13 Going on 30

Lucy:
Okay, you can wipe the doe-eyed, Bambi-watching-her-mother-get-shot-and-strapped-to-the-back-of-the-van look from your face.

Matt:
You don't always get the dream house, but you get awfully close, you know?

Matt:
It doesn't matter what Lucy said. I stopped trusting her after she stole my PopRocks in the third grade.

[Repeated lines]

Matt:
Arrivederci.

Jenna:
Au revoir.

Mom:
Just because you don't look like those girls in Poise magazine doesn't mean you're not beautiful in your own way.

Jenna:
I don't wanna be beautiful in my own way. I wanna look like these people!

Mom:
Oh, those aren't people, honey. Those are models.

Lucy:
Can you get in the car?

Jenna:
I can't get in the car, I don't get in the car with strangers.

Lucy:
Please get in the car, we're gonna be late.

Jenna:
I can't get in the car, I don't know you.

Lucy:
Just get in the car.

Jenna:
I don't get in the car with strangers!

Lucy:
You're being a little paranoid.

Becky:
I like your dress.

Jenna:
That's because I have these incredible b*obs to fill it out!

Jenna:
I love you, Matt. You're my best friend.

Matt:
Jenna... I've always loved you.

For some, 13 feels like it was just yesterday. For Jenna, it was.

A comedy for the kid in all of us.

[Jenna has invited the most popular girls in school to her 13th birthday party]

Young Matt:
I can't believe you invited those clones.

Young Jenna Rink:
They're my friends.

Young Matt:
The Six Chicks are not your friends, okay?

Young Jenna Rink:
Almost. And someday I'm gonna BE a Sixth Chick.

Young Matt:
There are six of them, Jenna, that's the whole point. There can't be a seventh Sixth Chick. It's just mathematically impossible. Besides you're way cooler than they are, they're totally unoriginal.

Young Jenna Rink:
I don't want to be original, Matty, I want to be cool.

Lucy:
Richard, we are hiring new printers, we're installing passwords. We're building firewalls on all the computers. Jenna fired Charlotte yesterday.

Richard:
Did you? Good, I guarantee she has friends at Sparkle. She was always taking notes.

Lucy:
She was a secretary.

Richard:
Yeah, whatever.

Lucy:
Speaking of disasters, what is she doing here?

Jenna:
Who?

Lucy:
Sparkle's editor in chief, Trish Sackett. Twelve o'clock and headed our way.

Trish:
Hi, girls. Our J. Lo issue is selling like hotcakes. How's yours doing?

Lucy:
My God, Trish, are things so bad you had to come to our party to eat free food? Please, put some crab in your purse for later.

Trish:
You might want to keep some of that biting wit for your magazine. Or you could change the name to something more appropriate...like Poison or Pitiful. Whatever's more pathetic.

Jenna:
You know what? You are rude and mean and sloppy and frizzy. I don't like you at all.

Arlene:
I have your urgent messages.

Jenna:
Let's hear them.

Arlene:
Well, okay. Emily Pratt called and wanted me to tell you, "I can't believe you scooped my story on Vivienne Tam, you backbiting b*tch. That was a new level of sleaze, even for you. I hope you die in one of her casual pantsuits."

Jenna:
Oh, my God, that was so mean.

Arlene:
Miss Lewis called. She said, "I hope you choke on your own bile, you pretentious, conniving snake."

Jenna:
Maybe I should read them myself.

Beverly Rink:
Well, Jenna, I know I made a lot of mistakes, but I don't regret making any of them.

Jenna:
How come?

Beverly Rink:
Because if I hadn't have made them, I wouldn't have learned how to make things right.

[Jenna returns to 1987, and has a second chance as Crazy for You by Madonna plays in the background.]

Young Lucy:
[to Matt; snobbishly] Jenna's waiting for you in the closet.

[Young Lucy goes upstairs; Young Matt goes to closet, and opens door]

Young Jenna:
[happily] Matty! [pounces on Young Matt and passionately kisses him.]

Young Matt:
[impressed] Wow. You really know what you're doing.

Young Jenna:
Come on.

Young Lucy:
[takes scarf; snobbishly] Sorry, I forgot my scarf.

Young Jenna:
[angrily snatches Lucy's homework, and rips it up] You know what? You can be the pot and kettle all by yourself from now on, [splashes Young Lucy's drink on her dress] biatch. [to Matt] Come on, Matt.

Young Lucy:
[to Young Jenna; incensed] What did you call me?!

Young Jenna:
We're gonna be late.

Young Matt:
For what?

Young Jenna:
You'll see.

[last lines]

Jenna:
A Razzle, Mr. Flamhaff?

Matt:
Thank you, Mrs. Flamhaff.

Mom:
“Well, Jenna, I know I made a lot of mistakes, but I don’t regret making any of them…Because if I hadn’t have made them, I wouldn’t have learned how to make things right.”

Young Matt:
Hey, Jenna. [takes a picture of him and Jenna]

Young Jenna Rink:
Matt, please. No more pictures.

Young Matt:
Come on, it's your 13th birthday. We gotta document it.

Lucy:
Honey, I know I'm your best friend, but the slip-dress is a little '97... unless it's retro.

Jenna:
[surprised] Are you really my best friend?

Lucy:
[wondering why Jenna is acting so strange] You're pregnant.

Jenna:
[horrified] Oh, no! Oh, my God, no!

Lucy:
[relieved] Thank God. You scare me. What did you do last night?

Jenna:
[nervous] See, that's just it. Something really strange is happening. I slept in an apartment I've never seen before... and there was a naked man in my shower and I saw his thingy.

Lucy:
[sarcastically] Oh, God. Not his thingy. [to driver] Driver, could you please pull over, since we're here?

Jenna:
[on the sidewalk, ringing the buzzer for an upstairs apartment] Hello? Yeah. Hi, this is Jenna and I'm looking for Matt. I don't know if you're him, but if you lived on Spruce Street and if your favorite shirt is a gray velour one, I need to speak to you.

Matt:
[talking over speaker-system, poor reception] Hello? Hello? You know what? I got none of that. But if you're here from Ming Gardens food delivery, ring twice. If not, I really don't want it.

[Jenna walks upstairs and knocks on the door to apt. 2-B; Matt opens the door and sees Jenna.]

Matt:
You're not Chinese.

Matt:
Jenna, what are you... Why are you here?

Jenna:
Matty, I told you - something really weird is happening. Yesterday was my 13th birthday, and then today I woke up and I'm this, and you, I mean - you're that! You get it?

Matt:
[long pause] Are you high? You been smoking pot? Doing X? Fallen into a K-Hole? You doing drugs?

Jenna:
[panicked] I want a fluffy pillow!

Matt:
A fluffy pillow, coming right up.

Becky:
I like your bag.

Jenna:
Thanks, but you should come by sometime. I got like a zillion of them.

Becky:
[suddenly surprised] Really?

Jenna:
Yeah, it would be totally cool. Becky, can I ask you something?

Becky:
Yeah, sure.

Jenna:
Can you tell I'm wearing underwear? 'Cause I totally am.

Becky:
I think that kinda the point!

Jenna:
What happened?

Matt:
I don't know. I can pretty much peg it to your 13th birthday, when you were in the closet playing that game. Spin the Rapist?

Jenna:
[suddenly remembers] Seven Minutes in Heaven. Everybody ditched. And that is the last thing I remembered.

Lucy Wyman:
[after Jenna says she's 13] Jenna, if you're gonna start lying about your age, I'd go with 27.

Jenna Rink:
I wanna be thirty. Thirty and flirty and thriving.

Jenna Rink:
[hearing her cell phone ring] Can you hear that, sir? Can you hear the music?

Jenna Rink:
[dragging Matt to the dance floor] Oh for the love of Pete! You taught it to me!

Jenna Rink:
[at a huge party] I'll have a Pina Colada, not virgin. Do you wanna see my ID? Totally have it!

Jenna Rink:
[to Trish Sackett] You know what? You are rude and mean and sloppy and frizzy! I don't like you at all!

Jenna Rink:
What is that attitude? We are young. Heartache to heartache, we stand. Love is a battlefield.