The Good Place, Season 3

Janet 1:
Dudes, why are there so many Janets and why do I sound like Janet?

Janet 2:
You also look like Janet. Do I...? Why?! What?! What is happening?! [gets a stomachache much like Chidi]

Janet 3:
[In a British accent like Tahani] Oh , no! Am I...wearing a vest?! Oh! Michael, help me!

Michael:
This is gonna be tricky. How can we tell them apart?

Janet 4:
[Points to own breasts in excitement]

Michael:
[Points to Janet 4] Okay, that one's Jason.

Chidi-Janet:
This is nuts. We're in a void inside a white lady...

Eleanor-Janet:
Not a lady.

Tahani-Janet:
Not a lady, darling.

Jason-Janet:
Well, we are white. Let's all say white people things! Billy Joel! I found it on Etsy. There was no room to park! Did you refill the Brita!?

Tahani-Janet:
I find this void quite calming actually. It's like this time the Xanax took me.

Janet:
[Appears] I told you not to conjure anything!

Chidi-Janet:
Sorry, I just needed a board to explain...

Janet:
Not you, him. [pans to Jason-Janet and Pillboi in a damaged hot tub] Jason! What is wrong with you?

Jason-Janet:
Sorry, Janet. I didn't mean to conjure anything. I was just thinking about the good times I had with Pillboi chilling and hanging out in his broken hot tub. And then, he showed up.

Pillboi:
Yeah, I was just chilling being nothing, and then I was.

Janet:
Goodbye, Pillboi.

Pillboi:
[Jason-Janet is forced to leave as Pillboi and the hot tub disintegrates and fades away]] Aw, dip. I'm not again.......!!

Neil:
Every action by every human on Earth is recorded and then sent here to be assigned a point value based on the absolute moral worth of that action. For example, a couple in Osaka, Japan, just decided to have a destination wedding: negative 1,200 points. [More details appear on screen] Oh, and it's a destination theme wedding: negative 4,300. [More details appear on screen] The theme's Lord of the Rings - they're basically doomed.

Neil:
Ah, here's one. This means that someone has just done something which has never been done before. "Richard Moore of Sugarland, Texas, "hollowed out an eggplant and filled it with hot sauce and nickels." And amazingly, it's not a weird sex thing. 99% of all new human behaviors are weird sex things. But not in this… [more details appear on screen] oh, no, it is a weird sex thing, yeah. Well, then we zip that over to the relevant departments. In this case, Anastasia in the Stuffed Vegetable Department. We've got Hector over in American Coins, and my dear buddy, Matt, in Weird Sex Things.

Matty:
I'm still waiting on a response to the request I filed for immediate suicide.

Neil:
Request denied. [To Michael] I love Matty. He's hilarious.

[Chidi has just fallen through a hole across the multiverse in the Interdimensional Hole of Pancakes]

Chidi:
I…I just saw a trillion different realities folding onto each other like thin sheets of metal forming…a single blade.

Michael:
Yeah, yeah. The Time-Knife. We've all seen it.

Eleanor:
There's this chicken sandwich that, if you eat it, it means you hate gay people! And it's delicious!

Judge Gen:
It is! It is so good!

Eleanor:
I don't normally cry at movies…but that one was pretty good. [sniffs] That girl was hot. The guy was, too.

Chidi:
I'm gonna miss you so much, Eleanor.

Eleanor:
Except you won't. That's what's so scary about this whole thing. I'm gonna miss you. You're just gonna think I'm some sexy godlike figure who you wanna hump immediately after meeting her.

Chidi:
I know you're deflecting by making jokes about how hot you are.

Eleanor:
It's not a joke. I'm a legit snack.

Chidi:
But I believe in you. [sniffs] I am not even scared to get rebooted because I know that you'll be here, taking care of me.

Eleanor:
I wish we had more time together.

Chidi:
Oh, time means nothing. Jeremy Bearimy, baby. We'll just get through this. And then you and I can chill out in the dot of the I forever.