The Loop, Season 2

[Sam's elevator acquaintance takes advantage when Sam can't date his secretary as he is ordered to go out partying with the male assistant of a potential client]

Derek:
I thought I'd take your new secre-tail upstairs for a little pre-game. Maybe put my (bleep) in her (bleep).

[After Sam was stuck in the dumpster]

Meryl:
What happened? You look like Mary-Kate Olsen!

[After Meryl tells Sam to use her office's shower to clean himself from the dumpster]

Meryl:
Now, if you see anything in the shower that looks like an eyeball peeking through a hole, don't worry. It's just a decorative tile. But don't poke it.

Russ:
...Theses, are you listening?

Sam:
What? Yeah, yeah, yes.

Russ:
[notices Sam is staring jealously at the new secretary's date with Derek] Oh boy, I see your gal has another gentleman caller. [the secretary laughs as Derek feeds food to her mouth] I'm on it.

Sam:
What? No, no, no, no, no, I'm gonna fight it...

Russ:
Nonsense, I'm sending in the bean. It's the least we can do. [to Meryl] Operation green bingo, hmm? [slaps Mery's ass]

Sam:
No, no operation green bingo. No, no bean! Don't send in the bean! [Russ blocks his way]

Meryl:
[cuts Derek's conversation with the secretary] Hey, baby.

Derek:
[to the secretary] Hey, look, it's you plus twenty. [to Meryl while the secretary is shocked by what he said] Do I know you? [looks at her large breasts] I would have remembered that chest. Refresh my mammaries. [Meryl leans in closer and whispers something in his ear] That is the dirtiest sentence I have ever heard.

Meryl:
[rubs his chest gently] Yeah, that's just the beginning. There is a whole paragraph where that came from.

Derek:
Alright, let's do this. [takes off his shirt and gives it to the secretary] Sorry, babe, this is live action here.

The secretary:
[not caring about him anymore] Ok, be my guest...

Derek:
[points Meryl to his chest] You wanna start with Tom or Jerry?

Russ:
[to Sam] Alright, that's my cue. I'm flying in. [goes in to pretend to be Meryl's boyfriend]

[After Russ invites Sam to his birthday party]

Russ:
And...you might wanna bring your raincoat, 'cause there'll be a lot of women there.

Meryl:
Russ!

Russ:
No, it's supposed to rain! He might wanna walk one of them to the car!

Meryl:
Oh, sorry.

Russ:
...And then plow her in the back seat!

Meryl:
Hmm. [looks at Sam suggestively causing him to quiver]

[Sam is in the elevator and is already stressed when Derek suddenly enters]

Sam:
Oh, God!

Derek:
Yeah, but you can call me Derek. Or Yahweh if that's the way you rugelach.

A fellow executive:
[notices Sam crouches when approaching a working helicopter] Why the hell are you ducking?!

Sam:
I don't know, I saw it on MASH!

Joe Dayton:
[to fellow executives]: Should I tell him the wind does funky things over here?

Sam:
Ah? [stands up straight] Ah! [the wind flies him away]

[after an Under Secretary from Homeland Security, who has just introduced the American government's new "naked machine" to the airline company, credits his governmental status to the inspiration Meryl gave him as his lecturer years ago]

Sam:
That's so awesome what you did for that guy.

Meryl:
I've done other things for other guys that were more awesome. And it involves a different kind of naked machine. Me. Interested in a demo?

Sam:
No, no, I'm good, thanks though. Bye. [runs away and leaves behind a staring Meryl]

[after winning the Amelia Earhart women's award without ever wanting to be nominated]

Sikander (an Indian executive):
Congratulations on the award!

Meryl:
Cram it, M. Night Shyamalan.

[after making a roomless Sam share a hotel room with her, and then explaining to him she doesn't want a women's award because she wants to be judged strictly by her professional skills]

Meryl:
So...[leans close to his face] wanna do shots off my ass?

[Sam stares at her in bewilderment]

[after Amelia Earhart's niece hands over to Merly the women's award Meryl never wanted]

Meryl:
Thank you, Delia. It's an inredible honor accepting this from you. Your great aunt paved the way for all of us here tonight. So...thank you, thank you very much. [raises up the pointed airplane shaped award] I know just where to put this.

[Sam fires his date Leeza while in a restaurant. She screams about being dumped and when he calms her down her hair gets caught on fire by the burner of the fondue he especially arranged earlier. Sam immediately shoves her head into an indoor fountain behind them]

Derek:
[turns back from the sight to speak to his blond date] 'Saw that coming. That coconut hair mask is crazy flammable.

Derek:
[after Darcy, who is of Asian ethnicity, simply walks away when he flirts with her by mentioning he wants a cookie fortune in bed] What's her problem?

Sam:
She's not Chinese, Derek.

Derek:
Trust me, kemosabe, they're all Chinese.

Meryl:
[reminiscing about her now deceased past boss] Yeah...he was a real father, brother, boyfriend, lover to me.

Sam:
Ah, this is Russ McDonland, chairman and CEO of TransAlliance airlines.

Russ:
Nice to meet you, son.

Derek:
Congratulations on your airline. You make everything else in life seem safe in comparison.

Russ:
[laughs] A wise timer, ha...? [Derek hums in approvement] I like it! Pull over a sit.

Derek:
I won't keep you too long. I know you have a bankruptcy to get to.

[After telling his executives he wants to close a business deal by having everyone taking an impromptu airplane flight and spend the night in another city]

Russ:
Unless you've got family to go home to.

[All of the executives laugh]

[After he asked her out, Darcy enters their building's restaurant in a long black overcoat]

Derek:
Nice outfit, are you going for a funeral?

Darcy:
Yeah, yours.

[Darcy takes off the coat to remain in lingerie, which leaves Derek speechless]

Sam:
Sully, I gotta get back to work!

Sully:
Alright, Baby Jessica, jump in. I'll have you home in 11 hours.

Sam:
You're taking me to the airport.

Sully:
Good call, we'll fly.

Sam:
No, I'm flying, you're driving.

Sully:
Excellent. The race is on.

Derek:
Sweet setup, right? Between me and the plasma, there's 58 inches of entertainment.

Darcy:
Shut up and get to work. [shoves Derek's head down and mounts him under the covers]

[After Sam, who thinks he's alone, dances and sings in joy because a frame of him helping to close a business deal was hanged on company's wall of fame]

Meryl:
Chill out, Sam. It's just a picture. So is this. [shows him an image from her cell phone's camera from when he was drunk in the business deal's meeting]

Sam:
Ah, is that you with your hands stuck inside two flesh colored throw pillows?

Meryl:
Nope...

[After Russ laughs about overweight people because a group of obese people demands his airline to accommodate their needs]

Sam:
Sir, with all due respect, some overweight people have legitimate thyroid problems, issues with their metabolism and...

Russ:
Yeah, we get it. You're a chubby chaser.

Meryl:
Russ... You can't say stuff like that!

Russ:
Come on, Meryl. You love to make fun of them. They're fat, they're not Japanese!

Sam:
[on seeing Russ hugging a much younger woman, who one day earlier gave Sam a blowjob in an airplane's toilets] Is that Russ' daughter...?

Meryl:
[looking as Russ and the woman french kiss each other] In The Ozarks, maybe. [looks back at Sam] It's his girlfriend...

[After Meryl keeps slapping Sam's head whenever he mentions that Russ' girlfriend gave Sam a blowjob in an airplane's toilets, and eventually even applys a single arm choke on him]

Meryl:
This is the last time I'm gonna tell you - shut your stupid mouth about that!

Sam:
Okay, okay...I'm sorry.

Meryl:
[frees Sam from the choke] Good. [suddenly smiles in wickedness] Now you slap me.

[After Meryl tells Sam she liked his business idea]

Sam:
Really? You liked that?

Meryl:
No, that was a brick. But you're adorable. Now hop in my pocket and I'll feed you some grapes. [squeezes Sam's chin before walking way]

Ralph Somkin:
I'm here, I'm queer, we can do this thing. [pauses for a second] Actually, I'm not really queer. If anything, I'm slightly homophobic.

Sam:
[trying to suck up] Yeah, yeah, me too...

[After Sam tells Russ he plans to submit to him ideas in a joined effort with one of Russ' favorite employees of all time, even though said employee retires in two weeks]

Russ:
I can't wait. I may even have to camp out, like I did for Revenge of the Sith. My son has a real pet ball (?) for young Darth.

Derek:
So have a nice meeting with Ralph Somkin - aviation legend. Tell him thanks for business class. It's nice to have a buffer zone between me and the hot dogs of Coach.

[after Sam locks up Ralph Somkin in his office so Sam could go to the company's meeting alone for Ralph Somkin's own good]

Ralph Somkin:
[yells at Sam from within the locked office] What's going on here, kiddo? What are you doing?! What the hell is going on? Are you queer?!

[After Ralph Somkin's chimp drops down from the air duct tunnels, and walks over the conference table to approach Russ]

Russ:
Oh my God, is that a rat?!

[after Sam apologizes to Meryl for leaving her think tank to join Ralph Somkin's]

Meryl:
Am I supposed to say don't worry about it now? Am I supposed to tell you everyone gets seduced by fame at some point? That I was... Mickey Rooney's matress for over 18 months?