Young Sheldon, Season 2

Adult Sheldon:
I also had extraordinary hearing. During dinner, I could tune out the cacophony of chewing, slurping, chewing, cutlery scraping against plates, chewing, and my father's heavy breathing as he wrestled with a ketchup bottle. But tonight, there was one sound I couldn't tune out.

Meemaw:
The magic continues.

Sheldon:
She's a person. And we all know how I feel about people.

Meemaw:
He's grabbing at straws now.

Sheldon:
So, if god's plan is to save all of the universe, that means a race of octopus aliens light-years away could only be saved by Jesus?

George Cooper Sr:
What do you say we keep this quiet?

Sheldon:
Like a secret.

George Cooper Sr:
All you gotta do is be cool!

Sheldon:
Did you kill it?

Missy:
You tell me.

Kids:
Trick-or-treat!

Sheldon:
I'm Carl Sagan.

Paige:
You happy to see me?

Sheldon:
Not immediately.

Paige:
Let's get out of here.

Sheldon:
Where are you going? It's closed.

Police Officer:
What are you kids doing in there?!

Sheldon:
So now what? We just return to our ordinary lives?

Meemaw:
I guess so. Or... we could just go to the store and buy another game.

Adult Sheldon:
Since that night, I've battled orcs, zombies, Nazis, Nazi-zombies, a dinosaur in a go-kart, and played Van Halen's "Hot for Teacher" on a stringless, plastic guitar. But nothing would ever compare to that first quest with my Meemaw. Although Leonard pulling a groin muscle doing Dance Dance Revolution was a close second.

George Cooper Sr:
I may have a better job.

Mary:
In Oklahoma?

Sheldon:
Family conflict has been observed.

Missy:
What are you doing?

Sheldon:
Are you going to talk the whole time?!

Missy:
It seems to be annoying you, so? Yeah.

Missy:
He's an old man.

Sheldon:
I'm not an old man.

Sheldon:
Don't even get me started.

Sheldon:
Eat outdoors. Do I look hippie to you?

Mary Cooper:
Care to explain yourself?

Sheldon Cooper:
I was trying to motivate Missy to expand her intellectual horizons.

Mary Cooper:
By torturing her Cabbage Patch doll?

Sheldon Cooper:
Well, it's not like I shocked her with electrodes, which was an option.

Mary Cooper:
Enough.

Sheldon Cooper:
To be clear, I meant to shock Missy, not the doll. That would be an effect--

Mary Cooper:
ENOUGH! And you! Getting baptized just to kiss a girl?! What were you thinking?!

Georgie Cooper:
Sounds like you know what I was thinking.

Mary Cooper:
Well, you are both grounded!

Missy Cooper:
"Dear Alf, I'm your number one fan. I like you because you're an alien but you're funny, unlike my brother who's an alien but just a jerk. Anyway, I hope you're enjoying your time here on our planet and have found things to eat other than cats. I recommend chicken nuggets. Sincerely, Missy Cooper, age 10."

ALF:
"P.S. My favorite color is pink. What's yours?" Ha. What a cutie pie. Hey, hey, Barbara, we got any more of those pink T-shirts with my face on them? I want to send one to this Missy Cooper kid. Oh, oh, and get me some chicken nuggets, huh? Hello? Anybody out there? Apparently not. Barb!

[final lines]

George Cooper Sr:
We need a doctor here!

Sheldon:
Where did you go to medical school?

Doctor:
University of Nebraska.

Sheldon:
Uh-oh.

Sheldon:
You know the soft kitty song?

Nurse:
No.

Sheldon:
I'll teach it to you. Get a note pad.

Sheldon:
Do you have any idea where I could obtain radioactive material?

Georgie:
Are you crazy?!

Sheldon:
Nope. Mom had me tested.

Sheldon:
You're fighting me, unless, you wanna shake hands and laugh about this over a glass of milk.

Sheldon:
I'm here every day, and it's like you don't know me at all.

Sheldon:
You're wrong and I can prove it.

[first lines]

Adult Sheldon:
I like to tell you a story about a time I was right. Yeah, now I'm sure you're thinking. But, Sheldon, you're never wrong. And you'd be right. But it's worth taking a closer look at this particular incident because it began with a loaf of bread and ended with me and my family almost being kicked out of the United States of America.

George Cooper Sr:
You loved this country!

Sheldon:
I loved this country!

George Cooper Sr:
You gotta be kidding me.

Sheldon:
I need to become a Jewish person.

Sheldon:
Are these hot dogs kosher?

George Cooper Sr:
What are you doing here?

Sheldon:
I got called to the principal's office.

George Cooper Sr:
So did I! What, you do something wrong?

Sheldon:
Not that I'm aware of. Did you?

George Cooper Sr:
I hope not.

Sheldon:
Maybe it's good news.

George Cooper Sr:
Sheldon, you ever been called the principal's office for good news.

Sheldon:
Never.

George Cooper Sr:
Oh.

George Cooper Sr:
My man.

Sheldon:
When was the last time you washed your hands?

Sheldon:
I'm running for class president.

Sheldon:
You think I'll win, right?

Missy:
God's listening, Mom.

Mary Cooper:
You know that Veronica Duncan girl?

George Cooper Sr:
The one that Georgie likes?

Mary Cooper:
Yeah. I was thinkin' about havin' her stay here for a couple days.

George Cooper Sr:
Wh-, is it Georgie's birthday or somethin'?

Mary Cooper:
No! She's just havin' a rough time at home.

George Cooper Sr:
[takes a sip of his beer] What's goin' wrong?

Mary Cooper:
Her mother's boyfriend has a drinkin' problem, and things have been gettin' out of hand.

George Cooper Sr:
You waited 'til I had a beer to tell me this story, didn't you?

Mary Cooper:
You always have a beer.

Dr. John Sturgis:
What's this? "Connie Tucker is proud to announce that she is sweet on Dr. John Sturgis and they are officially a romantic couple." Oh boy. I'm back in business!

[final lines]

Missy:
Cheers.

Sheldon:
Cheers.

George Cooper Sr:
Why can't you read who won in the newspaper?

Sheldon Cooper:
I could say the same thing about the Super Bowl, but you still watch it.

Missy Cooper:
He got you there.

Adult Sheldon:
Thankfully, I was wrong.

[final lines]