Sue Thomas: F.B.Eye, Season 2

Myles:
I'm Einstein with a gun. Boston born, Harvard educated, S.W.A.T. trained Myles Leland... III. Now if you'll excuse me, I have a country to save.

Sue:
Lucy, what do you think? Should I wear my hair up or down?

Lucy:
Up.

Jack:
Down.

[Lucy stares at Jack. Jack looks away.]

Sue:
What?

Lucy:
Jack likes your hair down.

Sue:
You do?

Jack:
[still uncomfortable] What, can't a guy have an opinion on hair?

Bobby:
Well put, Sparky. Nice to see you're not afraid to show your feminine hairdresser side.

Jack:
You all need professional help.

[Sue has come directly from a formal gala to the crime scene and is wearing an elegant dress]

Myles:
If I had known this was going to be a formal crime scene I would have dressed for the occasion.

Dimitrius:
You wouldn't have looked like that.

[The team has just finished a case in which Jack purposely antagonized a sniper to predict his actions]

Sue:
Please don't ever make yourself a target again, or I might take you out. [raises her fist]

Jack:
[laughs and raises his hands in surrender] Okay.

Myles:
We will hunt him down. We will not rest until this--this vile creature, this destroyer of all that is beautiful and good is brought to justice.

Jack:
We're looking for an art forger, Myles, not Hannibal Lector.

Myles:
Only a few gradations of separation on the slimy scale of criminality.

[Myles has just gone over an in-depth plan to catch the art forger who swindled him, complete with map and pointer]

Tara:
Very thorough. And precise, just the way we like it.

Jack:
I don't think the invasion at Normandy was this well planned.

[The team has just discovered that Sue and Jack are going undercover as a married couple. The team enters]

Lucy:
And here are the newlyweds now.

[The team begins to throw confetti on Jack and Sue]

Tara:
Ah, to be young, and in love.

Jack:
I'm always amazed at how quick word travels in this building...

Dimitrius:
It's the FBI, the walls have ears.

Bobby:
Speaking of ears, hear that clanging, Sparky? That's the sound of your your ball and chain. [Winks at Sue]

Dimitrius:
Hey, Sue, the boys are going out for a beer after work. Can Jack come?

Sue:
As long as he's home in time to mow the lawn.

[Myles enters]

Myles:
What happened?

Tara:
You missed it. Jack and Sue got married.

Myles:
I went out for a tuna sandwich, how long was I gone?

[Myles, Bobby and Dimitrius are undercover as movers helping Jack and Sue move into their undercover house. Myles is mildly injured and has supervised rather than moving furniture. They are talking to Jack and Sue]

Bobby:
We're done here.

Dimitrius:
What he means is that if we have to move one more piece of furniture, we might become terrorists.

Bobby:
So, let's gather up our things and, uh, we'll leave you two love birds alone.

Myles:
[to Bobby and Dimitrius] You two want to grab that cart. [Bobby and Dimitrius give him a nasty look]. At Aardvark we do not tolerate workers with surly attitudes. This will be going on your permanent records. [walks away]

Bobby:
I can't wait to get my gun back.

[The team has discovered that a terrorist they are investigating has hypothyroidism and takes medication for it]

Myles:
A martyr who's taking medication so he can live long enough to kill himself, how sick is that.

[Sue and Jack went undercover as a married couple]

Tara:
I've heard that the traits that originally attract you to a person are the ones that end up driving you nuts. Would either of you care to confirm or deny that rumour?

Sue:
Nothing could be farther from the truth.

Jack:
Thank you.

Sue:
...with Jack it's a whole new set of traits that drive you crazy.

Jack :
Must be nice to have such a warm and fuzzy outlook on life.

Sue:
That's just the kind of attitude I'd expect from a guy who goes to bars to meet women!

Jack:
Our first fight?

Sue:
Probably not our last.

Tara:
You're not going with me. I don't need a babysitter.

Bobby:
We can be a team. You can be good cop, I'll be bad cop.

Tara:
Bobby.

Bobby:
Okay, you be bad cop.

Tara:
I'm gonna be the cop that leaves--alone.

Bobby:
I'm starting to get the feeling you don't want me to come with you.

Tara:
Just watch for the vultures circling my desk. I know the second my flight gets its wheels up, somebody'll steal my stapler.

Bobby:
They do, they'll have to answer to me.

Tara:
Actually, I was talking about you.

Myles:
How can someone sound cute?

Lucy:
Not to worry Myles, that's a problem you'll never have.

[Sue has just discovered a commercial she filmed is being used in a senator's reelection campaign without her knowledge]

Lucy:
So what are you gonna do about it?

Sue:
I'm going to go and exercise another one of my rights, that's what I'm gonna do about it!

[She stomps off.]

Bobby:
I hope this isn't the one about the right to bear arms.

Jack:
I think her bare hands are gonna be enough.

Jack:
Yes, Myles, if you're right, you can say you told me so. And I know you will, in that special way that makes us all love you so. But for now, you put your nose in those books and humor me on this one, okay?

[Sue is sleeping in a chair at work. Jack wakes her up]

Jack:
I've just been informed that you're spending too much time here. The Bureau wants rent.

Sue:
Tell them to take it out of the overtime pay. Oh wait, I forgot there is none.

Myles:
This is an engraved invitation to the big dance of history, and all I have to do is slit open that golden envelope and show up on time in my Kevlar tuxedo!

[He leaves.]

Lucy:
It's official. You've finally lost it.

[After learning that a lawyer has filed a civil rights complaint against Jack on behalf of a suspected terrorist]

Bobby:
You do your job protecting her freedom, and she uses that freedom to file an action against you for doing your job. God bless America.

Randy:
Well, have her contact me when she returns.

[He walks away.]

Bobby:
You say jump...

Myles:
We say, did someone just say something?

Bobby:
In the meantime, Lucy, we need 200 voucher forms.

Jack:
I'll bite. Why do you need 200 voucher forms?

Dimitrius:
Operation Paper Chase.

Myles:
Our target: Randy the ridiculous.

Bobby:
Our chosen weapon: forms. Our goal: to bury the man in them.

Sue:
I'm not following.

Lucy:
You're not the only one.

Myles:
Randy doesn't wish to reimburse us for car rental or work boots, he can reimburse us for the toothpicks I used in my undercover persona during the Sackbar case.

Dimitrius:
The pack of gum I chewed in the Burroughs sting.

Bobby:
The box of paper clips I used to complete the Curran report. All of which we paid for out of our own pockets.

Dimitrius:
We got all kinds of receipts, and each one will be attached to its own personal voucher form.

Sue:
I used three sheets of a yellow pad at home last night for F.B.I. business. That should be three vouchers.

Bobby:
Hey!

[Dimitrius, Bobby, and Myles fist bump Sue.]

[Dimitrius has just informed the team that they will be going undercover in a nightclub run by a Chinese gang.]

Myles:
How we gonna do that? The reason Chinese gangs are called Chinese gangs is that all the members of the gang tend to be Chinese.

Lucy:
How do you do it, Myles? Always so insightful.

Myles:
If ever I show the slightest bit of arrogance around any of you, please call me on it.

Lucy:
You better have call waiting 'cause that's gonna be one busy phone line.

Tara:
Is that request retroactive?

Myles:
Nothing like a double homicide to bring the family together.

[Jack and Sue have gone undercover in a law firm]

Janice [looking at Jack]:
Is he as nice as he is cute?

Sue:
You think he's cute?

Janice:
[laughs] What are you, blind?

Sue:
No, but I am deaf.

[Janice thinks she is joking and laughs]

Sue:
[slightly awkwardly] I really am deaf.

[Jack and Sue kiss. Janice enters and turns on the light.]

Janice:
Sue? Mr. Buchanan?

Jack:
Miss Clark!

Janice:
What are you doing in here? Well, I can see what you’re doing in here.

Jack:
You were really good back there. [Sue stares at him.] I mean, the deposition line.

Sue:
Yeah, you too. [Hastily clarifying] With the deposition. That was quick thinking.

Jack:
Good teamwork.

Sue:
It’s all about teamwork.

Jack:
You know that moment back there that was a response to a situation.

Sue:
Very effective.

Jack:
Cause I would never… Well I mean… I…

Sue:
It certainly changes our cover story.

Jack:
I don’t know, I don’t think it’s a big problem. Do you?

Sue:
No, probably just a few more looks around the water cooler.

Jack:
Probably not the first time they’ve seen a boss/secretary thing.

Sue:
Probably not.

[Sue drops her keys and they both reach for them, touching hands.]

Sue:
Well, I better get home. See how Levi and Lucy are kissing along… getting along. [Jack chuckles.] How they’re getting along.

Jack:
Yeah, I’ll see you in the morning.

Tara:
Firewall I can’t crack hasn’t been invented yet. Except the one I used which was invented by me.

Jack:
You’re the best.

[Jack hugs Tara. Sue and Janice enter the office.]

Janice:
Mr. Buchanan?

Jack:
Janice. Hi.

Janice:
Working late again, I see?

Jack:
Sue, aren’t you and Janice supposed to be going out to dinner together?

Sue:
We were, I mean we are.

Janice:
I forget my cell phone and Ms. Kern is prone to calling me at all hours so we came back to get it. [to Sue] Certainly works the over time, doesn’t he?

Tara:
Hi, I’m Tara, just flew in from Milwaukee to surprise my hubby.

Janice:
I see. Well, I hope you have a pleasant visit. Don’t work too hard.

[She glares at Jack as she exits.]

Tara:
Why do I get the feeling I missed something?

Jack:
Office politics.

Jack:
It was a good job while it lasted.

Sue:
I’m sure your friend in Wisconsin will be glad to have his identity back.

Tara:
I have a bone to pick with you, Mister. Seems you’ve been cheating on me. With one of my own friends, no less.

Sue:
You talked to Janice.

Tara:
So, any chance we can work this out? Or do I have to file for divorce?

[Tara pretends to get teary.]

Jack:
Okay, now that you’ve had your fun is there any chance we can keep this on the down low?

Bobby:
What? Keep the tabloid story of the century off the airwaves? Actually, we have a nice little office pool going. I say Sparky and Tara will weather the storm and stay together.

Dimitrius:
Yeah, but the smart money’s on Sue, the home wrecker, landing her man.

Lucy:
What did I miss? What are you guys talking about?

Bobby:
Jack and Sue making out in the dragon lady’s office at Callahan and Merced.

Lucy:
What?!

Jack:
We weren’t… we… we weren’t making out.

Dimitrius:
You want to go under oath and say that? We have a reliable witness.

Sue:
It was part of the undercover.

Lucy:
So you were making out?

Jack:
It wasn’t making out.

Bobby:
What exactly was it?

[Jack and Sue look to each other.]

Jack:
We’re late.

[He leaves.]

Tara:
You can’t get away with this that easily, two-timer! I want justice!

Lucy:
I want to hear every detail.

[Sue leaves without answering.]

Bobby:
Woo hoo!