You're the Worst, Season 4

Edgar:
Maybe she’s not texting you because she knows the only reason you’re checking in is to make yourself feel better. Yeah, maybe Gretchen wants to get on with her life and never think about you again. Maybe she thought you were dead, Jimmy. Checking tips on the hotline, coming home night after night to an empty house with only your scent on your pillow to cling to for comfort, until it too faded away and she was left all alone with nobody to make breakfast ramen for, alone with nothing but her scentless pillows and haunted thoughts of all the friends she lost in the war.

Jimmy:
You know, I almost texted Gretchen again earlier.

Edgar:
Jimmy!

Jimmy:
No, I didn't do it. I wrote about a hundred drafts, but couldn't get it right. Probably for the best, you know. Out of sight, out of...

[Gretchen bursts into the house, running and stopping abruptly upon seeing Jimmy, who stands up. She slowly steps up to where she is standing over him.]

Gretchen:
HEY! DOT DOT DOT!

Gretchen:
So, I forgot to tell you, I had sex with that dummy Ty.

Lindsay:
[excitedly throwing clothes, which land on a model] WHAT?!

Gretchen:
And then, later that same day, I boned his best friend.

Lindsay:
[throwing more clothes] WHAT?!

Model:
Should I try a walk, or...

Lindsay:
Shut up!

Gretchen:
Plus, he's married, so it can't be a thing. That's right--two guys in a row, just like senior prom.

Jimmy:
Right, she's acting really weird.

Edgar:
Like David Bowie in Labyrinth weird, or like Kevin in We Need to Talk About Kevin weird?

Jimmy:
She's watching pornography fully clothed.

Edgar:
Kevin weird.

Gretchen:
I was thinking I move back and we run the roller rink together. Don't say anything, but I'm serious. I probably have a new niece or nephew by now, and our family cat is not gonna be around forever.

Heidi:
Don't move back here, Gretchen.

Gretchen:
No, I know. But it's not out of desperation. I want to.

Heidi:
Well, I don't want you to.

Gretchen:
Is it because I ghosted you in high school? We talked about that.

Heidi:
You didn't ghost me.

Gretchen:
Uh, I did.

Heidi:
Well, you might have, I just wasn't aware of it. Gretchen, we weren't friends then.

Gretchen:
Well, maybe we weren't as day-to-day close, but we were absolutely friends. I have a picture. You were all cancery.

Heidi:
That was when I came back the first time. Everyone wanted a piece of that sweet cancer action. I took photos with everyone. The reason you never came to the hospital is because I never invited you.

Gretchen:
I don't even know what you're talking about here.

Heidi:
We weren't friends after eighth grade. You became a shape-shifter.

Gretchen:
A what?

Heidi:
I know you had family shit and you couldn't be yourself around them, but you'd straight-up act like someone different depending on who you were with, then pretty soon there's no real Gretchen. We'd be best friends on Friday, and on the Monday you'd look right through me. You're just not a great bet to invest too deeply in. Everyone liked you or wanted you, but no one knew you.