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I did toy with the idea of doing a cook-book. The recipes were to be the routine ones: how to make dry toast, instant coffee, hearts of lettuce and brownies. But as an added attraction, at no extra charge, my idea was to put a fried egg on the cover. I think a lot of people who hate literature but love fried eggs would buy it if the price was right.

– Groucho Marx

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I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set I go into the other room and read a book.

– Groucho Marx

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I won't belong to any organization that would have me as a member.

– Groucho Marx

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I worked myself up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.

– Groucho Marx

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I worked myself up from nothing to extreme poverty.

– Groucho Marx

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I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it.

– Groucho Marx

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if I cannot smoke in heaven, then I shall not go.

– Groucho Marx

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It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy.

– Groucho Marx

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Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy.

– Groucho Marx

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My mother loved children - she would have given anything if I had been one.

– Groucho Marx

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Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse.

– Groucho Marx

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Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have me as a member.

– Groucho Marx

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Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough.

– Groucho Marx

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