The Tick

Directed by Mel Damski. Written by Ben Edlund and Larry Charles.

[The Tick talks to reporters outside the courtroom.]

Tick:
This is nothing more than a salty slab of justice jerky - cut and dried!

Tick:
Why is that fella wearing a dress?

Arthur:
[whispering] Because he's the judge.

Tick:
Well, I judge him and find him funny!

[In a flashback, the heroes encounter the armored supervillain Destroyo.]

Tick:
Could be nothin'... could be the stench of unfathomable evil.

...

[Destroyo is bullying Batmanuel.]

Tick:
Hey, Bossy! Why don't you try that on somebody my size?

Destroyo:
Do you know who I am?

Tick:
Yeah, I know who you are, Destinko. Why don't you curl up your metal mitts into fists - 'cause you face the Tick!

Destroyo:
I will destroy you!

Tick:
Bring it on, crap-lobster!

Tick:
Aaaaah... my head feels like-like it's gonna have a baby!

Arthur:
It's called a headache.

Tick:
It has a NAME?!?

[Arthur pours some Asprin into Tick's hand. Tick pops them into his mouth and chews them.]

Tick:
Ewwww! This is the worst tasting candy, ever!

[From his cell, Destroyo plays mind games with Captain Liberty.]

Captain Liberty:
Shut up. You don't know a thing about me.

Destroyo:
On the contrary, Janet, I know all about you. You're a Barbie doll trying to fit into a world of G.I. Joes. Dressed in your special little outfit by the fevered hands of your sweaty Uncle Sam - the only man who ever stayed in your life - who taught you how to fight, but not how to love. And all those boys... all they care about is peeling off that costume to find out if the doll inside is anatomically correct.

Tick:
Gimme that ! (snatches the judge's gavel) Who died and made you the cross-dressing king of justice?

...

Arthur:
Contempt of COURT?!?

Tick:
Well, "contempt" is a strong word. I certainly didn't like court very much...

Batmanuel:
Another urban myth dispelled. Ninjas don't bounce.

Arthur:
[on witness stand] Dance, fat-boy, DANCE!