The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, Season 6

Geoffrey:
Of all the rooms to burn in your uncle's home...(amused) the kitchen! Are you mad, boy?

Will:
Uncle Phil, are you gonna let me go anytime soon?

Philip:
(calmly) No, Will.

Will:
That's cool.

Philip:
I am going to get to the bottom of this mishap once and for all!

[Philip starts stomping on the floor)

[Will runs downstairs panic-struck]

Will:
EARTHQUAKE!

Carlton:
(talking on the phone) What do you mean I didn't get the job? Budget problems? But I was volunteering!

Carlton:
(on the phone) I can't be a Big Brother? They didn't like me? Well, you tell those little brats I don't like them either!

Will:
Would you like to buy a vowel?

Philip:
This trial is gonna be the death of me. We lost another juror today.

Will:
Did you look under your robe?

Will:
Back in Philly, I was known as Will '747' Smith.

Nicky:
Why?

Will:
Because I'm about to jet!

Will:
Tell me this, Doogie. How is it possible that we are losing?

Carlton:
I can't pull a battle to save my life.

Carlton:
Well, I tried to walk away but the craps table kept calling: "Carlton, Carlton." And the blackjack table said you can do it! And the slot machines just say: "Hey, you tall, handsome guy, come shake my hand!" These are ALL MY NEW FRIENDS! My God they're pumping a lot of oxygen in this room!

Carlton:
I had my knife. I went into the wild. But how's a little brave supposed to survive with all these bells and whistles? Well, the madness is over. I'm Carlton again.

Will:
Carlton, look. A quarter.

Carlton:
WHERE!? (he crawls on the floor, looking for the quarter)

Will:
You're pathetic!

Carlton:
You're right, Will. I've hit rock bottom. How come you can see the quarter and I can't?

Will:
Because there ain't no quarter. (he slaps Carlton in the head)

(At the roulette table)

Carlton:
Come on, eight. Eight. I need an eight.

Will:
Carlton, what the hell are you doing?

Carlton:
What does it look like I'm doing? I'm gambling.

Will:
You can't bet all your money on one number.

Dealer:
And the winner is... eight.

Will:
Yes, I love you man!

Will So how much are we up?

Carlton:
We're not up. We're down.

Will:
Wht do you mean "we"?

Carlton:
Well, after I maxed out my credit cards-

Will:
Carlton, you maxed out your credit cards?

Carlton:
Well, yeah. I couldn't get full value for the airline tickets.

Will:
You hocked our airline tickets?

Carlton:
Well what do you expect? I only got $200 out of your ATM card. Word to the wise, Will, never leave your PIN number in your wallet.

Will You stole my wallet? How much do we have?

Carlton:
Whatever's on the table.

Will:
Wait a minute...

(He reaches over to the table, but the dealer slaps his hand.)

Dealer And the winner is... eight...

Will:
YES!

Dealer:
...teen.

Will:
NO! Wait, that says eighteen. We got eight. We should get something.

(The dealer shakes his head.)

Vy (referring to her and Helen):
Geoffrey, what do you think? Who's more desirable?

Geoffrey:
It's a tie, you both lose.

Hilary:
I exploit people everyday, but it's Thanksgiving so I'm taking a day off.

Philip:
In the first place, it's not "Banks" it's "Your Honor". Now you get your butt over to that telephone and you pull the District Attorney from whatever meal he may be eating and you tell him that you have Judge Philip Banks in jail under a bogus charge. And you might want to mention the fact that we have been denied due process: A phone call, access to legal representation and every other conceivable right guaranteed to us by the Constitution. And don't forget to mention that no statements have been taken, no witnesses interviewed, and none of the most fundamental procedures that the newest rookie on a beat would know, have been followed. My nephew and I are completely innocent, and if you don't take care of this matter, it will be you having your picture taken with numbers across your chest!

[Will is boxing a girl named Helena]

Helena:
Come on! Hit me!

Helena:
Your mama!

Will:
Mama said knock you out!

Will:
How do you like me now?!

Helena:
That was... impressive. Take me!

Will:
Um... You a little freaky-deeky, ain't you?

Helena:
Now!

Will:
Shoot, you ain't gotta tell me twice!

Carlton:
Hey guys. Look what I found.

Ashley:
Hey, it's the dummy.

Will:
Yeah and he found Safety Guy.

Vivian:
That man is on thin ice!

Geoffrey:
I'll alert the fish.

[Using hand-puppets, Will and Carlton create an apologetic show for Ashley]

Will (dog):
One, two, three! Hey, Ashley! [beatbox] Will and Carlton are sorry! [beatbox] Hey, kitty-cat! Hey, kitty-cat! Hey, kitty-cat! Help-help me out!

[Carlton (cat) appears]

Will (dog):
[beatbox]

Carlton (cat):
We care about you very much!

Will (dog):
Ple, ple, ple, ple, ple, ple, ple, please forgive us! [beatbox]

Ashley:
Thanks to you, now I'm gonna be working at Dippity Doo Dog until I'm dippity dead!

[Ashley storms off]

Carlton (cat):
I think it worked. I think she's feeling much better.

Will:
I think you've been smokin' a little bit too much of that catnip.

Carlton (cat):
Hey! You take that back!

Will:
Carlton. It's over.

Carlton (cat):
It's not over! (Talking to himself) What does he mean it's over?! It can't be over!

Carlton:
Will, I'm a little uncomfortable with nudity.

Will:
Oh, don't worry, Carlton, we're all uncomfortable with your nudity.

Philip:
If I leave, I'm not coming back, Vivian.

Vivian:
Good.

Philip:
B-because once I leave out that door, I'm gone... I'm moving closer to the door, Vivian. This is your last chance... I mean it!

Helen:
Oh, for God's sake, would you leave already?

Geoffrey's Son Fredrick:
Do you have any Tom Jones records?

Carlton:
(smiling) DO I?!

Will:
What, one day you were sipping some tea and crumpets and thought, "Hey! I should fly half-way around the world to steal from the father I don't even know!"

Philip:
Having a pet is a big responsibility. You have to feed him, clean up after him.

Geoffrey:
Just don't expect a thank you.

Nicky:
Daddy, you know how you told me that Harry's black now, because rabbits change black colors for Easter? Isn't there a little more to that story?

Philip:
Well, yes. Uh,... Nicky, you remember in The Lion King when Mufasa...?

Nicky:
Daddy, did you sit on Harry?

Philip:
Yes. But... But...

Nicky:
That's okay, Dad. Death is a natural part of life. But what a way to go.

Parson:
Will, no, stop it! Go bother Tat!

Ali:
No, don't bother Tat!

Carlton:
[sings] The sun'll come out tomorrow.

Jockey:
The owner wants to put him down.

Carlton:
What?! When?

Jockey:
Tomorrow.

Will:
[sings] It's only a day away.

Philip:
You can play with Carlton's clubs.

Will:
What? You want me to play on my knees?

Carlton:
Sounds like you guys won!

Philip:
Hell, no! He's an even worse golfer than you!

Carlton:
(to Hilary) William Shatner is gonna be on your show?! (to Will) And you knew? You lived in the same pool house with me, knowing how much this would mean to me and you didn't tell me? I don't even know who you are.

Will:
Hey G, what's up, man? Hey, look, um, (referring to himself) I got this friend, right? You know, he kinda got a little problem. He got these 3 cousins and they all moving on with new and exciting lives and everything.

Geoffrey:
Is your friend pensive?

Will:
My friend doesn't know what pensive means.

Hilary:
Oh, Geoffrey, I'm gonna miss you. Oh, we have to have a special going away dinner for you. What do you wanna make?

Philip:
So, Will, did you find a new place?

Will:
Uh, well, Uncle Phil...

Carlton:
Yeah, it's a great place.

Vivian:
How does it look?

Carlton:
Well, it's got ceiling-to-floor doors, and wall-to-wall floors.

Will:
Carlton's just playin', y'all. There's something I have to...

Philip:
So, when do we get to see it?

Will:
You can't.

Philip:
Why not?

Carlton:
Because it's tinted. You can't see inside of it.

Will:
Carlton, it's okay, man, I can do this. You can't see my apartment, because I don't have one.

Carlton:
It's a condo.

Will:
Okay. That's all right, Carlton.

Will:
Wherever and whenever... I got your back, C.

Carlton:
Wherever, whenever, I got your back... W. That just doesn't sound right coming from me, does it?

Will:
It sounds great, man.

Vivian:
Nicky, did you remember to go to the bathroom?

Nicky:
Of course.

Hilary:
Carlton, did you remember to go to the bathroom?

Carlton:
Of course. I'll be right back.

Carlton:
(in the bathroom) Hey! Who turned out the lights?! (comes downstairs with his pants down) Where is everybody?!

(he pulls his pants back up and runs out the door in a hurry)

Will:
I am definitely gonna miss you, C.

(he leaves and camera zooms out and gets a ceiling view of the living room)

:[Philip hugs Will; 3 days later, he has him in a headlock in the exact same place]

Carlton:
"I got a nice base." Trainer: "says here you're a walking tub of Crisco." Carlton: "Yeah, but it's spread over a nice BASE."