A Southern Yankee

Col. Clifford M. Baker:
The paper's in the pocket of the boot with the buckle. The map's in the packet in the pocket of the jacket. Understand?

Aubrey Filmore:
Hmm?

Col. Clifford M. Baker:
And if you get them mixed up, you're a dead goose.

Aubrey Filmore:
Oh, well let's see now. The paper's in the pocket of the macket with a jacket, and the . . No, I see, the packet's in the . .

Col. Weatherby:
Now, if you don't mind, the map, if you please.

Aubrey Filmore:
Oh, the map, the map, the map . . [to himself] The map's in the packle of the bucket with the jeckle. No, the jacket's in the buckle of the pocket with the poodle - the boodle.

Col. Weatherby:
Major Drummond, the map!

Aubrey Filmore:
Yes, the map, the map, the map . . [to himself] The map's in the packle of the bugle with the pickle. No, no. The pocket of the boo - with the bagel. Not the bagel, the bugle, er, the buckle [aloud] That's it, the boot with the buckle. [He hands over the wrong document] I always carry my secret papers in the boot with the buckle. They'd have to kill me to get it, Sir. A soldier always dies with his bookles on, er, his bagels buckled, er, his . . Nice pair of shoes, don't you think?

Aubrey Filmore:
Let's talk about living.

Col. Weatherby:
That's a wonderful disguise, muh boy. I wish all my officers were as stupid as you.

Aubrey Filmore:
So do I. [laughs]

Aubrey Filmore:
[to the officers] Nothing personal, gentlemen.

Aubrey Filmore:
I'm dying for a smoke.

Kurt Devlynn:
[Envisioning his execution by firing squad] Don't worry. You'll be smokin' later.

Union Cavalry Sergeant:
How old are you?

Aubrey Filmore:
Only twenty-six.

Union Cavalry Sergeant:
Twenty-six - Yhat's a ripe old age for a jackass.

Kurt Devlynn:
[to Calbern about Aubrey] That's another thing I can't understand. Every time I meet him I'm convinced he's a complete idiot.

Sallyann Weatharby:
Oh, Major, I'd like you to meet my cousin, Electra.

Aubrey Filmore:
Morning, Electra!