Almost Heroes

Pratt:
Permission to check on the condition of my woman, sir? I wanna check on her bandages and see if she can keep some food down.

Edwards:
You are aware, of course, that this woman of yours is... made of... straw?

Pratt:
Oh, yes, sir. Figure that's why she burned so easy.

Edwards:
Mr. President, we have to give bears the right to vote... or bears will rise up and then BEARS will be in congress and we will be the ones performing in the circus, wearing little hats.

Hunt:
Good God, Lady.

Hunt:
Walk to Asia? I like it.

Hunt:
Muh... Hah-buh...

Jackson:
Sir, Higgins has a story.

Edwards:
Well, Higgins the floor is yours.

Higgins:
This particular event happened last summer on my uncle's farm in Virginia. My brother and I had just finished cutting a field of hay and were enjoying the evening meal under the shade of an elm tree. He went down for water by the creek and when he was gone, I took a bowl that was filled with delicious plum pudding and placed into it, not one, but two large pieces of sheep sh*t. When he returned I encouraged him to taste the plum pudding... And as sure as Im standing before you, he did! He ate it all. Sh*t Pudding!

Edwards:
You got your brother to eat sheep dung. That is a very interesting story.

Hunt:
Tell him the ending, that's the best part.

Higgins:
Oh yeah. To be perfectly honest with you sir, I have no brother. It was me. I ate sheep sh*t! Swear to God.

Edwards:
Clever twist there on the ending.