Alibi Ike

Cap:
Good pitchers don't turn up every four years like Presidents.

Reporter:
Well, Cap, what's your idea about the club this season?

Cap:
You couldn't send my ideas about this club through the mail.

Reporter:
[laughs] So, you don't think they look so promising. eh?

Cap:
[Sarcastically] Sure, they look promising. Promising to finish eighth!

Frank X. Farrell:
[Sticking his head in the bathroom] Is this the men's washroom?

Cap:
You'd be in a fine spot if it wasn't, wouldn't yuh?

Frank X. Farrell:
[laughs] That's why I looked first. I wanted to be sure.

Frank X. Farrell:
[to Bess in reference to Dolly] Promise? Say, I'd promise anything. Why, I'd get down on my knees right now if I didn't have water on the knee.

Frank X. Farrell:
[to Cap] You know, it isn't easy pitchin' out there in a night shirt even if it is a night game.

Frank X. Farrell:
[Talking on the phone] Hello, hello, operator! Hello, get me the tailor again! The tailor! The what? Alright then, get me the valet. I want my pants! My pants! He must be there, he's got my pants! Listen, listen, operator, I've got to meet somebody and I need those pants!

Frank X. Farrell:
Hey, what is this, anyway?

Lefty Crawford:
This is a Christmas party and we're playing Santa Claus.

Frank X. Farrell:
What do you mean, Santa Claus?

Lefty Crawford:
Oh, quit kidding. We're giving you a choice. We're either going to fill your stocking or your coffin! Understand? Now, we're giving you a big opportunity. You can be a rich young man if you're smart.

Frank X. Farrell:
Tryin' to bribe me, is that the idea? Well, there's not a chance. I can't be bought. Not a chance.

Lefty Crawford:
Alright. You'll have your money just before the game. Only, don't forget! We'll be watching every move you make.

Frank X. Farrell:
Ha-ha-ha. What do you think I am, a fan dancer?

Cap:
Alright, alright, you fellas, now go on, get back to work. I'll take care of this cuckoo! [to Farrell, who has driven his car out on the ball field] Now, get this thing out of here!

Frank X. Farrell:
Hey, wait a minute mister. I guess you don't realize who I am?

Cap:
Sure I do. You're Dizzy Dean but you've had your face lifted to fool the batters.