All American Christmas Carol

Rat Tail Randy:
Your mouth's sayin' "Don't" but your body's sayin' "Don't stop."

Cindy Wegman:
So I'm gonna... uh, I'm gonna go for a ride with Randy. I just need to feel the wind in my hair and-and mourn the loss of your dead daddy, okay?

Bob:
You missed the whole play.

Cindy Wegman:
I did?

Bob:
Yeah.

Cindy Wegman:
The credits rollin'?

Stage Hand:
Hey, Wegman, your mom's finally here.

Harley:
How do YOU know?

Stage Hand:
'Cause the smell of booze and used condoms just filled the air. Oh, wait... she's never even used a condom before.

Cindy Wegman:
Dang ghosts are screwin' up my life.

Wayne:
Do you love me?

Cindy Wegman:
If Wink wasn't here, I'd show you just how much.

Mr. Wink:
Don't mind me.

Tim:
This is one bad-ass Christmas!