]

Static:
Okay, you caught me off-guard--I'm new at this; so sue me!

[Static generates another surge of electromagnetic energy to capture all three theives and starts to lift them up.]

Static:
Not that I have a curfew or anything, but I really gotta wrap this up.

[Static adheres all three thieves to the ceiling.]

Static:
Stick around fellas, you got company.

[Static flies underneath a roof entrance and creates a sign in the sky above the warehouse:
the words BAD GUYS THIS EXIT!, surrounded by an arrow pointing down at the warehouse as police cars arrive outside.]

Static:
(narrating) Piece of cake with frosting and sprinkles. My first bad guy beat down, and I hardly broke a sweat.

[Sharon has made breakfast, her rendition of scrambled eggs, however, does not sit well with Virgil, as her attempt is nothing but an under-cooked, runny slop.]

Virgil:
(sitting at the table) What's this, an egg smoothie?

Sharon:
(not amused) You know that's just the way Momma made them.

Virgil:
(studying his 'breakfast' with his fork) Funny, I don't remember needing a straw to eat her's.

Robert:
(closes his briefcase and stands up, ready to go to work) Come on Virgil, your sister went to all this trouble. Least you can do is give 'em a try. (pats Virgil on the head and leaves)

[Sharon huffs and turns away. Virgil, desperate not to be food poisoned, looks 'up' for divine intervention.]

Virgil:
(voice a tone lower) Momma, if you're listening, I could use some help here...

[The phone rings unexpectedly.]

Sharon:
(answering the phone) Hello... (listens to the person on the other end of the line,) Hey, Teddy... (pause) Yeah, I really liked that lecture last night... (pause) Tonight? You mean a real date?... (pause, meanwhile, Virgil stands next to her making kissie-noises while she's on the phone) Let me check my schedule... (pause while Sharon leaves the kitchen to gain privacy from Virgil) Of course I have a schedule... (pause, before she answers Teddy flirtatiously) No, I don't have a little black book. It's paisley...

[With Sharon out of the way, Virgil, with a smile on his face, is free to dispose of the 'egg smoothie,' pouring it into the bin, without Sharon as an eyewitness.]

Virgil:
Good lookin' out, Moms.

[Virgil exits the kitchen, rubbing his stomach in mock-satisfaction as he passes Sharon, still on the phone.]

Virgil:
Mmm, mmm, mmm. Fluffy egg goodness...

[Sharon, knowing that Virgil is poking fun at her cooking, pouts in frustration.]

Virgil:
F-Stop, you need to brush up on Body Language 101. Hers says, 'Not-in-this-lifetime.'

Richie:
Tangling with F-Stop? Are you crazy? The dude makes Norman Bates look like Mister Rogers.

Virgil:
No more asking my dad to borrow his car, dude.

Richie:
You don't even drive yet, V.

Virgil:
Oh, whatever.

Static:
The name's "Static". I put a shock to your system.

Virgil:
Mutant? Now that's degrading.

Richie:
You have a better word for it?

Virgil:
I kind of like... meta-human.

Virgil:
What if I turn into some kind of blob?

Richie:
You're not gonna turn into a blob. Now, primordial ooze, that's another story.

Virgil:
Ok, Mr. Def Comedy Jam.

Doctor:
Your looking pretty health Virgil

Virgil:
Well, I've been going through these ... changes.

Doctor:
Well, that's normal for someone your age.

Virgil:
Trust me, Doc, this is not normal.

Doctor:
Do these changes involve another person?

Virgil:
A lot of them.

Doctor:
Does your father know what you've been doing?

Virgil:
What?! Whoa, Doc, we're talking about two totally different things here.

York:
You're that freak from TV!

Static:
You say freak, I say unique!

Static:
The name's "Static". I put a shock to your system.

York:
Yeah, well so do I. (Starts to shoot at Static with a hand-held laser.)

Static:
Lucky that water main was there.

Richie:
Uh, Virg...? That wasn't a water main. It was a sewer line.

Static:
(sniffs the air) I think Static's work here is done.

Virgil:
What's Derek Barnett got that I don't have?

Richie:
Let's make a list. Looks, height, all-state in track and field - shall I quit while you're behind?

Virgil:
I thought we were tight, Rich.

Richie:
We are bro, just keeping it real.

Derek:
Hey, Virgil, do you think you could tutor me?

Virgil:
Me?

Richie:
Him?

Virgil:
Do you know what hanging with Derek "D.B." Barnett's going to do to my rep?

Richie:
Uh, start it?

Robert:
Proud of you for helping Derek, Virgil.

Virgil:
Pops, when you get touched with genius, you gotta share the gift... Besides thanks to him, I'm finally meeting cheerleaders.

Random woman in the store:
Yeah, it's great! It's called the 'butter diet!'

Static:
Am I seeing things, or did I just get jacked by a girl with feathers?! (sniffs his sleeve) Aww, man, my gear smells like Chinese takeout.

Shiv:
(off screen) Hey, Electric-Boy.

[Static sees Shiv's attack coming at him and dodges in time, jumps and lands safely]

Shiv:
Nice one Super-Shocker, or whatever your name is.

Frieda:
What are you doing here?

Virgil:
I... asked you first.

Frieda:
It's running away!

Static:
No. Just looking for more food, and the whole city's on the menu.

Frieda:
What are you gonna do?

Static:
Spoil its appetite!

[Virgil and Richie are walking down an empty street through an area of a city block with abandoned and condemned buildings.]

Virgil:
Where're you taking me, Richie?

Richie:
Patience, we're almost there. It'll be easier when we're old enough to drive

Virgil:
Hey, we could have gotten on my disk and flown.

Richie:
Well, no disrespect, but I've seen you fall off that thing.

Virgil:
One time, and they were shooting at me!

Richie:
We're here.

[Richie and Virgil have stopped walking to see where Richie had brought Virgil to see, an abandoned gas station and garage.]

Virgil:
(completely unimpressed) We're where?

Richie:
Your secret headquarters--every hero has to have a secret headquarters. (runs across the street to the empty gas station) Come-on.

[It's dark inside the old gas station as Richie and Virgil both enter.]

Richie:
Hit the lights and peep your eyes.

[Virgil uses his powers to supply energy to the lights hanging off of the ceiling, lighting up the room they are in.]

Virgil:
(looks around) You gotta be kidding me. (moves around to look through boarded windows) You'd have to renovate before this place could even qualify as a dump.

Richie:
Oh, come-on, Virg', use your imagination; right now this place might be a broken down, rat-infested...

Virgil:
(interrupts) Rat-infested?!

Richie:
We'll get some traps. The point is, with a little work, this could be the nerve-center of our entire superhero operation

Virgil:
And what would we call it, the Abandoned Gas Station of Solitude.

Richie:
(sarcastically to himself) Ahh, that's funny. (to Virgil) Hey, I'd have built us a tree-house if I had a tree.

Virgil:
I wish I could just go out and rent a decent headquarters, but that takes money.

Richie:
Nobody ever said the superhero gig would be a profit center.

Virgil:
(in agreement) Yeah, but it's costing me; I keep tearing my costume, melting my shoes.

[Static is trying to stop Rubber-Band Man from assaulting a Rapper after having just caught the car out of mid-air and landed it safely on the ground.]

Static:
Howabout we go all-radical, sit down and talk about it.

Rubber-Band Man:
(holds his fist up) I don't think so, Sparky! (punches Static)

Static:
(recovers) Be that way! (hits Rubber-Band Man with a 'Taser-Punch')

[Static's 'Taser-Punch' sends Rubber-Band Man's head up as his neck stretches before he recovers too.]

Rubber-Band Man:
Nice shot, but rubber's an insulator, so your electrical powers can't really hurt me...

[Rubber-Band Man's words trail off as the limo of the Rap Artist that he had just hounded down starts up and drives off to get away.]

Oh, no you don't.

[Rubber-Band Man stretches his hand and arm after the limo before it can get too far. As Rubber-Band Man strains to hold on to the limo, Static builds up a charge to use against the Rubber-Band Man before he can hurt someone.]

Static:
Let me tell you something about electricity; a big enough charge can overload any insulator.

[After the fight the night before, Virgil is still feeling the after-effects, and takes a shower to freshen up.]

Virgil:
Oh, My head... Note to self: Avoid playing catch with flying automobiles.

Sharon:
(banging her hand on the locked bathroom door) Virgil Ovid Hawkins, get your ashky butt out here right this minute...

Virgil:
(unlocks the door and sticks his head out) Sharon! My middle name is never to be spoken aloud, you know that! (sticks his bed back into the bathroom and slams the door closed)

[Adam Evans, a talented music writer in his late teens is fuming that the music tracks he had submitted to record company have been used in a top-of-the-charts #1 hit, but he has not received any money, credit or acknowledgement for his music. After making a scene in a Burger Fool, Adam decides to go after the Rapper again directly.]

Adam Evens:
(fuming) Nobody steals from me and gets away with it, Ice Pack's gonna give me my due, (morphs into Rubber-Band Man,) or he's in for a real bad stretch...

Static:
'Kawarimi; ancient Ninja art of misdirection. All you need is something some idiot can mistake you for... and some idiot!

Kid:
(talks quickly, like he's on a sugar rush) ...Dad, your not gonna believe it, but a big, black, icky gunk-thing coming out the floor, and it's getting bigger and bigger like a big balloon...

Kid's Father:
You drinking too much sugar again...

Sharon:
Don't you ever go home?

Richie:
I smell an insinuation.

Richie:
All I'm saying is that 'Shock to the System' is gonna get played out unless we keep adding to our catchphrase list. How about H.V.H. - High Voltage Hero.

Richie:
I'll have you over. soon.

Virgil:
How soon?

Richie:
Err... this Friday night

Virgil:
Sure?

Richie:
(nervous) Yeah, yeah, (to himself) that'll work.

Virgil:
Friday it is then. Better tell your mom's to stock up on some essentials; sodas, chips, cookies, you know, the basic food groups.

Robert:
You sure you're ok?

Virgil:
Yeah, pops. I'm cool. I'd be even cooler with a new stereo, though.

Robert:
Then, I wouldn't be cool. Stick with your old stereo.

Virgil:
Hey, I had to give it a shot.

Ebon:
So, Static's your main man, huh?

Richie:
Huh!?

Mr. Foley:
I don't believe this, you put a roof over their head, you feed them three squares a day and this is the 'thanks' you...

Mr. Hawkins:
Richie wasn't the only boy who ran away from you last night.

Mr. Foley:
What you son heard, Hawkins, I wasn't talking about him.

Mr. Hawkins:
No, you were just talking about his 'Kind', that's all--well I know your 'kind', Foley, I've seen your kind all my life; a fine upstanding bigot, his nose so close to the grind stone he can't see anything else. Meanwhile, the world changes and grows, and he's blind to it, ignorant, and proud of that too; and you know the worst part?

Mr. Foley:
I'm sure you'll tell me.

Mr. Hawkins:
You've got a terrific son, one of the best and brightest around, and because of the way you are, you'll never really know him. Richie ran away from you along time ago, Foley, and who could blame him.

Daisy:
Richie, what happened to your arm?

Richie:
Swimming .. accident.

Virgil:
I told you, man. When you dive into the pool, make sure there's water in there.

Richie:
What was I thinking?

Rubber-Band Man:
...And next I will tell everyone who you are like you did to me.

Sharon:
What'd I do to deserve all this, Daddy?

Virgil:
What'd you do? You were dating the star of America's Most Wanted.

Puff:
(About Onyx) The pretty ones are never very bright.

Sharon:
You couldn't change into a vacuum with wheels!?

Rubber-Band Man:
Wheels are hard.

Robert:
Captain Fitz came through. They're gonna put Rubberband Man in a safer prison. If his behavior's good, he'll be out and making music in a matter of months.

Sharon:
Isn't this exciting?!

Virgil:
Oh, yeah. I'm bouncing off the walls.

[After saving the sailors.]

Static:
Thank you, thank you. And when you tell your friends about this... skip out the part where I tried to pick up the boat.

Static:
I don't believe we've been introduced.

Junior:
Omnifarious.

Static:
You're Nefarious?

Junior:
Omnifarious. It's my name. It means many forms.

Static:
Bro, I go to public school. Latin's an elective.

Replay:
I'm gonna make so many of me, you won't have a prayer.

Static:
Ooh a room full of has beens, now I am scared!

Richie:
I'm just glad they didn't shut down the lava land ride. Whoa-ho! Look, yes! Some of the lava spewed on my shirt.

Daisy:
That's nacho cheese, Richie.

Richie:
(sniffs his shirt) Ew. Different eruption.

Daisy:
(to Virgil) He's your friend.

Virgil:
Don't remind me.

Virgil:
He even had purple skin and orange hair!

Richie:
Ugh, Bang-Babies. They just have no fashion sense.

Ms. Petebone:
Class, I'm handing back your essay tests. Undoubtedly, some of you will be happier with your grades than others.

Virgil:
(seeing his high test score) Oh yes, I'm happy. What about you, Rich?

Richie:
I'm... one of the others.

Robert:
Virgil?

Virgil:
Please, don't make me do it, Pops. I don't wanna make the speech.

Robert:
I would never force you to do that, son.

Virgil:
Then, about what I said to Sharon.

Robert:
Forget it. We all lose our cool now and again. In fact, I may owe you an apology.

Virgil:
For what?

Robert:
I thought you come to terms with your mom's death all this time. I was wrong about that, huh?

Virgil:
Pops, I...

Robert:
You wanna talk about it?

Virgil:
Maybe later, okay?

Robert:
I understand. It took me a long time before I could even say her name without feeling pain. Whenever you're ready, son. It would be nice if you did speak at the memorial, Virgil. If for no one else, for your mom. Just think about it.

The Monster:
No, not Thomas. Thomas weak.