Action Jackson

Peter Dellaplane:
Murder is a tool!

Officer Kornblau:
So what's your name?

Albert:
A-Albert. A-Albert Smith.

Officer Lack:
Albert, your mother and father weren't by any chance brother and sister, were they?

Albert:
Hey man, what's gon' happen to me?

Officer Kornblau:
Oh, nothing. Uh, wel-nothing much, uh... you might have to endure a little session with, uh, Action Jackson.

Albert:
Wh-who's Axon...?

Officer Lack:
*Action*, Albert. *Action Jackson*.

Officer Kornblau:
Yeah, some say he didn't even have a mother. That some researchers at NASA created him to be the first man to walk on the moon without a space suit.

Officer Lack:
Mm-hmm.

Officer Kornblau:
Others say his mother was molested by Bigfoot and, uh, Jackson is their mutant offspring.

Officer Lack:
They bring in Jackson when they want to re-educate some young ne'er-do-well such as yourself, Albert.

Officer Kornblau:
Yeah, I remember one kid got re-educated so bad, his testicles climbed back up into his belly. Wouldn't come out.

Officer Lack:
They called it a medical miracle.

Officer Kornblau:
Yeah. Another kid, handcuffed to a chair; gnawed his own hand off like a trapped skunk, or wolverine, or somethin'.

Officer Kornblau:
It was a regular f***-o-rama at my place last night.

Officer Lack:
Can the sh*t, Kornblau. There ain't been any p*ssy at your pad since your mother helped you move in. They oughta call your place the House of Wax.