A Dirty Shame

Sylvia:
Can't you see I'm cooking scrapple!

Sylvia:
My p*ssy's on fire!

Sylvia:
PINK STEEL!

Sylvia:
I'm just Sylvia Stickles, I'm a horny woman with a head injury.

Sylvia:
Help me to keep my sexual sobriety!

Sylvia:
I'm Sylvia, and my clitoris is in crisis

Sylvia:
I'm Sylvia Stickles and I've got the itch!

Ray Ray:
A concussion is a terrible thing to waste.

Ray Ray:
I've got a hard-on of gold, and my tongue is on fire.

Vaughn:
A man has needs, Sylvia! Marital needs!

Big Ethel:
We got blatant homosexuals shopping right in our store. They eat life you know. Sperm!

Big Ethel:
Did you see those new neighbors moving in? Grown men with hairy legs prancing around half-naked? "We're bears." What the hell is that supposed to mean?!

Marge:
Filthy little hedges, growing all dirty! Makes me sick!

Marge:
I read in the paper the other day that the average married couple has sex over 100 times a year! That's a lie, people would be raw if that was true!

Marge:
I'm going to call the postmaster general - if he's not whacking off! - and report your potty mouth!

Sylvia:
You were convicted of indecent exposure for the third time!

Caprice:
I was promoting the art of dance!

Sylvia:
With nude loitering? Nude and disorderly conduct? Nude drunken driving?!

Caprice:
I was not DRUNK! I was on PILLS!

Sylvia:
Something is the matter with you, Caprice!

Caprice:
You are SUCH a neuter, mother! And neuters will never understand!

Sylvia:
Something is the matter with your vagina!

Betty:
Don't you find it funny that every man in this neighborhood has a penis? [giggles]

Vaughn:
Well, not really, Betty.

Driver:
Hurry up! I've got a hot date!

Sylvia:
What, at 7 am?! What's the matter with you?

Female Driver:
You'd have a date too if you wore some makeup!

Vaughn:
Good morning Big Ethel.

Big Ethel:
What's good about a morning with d*ldos in it?

Shopper:
Amen to that! My husband's on Viagra!

Big Ethel:
Oh you poor thing!

Shopper:
Every minute he wants it!

Marge:
He has no right to be that hard!

Shopper:
I'm Viagra-vated and I'm not going to take it anymore!

Big Ethel:
We're having a decency rally.

Resident:
You'd better start in your own back yard then. I heard your daughter Sylvia picked up a bottle with her cooter in the old folks' home!

Big Ethel:
That's not true! My daughter's a good girl, she hates sex!

Officer Alvin:
I'm an adult baby, Sylvia. You want to be my Mommy?

Ray Ray:
Adult babies are into age regression. They intensely eroticize being infants, and, sometimes they like to be burped.

Officer Alvin:
I'm a big boy! And I'm beyond the law.

Papa Bear:
We're husky, we're hairy, we're homosexual, and out of the second closet!

Mama Bear:
And we can cuddle all night!

Big Ethel:
Do you know how embarrassing this is for me? One nymphomaniac in the family is bad enough, but two?!

Vaughn:
It's a disease, Big Ethel.

Big Ethel:
Bein' a whore is a disease?!

Dora:
Ever take a roofie?

Sylvia:
NO!

Dora:
Me neither. I'm afraid I'd stay home and date-rape myself all night long!