Angel Beats!

Ayato Naoi:
[engaging his hypnotic power] Come on, realize how useful clothespins are.

Hinata:
Huh?

Ayato Naoi:
Despair in your uselessness and inferiority to the clothespins.

Yuzuru Otonashi:
It's easier to go through life without interacting with people.

Yuzuru Otonashi:
I died before accomplishing ANYTHING. It's not fair.

Yui:
Whoa! Hina-kins, you're wide open! See ya after I kick you right between the legs!

Hinata:
I feel like we're doin' charity work.

Takamatsu:
We're more like a service group than a battlefront.

Yuzuru Otonashi:
But we don't have anyone left to fight, so maybe we'll stop BEING the Battlefront.

Fujimaki:
If that's the case, what will we become?

Yuzuru Otonashi:
Hmm... The Really-Lazy-So-We-Don't-Vanish team?

Yuzuru Otonashi:
Please stay here with everyone.

Kanade 'Angel' Tachibana:
Why?

Yuzuru Otonashi:
I don't want you to fight us anymore. I'd like you to have fun with everyone. Also, you know, I want to be WITH you.

Kanade 'Angel' Tachibana:
[dispassionately] I see. I'll do that, if it's... what you want.

Hinata:
What're you doing here?

Ayato Naoi:
Where'd YOU pop up from?

Yuzuru Otonashi:
So, uh, do you need me for something?

Ayato Naoi:
[simultaneously] Yeah, I was just wondering where you were headed to, Otonashi.

Hinata:
[angrily to Naoi] He can go anywhere he wants!

Ayato Naoi:
It's none of your business.

Hinata:
I need to speak with Otonashi. I'm going to help him with something very very important he's working on.

Ayato Naoi:
Hm! That is MY job, I'm afraid.

Hinata:
Hm!

Ayato Naoi:
You're a nuisance. Time to SCRAM!

[Noai catches Hinata in a hypnotic spell]

Hinata:
Ah!

Ayato Naoi:
Now, look into my eyes. You're toilet paper. Think about how nobly the toilet paper flushes away.

Yuzuru Otonashi:
Hey, now! Enough of that!

Yuzuru Otonashi:
Do you know what I'm trying to do?

Hinata:
Of COURSE I do!

Ayato Naoi:
Of course I do. You're obliterating everyone one by one, right?

Hinata:
You make it sound like some sort of an illegal crime.

Yuzuru Otonashi:
Come to think of it... Hey, Naoi, aren't you free of your lingering emotions?

Ayato Naoi:
I wanna BE with you. Besides, I don't plan on disappearing before THIS punk.

Yuzuru Otonashi:
Don't stay for THAT!

Ayato Naoi:
So what should I do then?

Hinata:
Get obliterated.

Ayato Naoi:
Say, Otonashi, don't you need a partner? I want you to know you can feel free to work me hard, Otonashi.

Ayato Naoi:
She stabs me with anything close to her when she gets angry. Due to my position, I'm frequently right by her side, so she stabs me a lot. My guts hung out for awhile after she stabbed me this morning. It appears she's in a very good mood right now.

Yuri Nakamura:
We may have spent too much time in this world.

Yuzuru Otonashi:
Whadda you mean?

Yuri Nakamura:
It's pretty common in video games: an invincible monster shows up to keep you from playing forever.

Fujimaki:
Oh, man, this is bad. He's gone completely nuts, although he was always a little off.

Yuri Nakamura:
Abnormalities are occurring in this world. An enemy aside from Angel has appeared. It's a direct description but we call them "shadows." Unlike Angel, they can come and go at any time and attack indiscriminately. Anyone devoured by the shadows loses their soul and turns into an NPC that attends class daily. The are currently replicating without end. We don't know what created them and currently have no countermeasures.

[first lines]

Angel Clone:
Is everyone playing at night? Then I'll have to punish you.

Ooyama:
So, what was the problem at hand?

Noda:
"How do we fight against Angel's copy."

Ayato Naoi:
Are you stupid? It's how we VANQUISH her.

Hinata:
Why do you think you joined Gldemo in the first place?

Yui:
Because I admired Iwasawa?

Hinata:
Gldemo was only meant for a diversion.

Yui:
No-no-no-no-no!

Yui:
[asked to distract Angel's evil clone] I might wet myself during the performance, but I'll do my best.

Yui:
I'll keep singing for everyone, even when I'm wetting myself. I'll show you what I've got!

Ayato Naoi:
There are two problems, in fact: First, how many clones did the copy make? And if the clones can make more clones, then there's no end to them.

Hinata:
So, lemme get this straight - what you're telling us is that there might be ten or twenty clones, not just two of 'em.

Yuzuru Otonashi:
Hold on. I thought Yuri added an additional ability. Aren't the clones supposed to return to the original? Can't we just wait for them to vanish?

Ayato Naoi:
And that would be the second problem. What if they made all these clones before that ability was added? What if THAT was the real issue?

Yuzuru Otonashi:
Well, uh...?

Hinata:
Wait, that means...

Ayato Naoi:
Hm! Even you low-lives are starting to understand.

Ayato Naoi:
[to Otonashi] Of course, I'm not talking about you. You are a proud noble!

Ayato Naoi:
[back to the others] See, what if they knew all along that we would come here - and made a bunch of clones to ambush us in the Guild?

Hinata:
That would be...

TK:
...a trap, dude.

[It's time for another member of the The Afterlife Battlefront to take one for the team and fall upon the sword of yet another Angel clone]

Ayato Naoi:
[engaging his hypnotic power on Ooyama] It's time you realized you're a clown. Lookie, there in the darkness is a lonely little girl.

Ooyama:
[dreamy and smitten and running toward his destruction at Angel's hands] Oh-h-h-h. Oh no, you're right. I've got to make her laugh!

[Ooyama gets stabbed]

Hinata:
OOYAMA!

Yuzuru Otonashi:
[turning to Naoi] You're horrible, you know that?

Yuzuru Otonashi:
[confronted by yet another Angel clone waiting to literally cut one of them down] I'll go this time.

Hinata:
Wait, it's my turn. We need to survive until the end, and of all of us YOU need to live.

Yuzuru Otonashi:
Why?

Hinata:
[as tender, heartfelt music plays] Because she's waiting for you. I just know it, Otonashi, so you need to keep going, okay? And if...

Yui:
[delivering a forceful face-kick] Get GOING, if you're gonna DO it!

Yuri Nakamura:
[to a defeated Angel clone] Come on, give it a rest. If you like, I can slit your throat with my spare knife, no trouble at all.

Angel Clone:
I see that you have altered the program.

Yuzuru Otonashi:
Yeah. You're going back inside her where you came from.

Angel Clone:
All of those cruel versions of me will do so?

Yuzuru Otonashi:
What do you mean by that?

Angel Clone:
Even us clones have a will of our own. It won't vanish but merge together with hers. All the clones of me that attacked you will go back inside of her. Do you think that she'll be okay after absorbing all of those personalities at once?

[Otonashi doesn't know what to say]

Angel Clone:
[with a smile] It's time.

Yuzuru Otonashi:
No, wait!

TK:
It's my turn, dudes. Goodbye and good luck. WHAA-HOO-YAAAA!

Yuzuru Otonashi, Ooyama, Takamatsu, Fujimaki:
[together as TK is cut down] TK!

Hinata:
Hey, what gives? It's like we're in a climax of a boy's comic book!

Yui:
You sure your brain didn't melt and ooze outta your nose?

Yui:
[about Shiina] She's a moron.

Hinata:
Yeah, but she's a powerful moron.

Yui:
[standing up boldly against Naoi's challenge] Prepare to get your butts cleaned!

Hinata:
[grabbing her and shouting in anger] You struck out twice already! You just keep your mouth SHUT! And it's "Prepare to get your butts KICKED" - wiping your butt's a hygiene thing!

Yuzuru Otonashi:
This is more like a three-ring circus than a baseball team.

Yuzuru Otonashi:
Are you... going to disappear.

Hinata:
Huh?

Yuzuru Otonashi:
You... think you'll disappear if we win... the game?

Hinata:
Uh-uh. Of course not. Ha! That's just crazy. Obliterated? Over this?

Yui:
Even death can't cure stupid!

Hinata:
[turning on the charm] Otonashi, I really need you, man.

Yuzuru Otonashi:
Sure you're not gay?

Hinata:
NO! I NEED YOU FOR THE TEAM! Let's team up, Otonashi. We're doomed if we lose. Yurippe is serious.

Yuzuru Otonashi:
Do you have anyone else in mind for the team?

Hinata:
[chuckles] Just leave it to me. I've survived off my popularity. We'll make a KICK-BUTT team.

Yuri Nakamura:
Welcome to the Not-Dead-Yet Battlefront.

Yuzuru Otonashi:
I think I'll have better luck talking with someone around here who's not some kind of high school sniper with an M-16 or whatever it is.

Yuzuru Otonashi:
I should go to the hospital.

Kanade 'Angel' Tachibana:
There aren't any hospitals.

Yuzuru Otonashi:
Huh? Why not?

Kanade 'Angel' Tachibana:
Because no one gets sick.

Yuzuru Otonashi:
Why not?

Kanade 'Angel' Tachibana:
Because everyone is dead.

Kanade 'Angel' Tachibana:
Amnesia's quite common here. People who were hurt in any kind of accident before coming here often hurt their head.

Yuzuru Otonashi:
Then prove it, smart-ass! Prove that I can't die since I already... did?

Kanade 'Angel' Tachibana:
[sadly] Hand sonic.

[Angel's hand and forearm instantly transform into a sword which she immediately and forcefully runs through Yuzuru's chest]

Noda:
We'll dance again if you dare insult Yurippe again.

Yuzuru Otonashi:
Isn't there someone I can actually trust around here? Someone with a driver's license at least? A teacher? Wait a minute - where the hell are all the teachers?

Yuzuru Otonashi:
And, by the way, you ARE joking about being reincarnated as anything but human, right?

Matsushita:
It's no joke.

Yuzuru Otonashi:
I mean, how do you know that for sure? Who saw that happen? You don't know that for sure.

Yuri Nakamura:
Of course we don't know "for sure," but Buddhism doesn't say we're only going to be reborn as humans, now does it?

Yuzuru Otonashi:
But, seriously - a barnacle?

Yuri Nakamura:
But this is rather strange.

Hinata:
What is?

Yuri Nakamura:
We've never had a normal student make us reflect on our actions before.

Takamatsu:
Maybe Angel was holding him back.

Yuzuru Otonashi:
Hey, aren't you... aren't you kinda hungry?

Kanade 'Angel' Tachibana:
No, I'm not. Plus, it's a strange time to eat.

Ayato Naoi:
Didn't you realize this world decides who's God? We have memories from when we were alive. Everyone has terrible lives - but why? - because that gives us the right to become God.

Yuzuru Otonashi:
[knocking Naoi away from Yuri] Don't obliterate her with those false memories! Don't do it! The lives all of us lived were real! There's nothing false about the lives we endured! Everything was real! Everyone lived their fullest! We've carved those memories into ourselves! They're memories of our struggles to live! No matter how hard they were, they're the lives we carried out! Don't recreate them to meet your own ends! Wasn't your life the real deal, too?

Noda:
I'll pass on this mission. This sort of sneak-around stuff is for pussies.

Yuri Nakamura:
[instructing Ooyama] Ask Angel out on a date. "I'm sorry to ask this here and now, but I've always loved you. Would you please go out with me this Saturday night?"

Teacher:
[as Takamatsu stands suddenly] What's wrong with you?

Takamatsu:
Ma'am, you see I...

Takamatsu:
[casting off both shirt and jacket in an instant]... look scrawny when fully dressed! Whadda you think?

Teacher:
I can see that. Now sit down.

Yuri Nakamura:
Takeyama, how's it goin'?

Takeyama:
It's going perfectly. Now call me Christ.

Kanade 'Angel' Tachibana:
Who should we start with?

Kanade 'Angel' Tachibana:
I've put a lot of thought into it, but I think we should start with Yui.

Kanade 'Angel' Tachibana:
This is Hand Sonic, Version 5.

Yuzuru Otonashi:
I have to say it looks more demonic than angelic.

Kanade 'Angel' Tachibana:
I made it sinister-looking since you said I am supposed to be a cruel version of Angel now.

Yui:
I wanna hold you down until I win!

Yuzuru Otonashi:
Don't say scary stuff so cutely!

Yui:
[after tossing Otonashi around] Can't I try it again, please?

Yuzuru Otonashi:
S-sure, but can we go somewhere with grass? I'll die, otherwise, for real.

Hinata:
Should the five of us go?

TK:
Kiss you.

Yuzuru Otonashi:
THAT'S the spirit.

Yui:
[facing off against Hinata in soccer] I'll get a goal even if it kills you.

Hinata:
Where'd your sportsmanship go?

Yui:
Who cares about that?

Yui:
Marriage.

Yuzuru Otonashi:
Huh?

Yui:
It's the ultimate happiness for a girl.

Noda:
Wha... What the hell did I just kill?

Noda:
[reading a challenge from Angel] "It's absurd how you dare call yourselves men when you can't defeat a single girl."

Fujimaki:
OH! I'm surprise you could read "absurd." Did you cure your stupidity?

Hinata:
No, even morons can read that.

Noda:
[continuing] "I'll hone your wussy resolve through... sportsmanship? I'll be waiting in the soccer field after school. Sincerely, Angel?" How dare she! Little b*tch!

Hinata:
This doesn't make any sense at all. Did she really write this?

Yuzuru Otonashi:
Angel is not the same Angel she used to be.

Fujimaki:
A bunch on minds got scrambled together. It's possible she'd write a stupid challenge like this.

Noda:
I'm not goin' along with this dumb crap! I'm reporting this to Yurippe.

Hinata:
Despite all that's happened, we've had a pretty good time here.

Yuzuru Otonashi:
We hereby commence the graduation for the Afterlife Battlefront, which has fought in the underworld.

Yuri Nakamura:
I have to say you never looked better.

Hinata:
Leave me alone.

Hinata:
Leader, your work here is done.

Yuri Nakamura:
Mm-hm. Well, hope we meet again some day.

Yuzuru Otonashi:
Come to think of it, I was never supposed to have to come here. It just wasn't my destiny.

Hinata:
What do you mean by that?

Yuzuru Otonashi:
I lived a fulfilled life there at the end. I lost those memories, so I wandered into this world. Once I regained those memories, I learned what it was like to have a fulfilled life here and experience peace. It was a beautiful thing.

Yuzuru Otonashi:
Let's stay together forever.

Yuzuru Otonashi:
[his valedictorian speech] Looking back, we've been through a lot. The first person I met at this school was Yuri Nakamura. She suddenly started explaining how I had died. She told me everyone in this afterlife was unable - they were incapable - of accepting the life they led before death, so they were rebelling against God. I fought with them as a comrade-in-arms, but then, once I regained my lost memories, I was able to accept the life I had. Those memories were so very very dear to me. I wanted to share those feelings with everyone. They had fought for so long. I know it must have been terribly hard; but, they helped one another and believed in each other. They cared for each other. The Battlefront, which centered around Yuri Nakamura, was just that type of group. Our power transformed into courage as everyone began accepting their fates. In the end, everyone moved forward as they moved on. The five of us still here will graduate today. Even if we forget about the friends we've shared this time with, we will never forget the bonds carved into our souls. I'm truly happy that I got to know them. Thank you so much.

Takamatsu:
It looks like you still don't understand. No matter what happens, we can not die. It's just insanely painful.

Yuzuru Otonashi:
That's not cool.

Yuzuru Otonashi:
So tell me, what types of traps are there?

Hinata:
Every kind you can think of. Just keep your eyes peeled.

Yuzuru Otonashi:
Thanks. You're a life saver.

Hinata:
It's no biggie. To be honest with you, I'm pretty fond of you, man.

Yuzuru Otonashi:
Are you gay?

Hinata:
[shocked] HELL, no!

[as bottom man in a human chain, Yuzuru must climb up members of the Afterlife Battlefront to reach safety]

Hinata:
[suggestively as Yuzuru grabs hold of Hinata's belt] Ah, man! Take it easy, will ya?

Yuzuru Otonashi:
Aw, jeez, quit read anything into this!

Yuri Nakamura:
Ahh! Don't grab me THERE!

[slap]

Hinata:
[falling to his doom] Ahhhhhh, yooooooo biiiiiiiitch!

Yuzuru Otonashi:
Remember you said there aren't any hospitals because no one gets sick? So why won't you wake up?

Takamatsu:
This is completely unprecedented. I've never seen someone like this before. There's a distinct possibility that she may never wake up.

Yui:
Everyone seems really smart today. Did you eat something rotten?

Passenger:
[seeing Igarashi filling out an organ donor card] What's that?

Igarashi:
If you sign this, even if by some reason you die, your life can be used to help another.

Kanade 'Angel' Tachibana:
Have you overcome your lingering emotions?

Yuzuru Otonashi:
I guess. If I saved someone, then I guess my life wasn't so bad. That's what I think.

Yuzuru Otonashi:
[suddenly realizing... ] Does that mean... I'm going to disappear now?

Kanade 'Angel' Tachibana:
If you don't have any lingering emotions.

[nothing happens]

Yuzuru Otonashi:
They're still here.

Kanade 'Angel' Tachibana:
I see. Do you want to stay with them forever?

Yuzuru Otonashi:
Well, WE'RE friends, so, yeah, but I feel differently from before. I want all of them to feel at peace, the way I do. It'd be really nice if we could all leave this world together; living a new life wouldn't be that bad. Not really.

Kanade 'Angel' Tachibana:
See?

Yuzuru Otonashi:
Yeah. Huh? Wait a sec! Don't tell me that you... Did you WANT every one of us to share these feelings?

Kanade 'Angel' Tachibana:
Didn't you know?

Yuzuru Otonashi:
Of course not! I mean, the first time we met you stabbed me!

Kanade 'Angel' Tachibana:
But that's only because you told me to prove that you could not die.

Yuzuru Otonashi:
[thoughts] You're too inept for words to describe!

Yuzuru Otonashi:
No one's here because they wanna be. They're just struggling against their unfair lives. Kanade's trying to teach them that's not true.

Yuzuru Otonashi:
[to himself] What should we do? I'm their friend and I want to be Kenade's ally.

Hinata:
Only those who went flying could understand how we feel. We're buddies in the science of flight, you and I.

Takamatsu:
Oh, are you trying to make me strip?

Hinata:
Yeah, go for it! Strip!

Hinata:
Since when were you on OUR side?

Ayato Naoi:
Huh! What're YOU talking about? I'm here to fill in for you, idiot!

Hinata:
Huh?

Ayato Naoi:
Now, disappear like the pathetic toilet paper you are!

Hisako:
If the ever-fighting Battlefront disappears, from this level of existence, if this strange world fulfills its purpose for everyone, even you, I'll be able to think that this was for the best. For a short while, we got to enjoy the youth we never had. I think our time here will have been worth it, if we were just supposed to have fun - but isn't that what life's about?

Hinata:
You definitely had an attitude problem, though.

Ayato Naoi:
I do NOT have an attitude problem! How dare you say that to God!

Ooyama:
I don't have any special talents, but maybe I'll make God's eyes pop out if I do something great here.

TK:
[fighting the shadow monsters] Knockin' on Heaven's door.

Hinata:
Hold on a minute. That's Bob Dylan.

Noda:
But it matches the situation.

Hitomi:
Are you losing your mind?

Yuri Nakamura:
Maybe I am.

Yuri Nakamura:
This is such a happy environment. It's too dazzling for me. This is the way people live their lives. Isn't it just beautiful? I'm envious. If I vanished now, could I start over anew? Could I accept normal happiness?

Mysterious Youth:
Love started to bloom in this world.

Yuri Nakamura:
Huh? Love?

Mysterious Youth:
Right. Love. That should never be allowed to exist within this world.

Mysterious Youth:
If love should happen to take root, this land would turn into an eternal Eden - but I can not allow that to happen. After all, people are supposed to graduate from this world.

Yuri Nakamura:
Our weakness is that we're morons.

Yuzuru Otonashi:
Leaders shouldn't say that.

Yuzuru Otonashi:
I get the feeling I'm starting to fit in. Well, guess they aren't as bad as I first thought.

Yuzuru Otonashi:
It's not like everyone's afraid of becoming a water flea. The people here - all of them - are trying to defy God. They were given such unfair lives, so they're fighting back.

Noda:
You're so whiny. I'll slit your throat if you don't shut your whiny-ass mouth.

Yuzuru Otonashi:
Jeez! And here I was starting to think you were okay. You're STILL an a**hole!

Irie Iwasawa:
[to herself as she performs solo] This is my life. I wanted to sing like this. This is why I was born. I want to save someone just as I was saved. I finally... finally found it.

Yuzuru Otonashi:
Well, I learned one thing: obeying Angel and enjoying school life wasn't the only way to get obliterated.

Noda:
Yurippe, what exactly is the new operation?

Yuri Nakamura:
It's quite simple, actually: Keep high tension in everything you do all day. That's all.

Noda:
Huh?

Yuri Nakamura:
Be hyped about everything you do all day. When you go somewhere, run fast; when you drink something, guzzle it; if you talk, scream or head off; and remember - show your best smile. Maintain maximum high tension with every single activity and pretend that every single one of you is enjoying the best school life possible.

There’s no God, Buddha, or Angel