The X's

Mr. X:
Kids, if I told you once, I told you a thousand times. There's only one thing to do with a villain's secret base. Destroy, Destroy!

Robomom:
(out of control) Destroy!

Mr. X:
Oh no!

Tuesday X:
(to Mrs. X, after she breaks her foot) Home Base says you'll be on your feet in no time.

Home Base:
Actually, I said six-to-eight weeks.

Tuesday X:
Home Base ...

Home Base:
The ambassador of Pandrafia is in town to visit the museum of art. Your assignment is to protect him from those who may wish him harm.

Tuesday X:
Like who?

Home Base:
Mmm...practically everyone. He's a real jerk.

Truman:
I can't believe you guys stayed up all night playing Moon Raider 7.

Tuesday:
That is so irresponsible.

Mr. X:
Young lady! As team leader I will not have my decisions questioned!

Home Base:
X's!!! I regret to inform you that SUPERIOR is furious! Once again, you've nearly blown your cover. They insist that you immediately do something to prove that you can act like a normal family, or, you will all be fired!

Tuesday:
(gesturing around the living room) How are we ever gonna act like a normal family?! I mean, look at this place! Normal families don't have a remote control with a launch button! Normal families don't have exploding lawn gnomes! Normal families don't have portraits of themselves fighting giant robot squids!

Mr. X:
Greetings fellow suburbanite!

Neighbor:
Howdy, neighbor! Out walking your- (looks down at robot) -dog? Oh, I see he's got one of them cones to stop him from biting himself, heh, and no head.

Mr. X:
I have to...grout the dollies, or something!

Mr. X:
(to Truman) You dare question the manual? The manual is law! The manual must be obeyed. Do not anger the manual!

Mrs. X:
A tranquility retreat? That's- ...a great idea!

Tuesday X:
Huh?

Mrs. X:
I can keep myself sharp by getting my tranquility to retreat!

Home Base:
I believe the intent is to make you more tranquil-

Tuesday X:
(elbowing Home Base) You're right mom! Isn't she, Home Base?

Home Base:
What? Oh, I see! We're lying!

Tuesday X:
Mom, don't you think you got a little bit carried away?

Home Base:
You can be just a wee bit...gut-wrenchingly terrifying.

Mrs. X:
Hey! If beating up a few hundred civilians is wrong, I don't wanna be right, baby.

Mr. X:
(shaking Truman's explosive) Oh, there! The way you had this set up, it would've exploded!

Truman X:
(incredulously) It's supposed to explode!

Mr. X:
Don't look at these codes! They're secret!

Mrs. X:
Dear? Those are ZIP codes.

Mr. X:
...who told you that?

Mr. X:
Touchdown!

Tuesday X:
No no no, it's a strike.

Mr. X:
Pfft, a strike is when you miss three times.

Tuesday X:
No it isn't!

Brandon:
Uh, listen, Uncle G-Face? Can I take off? I have a lot of...homework, and stuff.

Glowface:
No way Manuel! You just don't wanna have to fight your girlfriend! (mockingly) Stop beating me up, Tuesday! Oh, ow! Ow! You so strong!

Brandon:
What are you, twelve?

Lorenzo Suave:
(to Tuesday X) I've spent my entire life training for this moment! Except Wednesday nights, I have a pottery class.

Glowface:
Surrender, you fools! You cannot defeat me!

Tuesday X:
What are you talking about? We always defeat you!

Glowface:
...Did you have to bring that up? I mean, I got feelings too, you know! I mean, how would you like it if I pointed out all of your shortcomings? Like those tacky stockings?!

Mrs. X:
What did we just eat?

Mr. X:
(looking at menu) Les yeux de cochon frit.

Mrs. X:
And what's that?

Waiter:
Fried pig's eyeballs.

Mr. X:
(gagging)

Mrs. X:
Fun.

Mr. X:
Alright Home Base, we're gonna need a tennis field.

Home Base:
No. I believe it's a tennis court sir.

Mr. X:
Tennis field, now!

Mr. X:
Looks like there will be no problem solving this no problems problem!

Mrs. X, Tuesday, and Truman:
Huh?

Mr. X:
Exactly.

Tuesday X:
(to Mr. X) Dad, if you want to tan, you're gonna have to take off your suit.

Mr. X:
Ah, that's just what the sun's expecting me to do.

Mr. X:
They gave me a solid uranium watch! See? It glows in the dark! And in the light!

Glowface:
(to Lorenzo Suave) I'll make a giant inflatable suit! ...You're just pretending to be interested, aren't you?

Lorenzo Suave:
No no no, nothing fascinates me more than a big bag of hot air.

Glowface:
Yeah, it is pretty darn- wait, was that sarcasm?!

Lorenzo Suave:
(sarcastically) No.

Glowface:
...Good!

Sasquatch:
Puny X's! Sasquatch command army of moles! Sasquatch make them hollow out entire planet! Soon Earth will collapse like empty egg shell!

Tuesday X:
If they hollow out the whole planet, where are they gonna put all the dirt?

Sasquatch:
Sasquatch...not...think about...quiet, you!

Kimla:
(about Sasquatch) And that monster is clearly just some bad actor in a cheap fur suit! (rips off Sasquatch's fur)

Sasquatch:
OW! Sasquatch not some bad actor! Sasquatch very good actor!

Glowface:
Ooh, the Y's! Lorenzo, how's my hair?

Lorenzo Suave:
You have none, sir.

Glowface:
Then fetch me some!

Home Base:
(to the X's) In addition, you have appalling taste in footwear.

Mr. X:
No one insults our shoes! Get outta my house!

Home Base:
(angrily) I AM your house.

Mr. X:
Then we'll get out. We don't need you, Mr. Smarty-House.

Snafu:
Awhh, how cute!

Live and Let Diaper [1.28]:
sniffs air*