Top Chef, Season 1

Cynthia:
[to Stephen] How are you doing, Brian?

Stephen:
Stephen?

Andrea:
[of her Elimination Challenge dish] It looked like a bomb exploded on my plate.

Ken:
[of the other chefs judging his food] I don't care whether the other chefs express their opinions about my food. If the food is good, say it's good. If the food is crap, flip the plate.

Lee Anne:
Stephen is a sommelier so he's a professional bullshitter.

Andrea:
I'm bringing something to the competition that other people aren't bringing, you know, it's the ability to move your bowels with vegetables.

Cynthia:
What the f*** did I come over here for?

Ken:
[to Tom Colicchio] I speak my mind, that's the way I am.

Ken:
C'mon guys! Allez! Allez!

Miguel:
I love you dawg!

Stephen:
[chuckling] Schmuck.

Andrea:
[of Miguel's reaction to guest judge Madame S] Miguel, of course, was like 'Aw, she's so hot!' And I'm like, Miguel, you have to get out of the house a little more.

RuPaul:
[referring to Andrea's dessert] Now is this low-cal?

Andrea:
Yes, there's no butter, there's no saturated fat.

RuPaul:
Everything is organic?

Andrea:
Everything is organic, right down to the chocolate.

RuPaul:
[tasting her dessert] Needs butter.

RuPaul:
Aren't all desserts really sexy? I mean, have you ever seen a fat person eat a cream puff? I mean, that's like watching somebody having sex.

Tom Colicchio:
Are those condoms hanging out of your pocket?

Miguel:
Oh yeah, absolutely Chef. I always go to the kitchen protected.

Andrea:
[referring to the QuickFire Challenge] Everybody starts digging in and there are all these chefs like chop-chop-chop-chop-chop-chop suey all over the place, and I'm looking at this basket of fruit and I'm like, I just really want to put the basket of fruit exactly as it is on the table.

Miguel:
[to Madame S] I would love to serve you.

Andrea:
[naming her dish] Creamy Balls and Crunchy Nuts.

Lisa:
[frustrated by some of the more elitist chefs' ideas] You don't get complicated and sophisticated when you're cooking food for kids!

Stephen:
[referring to his Teammate in the Elimination Challenge] Candice I find to be the weakest in the whole competition. It's a bit hard for me to come down to her level. I mean, I'd love to bring her up to my level but that's just not really possible.

Stephen:
[referring to Candice] If you can't stand the heat in the kitchen, you know, it's probably best to remove yourself.

Tom Colicchio:
[as he is checking on the Red Team] Do kids like yogurt?

Lisa:
They like blue yogurt.

Tiffani:
You know I wasn't going to go like, do the monkfish nugget interpretive dance for the kids.

Tom Colicchio:
[referring to Tiffani's attitude] There is one thing that we do in the restaurant business, and that is make people happy. And I don't care how you do that, that's what you do.

Brian:
[telling the chefs he has been sent home] Elvis has left the building.

Candice:
[to Stephen] Obviously you're a tool and a douche bag!

Tiffani:
[referring to Stephen's presentation of his dish] There's an element of condescension when he explains his dish, that you can't possibly understand all the things that are in this dish.

Tiffani:
[while shopping at the gas station] Think we should buy some Rolaids for the judges?

Dave:
Yeah, that's for sure.

Andrea:
[referring to the Gas Station Challenge] I really encourage people to eat food that doesn't have a lot of chemicals in it. My clients are going to pass out and die… [laughs]

Tom Colicchio:
[referring to Andrea's nutritious entree] I'm feeling healthier already.

Tiffani:
[during victory interview] I am the Kenmore Microwave Queen.

Tom Colicchio:
[to the bottom three contestants] If I could really get rid of two of you I probably would, um, matter of fact , all three.

Gail Simmons:
Stephen looked at us like we were crazy! His Japanese infused, confused tamale?

Tom Colicchio:
He's just getting over-creative, and it's just getting in the way. I think he gets too wrapped up in the dogma of cooking.

Harold:
[about being paired with Lisa for an Elimination Challenge] I feel so confident working with her, so comfortable, I'm predicting victory tomorrow.

Lee Anne:
Stephen, you gotta sell it!

Stephen:
I'm trying. I don't think this is our target market!

Lisa:
Somewhere in the recesses of my mind it's occurring to me that perhaps we didn't think it through, serving seared tuna in the Mission District.

Miguel:
[Referring to Andrea before the Judges' Table convenes] My friend has immunity here, and I'm up on the chopping block but I feel great and I know she saved me today, so I'm feeling really confident.

Harold:
[Going to the Judges' Table with the second group] I knew we were in trouble at this point cause, I mean, first group that goes in gets handshakes, kisses, and champagne and the second group goes in and it's usually a bloodbath.

Andrea:
[to protect her teammate Miguel] If I did something to destroy his chances of staying, um, then I would like to give him my immunity.

Mike Yakura:
[to Miguel at the Judges' Table] If you have these skills and you want to win this just go like 'Hell no, I'm doing this, I'm taking this cart over, I'm going to drive. If I'm going to go down in a burning plane I'm going to be at the wheel.'

Miguel:
Chunk LeFunk has left the building. Thank you.

Stephen:
I could've got the food out on time if I wasn't at the table explaining about where Rueda is in location to Rioja.

Stephen:
The other team's concept is totally a style that I would never engage in, you know it was very warming, welcoming, very comfortable.

Katie Lee Joel:
So the winning chef will be going to Cannes, and somebody else will be getting canned.

Tiffani:
I wanted to help decorate the room - it's something I enjoy doing, and it feeds who I am - but I was happy to sort of have Dave out of the kitchen.

Tiffani:
If Dave gets in a bad head space, it's over, but it could have been much worse, we could have had Stephen.

Harold:
[to Tom Colicchio] Does that mean we're partners now?

Lee Anne:
[of working with Stephen and Miguel] I got put on the team with the big thinker and the no thinker.

Dave:
[to Tiffani] I'm not your bitch, bitch!

Tom Colicchio:
This is going to sound harsh; I've had better from a take-out place in New York.

Guest:
The salmon was USELESS! …I was all of a sudden in a bad convention - it might as well have been boiled chicken.

Stephen:
I needed to talk to some of the members of the hotel, and making sure that the EXECUTION - the foremost important part of this whole entire event - was intact.

Stephen:
A chef's responsibility is to delegate. He is a leader, he is a manager in the kitchen; no one took that role. No one, except for myself.

Stephen:
This wedding cake had no potential whatsoever. I did not want to attach my name - even if I were to help - because, you know, mediocrity is not my game and I just didn't want to have anything to do with it.

Harold:
Stephen definitely deserved to go home. I could have backed him up, but he called Lee Anne out. There was no way I was gonna let Lee Anne go out like that.

Harold:
Who caters a wedding out of a Supermarket?! That's unheard of. That's ridiculous! You have specialty purveyors that you go to… that specialize.

Harold:
[about the wedding cake] It's why God created Betty Crocker.

Stephen:
Now that my role in this competition has finally come to an end I'm going to be a restaurateur, and that is my goal in life. I will probably influence the industry and raise the bar to a level of excellence that I don't think has been achieved yet to date in this country.

Harold:
When I saw the truffles in with the wine, I thought, "This is why I got involved in this competition. This is why I'm here."

Tiffani:
Dave's food is never really all that refined.

Tiffani:
My food is so great, and I don't get the sense that - unless something drastic happens - I'm going home.

Lorraine Bracco:
I'm not needing to lick my plate.. and that makes me very sad.

Dave:
[on being one of Tiffani's sous chefs] Helping someone who I just have little or no respect for.. drinking is the only way I can make it through. Lorraine, thanks for the wine.