Will & Grace, Season 9

Karen:
You're not still living together, are you?

Will:
No! Well, she's living here right now...

Grace:
Staying here. For just a couple of weeks until the dust settles.

Jack:
On your genitals?

Grace:
On my divorce.

Jack:
Because of your genitals?

Grace:
You are so woke. I used to be woke... now I use my pussy hat to smuggle candy into movies.

Bridget:
Rosario sent me up. I'm here to represent the staff. We'd like a raise.

Karen:
Gimme a break, Mrs. Potato Head!

Bridget:
Rosario said, "Don't leave until the woman pays us what we're worth."

Karen:
Did she call me the A-word, the B-word, or the C-word?

Bridget:
Yes, ma'am.

Will:
For me, my coming out was pretty typical. My mom cried, my dad drank, and my grandmother got rabies. Unrelated, but just a rough weekend all around.

Jack:
I don’t work today! It’s so expected. You’re my lawyer - get me out of this.

Will:
In the case of McFarland v. Reality, the Supreme Court ruled: Grow Up.

Tasha:
Why is your friend at the lady doctor?

Karen:
Why does anyone go to any doctor? Fear and pills.

Will:
Wow, Elliot, look at you. You're a real Texan.

Elliot:
Yeah. I drink Kool-Aid and I don't separate church and state.

Jack:
[to Skip] This place can't fix you, because you aren't broken.

Beverly Leslie:
Well, well, well. I must have died during surgery, because the Devil herself is before me.

Karen:
Why, Beverly Leslie. I thought they'd torn down all the corroded, old Confederate statues.

Jack:
You know what hurts more than the money? Although, make no mistake, the money hurt a great deal! I thought you were a good person!

Theodore:
Well, that's entirely on you, because I have given you absolutely no reason to think well of me.

Karen:
Sorry I'm late, but I got here as soon as I wanted to.

Lorraine Finster:
You married my father. I slept with your husband. That makes us family.

Will:
I am done with Christmas! Who feels like celebrating anyway, with all the crap going on nowadays?

Jack:
I don't understand you, Will. This is the one time a year when fat people are supposed to be jolly.

Will:
It's not going to snow. There's no such thing as miracles. Christmas is for spoiled rich kids. And Santa is just another old white perv we once trusted.

Grace:
Oh, my God, where have you been? I've been looking all over for you.

Will:
I was downstairs wringing the Christmas goose.

Grace:
Don't you think you should do that in private?

Jack:
Don't mind me, I just need to get a few things. I'm entertaining a gaggle of gays across the hall.

Will:
I believe the correct term is "a giggle of gays".

Jack:
Ah, she stands corrected. Grace, where's your shame pizza?

Grace:
I do not have...

Jack:
Grace...

Grace:
Vegetable drawer.

Jack:
[examining the pizza] This is a pepperoni pizza, but there's no pepperoni, just crop circles of cheese...

Grace:
IT CAME THAT WAY!

[Will and Grace find out they're sleeping with the same man]

Will:
Well, this is a first.

Grace:
Yeah.

Will:
We did say we wanted to do crazy things. To feel young.

Grace:
Well, sexuality is fluid now. It's what young people do.

Will:
You know what young people don't do? Say "That's what young people do".

Grace:
I'm being nice. Pretending to care about something when you want to kill yourself is what a human being does.

Jack:
Thanks for lending me your car, Karen. It's so fancy! What kind is it?

Karen:
A black one. Oops, I mean an "African-AmeriCar". Better watch out for the PC police. Now, take me to Jew-dorf Goodman, you big, mincing butt pirate!

Will:
I need closure, Grace. I need to find out why he broke up with me.

Grace:
You don't.

Will:
It's two minutes of his time. What could go wrong in two minutes?

Grace:
Ask every girl who ever got pregnant at her prom.

Grace:
Did you just steal a badge from a cop?

Karen:
Did you just eat an entire tray of sliders?

Grace:
I'll keep your secret if you keep mine.

Grace:
Will! I just got amazing news!

Karen:
Grace got an STD!

Grace:
I did not say "STD", I said "QVC".

Karen:
Well, they're both ways to get something cheap that looks awful.

Drew:
If I'm gay, isn't coming out of the closet a good thing?

Jack:
It was once. But you know how people thought eggs were good for you, but then we discovered they weren't?

Drew:
But eggs are good for you.

Jack:
Tell that to the chicken who just lost a child.

Jack:
Mother always said the best way to get over one guy is to get under, behind and sideways with another one.

Will:
All right, I am off to the tennis club. I know what you're thinking - didn't I already work out this morning? Yes, but if I burn off a few more calories after work, I can hit the pressed juicery. I know, those things are pure sugar, but what can I say, I love 'em.

Karen:
Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait - oh, my God, I didn't know this was going to be a story about juice! You know what, back it up, start at the beginning, and really drag it out this time, okay?

Karen:
[on the phone] One pound of proscuitto, one pound of mortadella, five kinds of cheese, from mild to stinky, big vat of coleslaw... [to Jack] Almost done.

Jack:
Are you ordering a deli platter?

Karen:
Having phone sex with Stan.

Grace:
This is all your fault!

Will:
How is this my fault?

Grace:
Because you made me write down my feelings like a WASP instead of eating them like a Jew!

Grace:
Oh my God, you scared me! I thought someone was robbing the place!

Jack:
I'm not robbing the place, I'm just rifling through drawers looking for money.

Grace:
Why are the hot ones always gay or Nazis?

Grace:
We are going to Schenectady.

Will:
Schenectady? But that's where your family lives.

Grace:
We are going there to celebrate my mom's birthday. It was her dying wish.

Will:
I thought her dying wish was for you to get breast implants.

Grace:
She had a lot of dying wishes.

Will:
My dad always wanted me to watch golf with him.

Martin:
Really? What's your handicap?

Will:
That I hate golf.

[after a family dinner party has gone badly]

Grace:
I'd like to thank you again for inviting my dad.

Will:
My pleasure. And thank you for inviting my mom.

Grace:
Yeah. I thought when I did it, "Oh, that'll show him!" I forgot that I live here too.

Jack:
Estefan, this is Will and Grace. Will, Grace, Estefan.

Estefan:
[looking at Grace] Oh, this is Will! Look at him, with his square jaw and wild mane of red hair!

Grace:
What? No! I'm not Will! I'm obviously a woman!

Estefan:
Maybe you are not the one to say what is obvious.

Jack:
He's got you there, Grace.