The Goodies, Series 2

Tim:
[to the suicidal zookeeper they just rescued] We'll be kind and considerate and help you in any way we can, but if you don't tell us what the problem is...

Bill:
[interrupts] ... we'll chuck you back in the river!

Graeme:
[Reassuring Tim about Twinkle] It's not a monster, it's a kitten! Anyway, it's time for his vitamin pills.

[Pulls out a large pill and opens the cage to find it empty]

Graeme:
He's gone... someone's taken him!

[suddenly attacks Tim, shrieking at him]

Graeme:
You! YOU! You've done something to him, haven't you? You never liked him! What have you done with my pussy?

Tim:
[while being shaken violently by Graeme] I haven't touched him! I wouldn't dare go NEAR him!

Bill:
Oh, it wasn't him; it was me.

Graeme:
What?

Bill:
It wasn't him. He's all right, I only put him "out".

Graeme:
[screams] YOU DID WHAT?

Bill:
You should always put the cat "out" at night. So I... I did.

Graeme:
YOU IDIOT! THAT CAT...

[grabs and throws away the Bush Baby, which has attached itself to him again]

Graeme:
THAT CAT IS STILL GROWING!

[Runs to get his clothes]

Graeme:
Come on! We gotta find him, and catch him before he eats someone he shouldn't!

Tim:
[Amused by Graeme's "slip-up"] Ah! You mean some THING he shouldn't.

Graeme:
[Voice of Doom] I know what I mean.

Tim, Bill:
Oh heck...

[In the sex education film that the Goodies have made for young children. A picture of Tim is being displayed]

Graeme:
[narrating] This is a man.

[Picture changes to a shot of some anonymous woman]

Graeme:
...And this isn't.

[Picture changes to a shot of Tim and the woman standing side-by-side]

Graeme:
This is a picture of a man and a woman. Do you know what the difference is? Yes, that's right; men are better at football. But, you know, there are other differences, as well...