As the World Turns

Barbara:
I can't call him because he's in a coma!

Julia Lindsey Snyder:
A coma? Come on, Barbara. Come up with something a little more original. How about - oh, I know. How about a hole opened up, and James fell into the center of the earth?

[Aaron and Alison discuss their marriage]

Aaron:
Alison, we've been through a fire in a barn. We've run from the cops. We've been in jail. Come on, compared to that, what's marriage? Gotta be a piece of cake.

Paul:
That woman is unbelievable. She's awesome. She knows exactly what I want her to do, and she does it before I even ask her to do it.

Henry:
I had a woman like that once. Once was all I could afford.

Aaron:
Talking to Alison is like trying to nail Jello to a tree.

Aaron:
Ali, listen, listen. Before we do anything crazy, just explain to me what this part means, okay? "Where fowl reigns supreme and lambs dare not roam and pigs in a blanket say take me home."

Alison:
Okay, fowl - that's like chickens and roosters and stuff, right? Okay, and "tuck in but don't let sleeping dogs lie".

Aaron:
Ali?

Alison:
Shh, I'm about to be brilliant. I got it. The key. The key's is in the buns.

Aaron:
Excuse me?

Alison:
"Tucked in", get it? The way that you tuck a hotdog inside the bread? I need to buy your buns.

Henry Coleman:
[Looking through the Hughes' refrigerator] Give it a few weeks. I've got to tell you something, I've got some irons in the fire. My ship is coming in. I can see a silver lining in that cloud that's been hanging over me for so long. I'm all out of clich?s, baby. But I think you get my drift, don't you?

Maddie Coleman:
Yes I do. But I don't think you understand the urgency of my plight.

Henry Coleman:
A-ha! [pulls out a bottle and looks at the lable] Creme de menthe? Oh Lord, who are these people, mad?

Maddie Coleman:
Please, please, please. I can not bear it any longer, okay. Okay, all right, I will let you - I give you permission to use a little of that money from B.J. Henry, we can share a place. You can use it and we can share a place.

Henry Coleman:
That money - that money's off limits for now, okay?

Maddie Coleman:
You're right. I shouldn't even mentioned - what was I thinking?

Henry Coleman:
I don't know. Shame on you, shame on you. [takes a drink and spits it out] Oh God! What am I supposed to drink this or gargle with it?

Maddie Coleman:
What am I supposed to do?

Henry Coleman:
Why don't you try making up with Casey? What the hell? [takes another sip]

Maddie Coleman:
I would rather stick my head in a lion's mouth. Are you still gonna drink that?

Henry Coleman:
Yes! It's that bad, huh? Listen, for every problem there is a solution.

Maddie Coleman:
You sound like my calculus teacher.

Gwen Norbeck:
Judge Steve?

Will Munson #4:
Dude, just tell us.

Judge Steve Colby:
You may well hate my guts in ten years.

Gwen Norbeck:
Why?

Judge Steve Colby:
Because you'll be having your 10th wedding anniversary before you're 30.

Will Munson #4:
Yes!

Judge Steve Colby:
Or you'll be bitter and divorced a half-decade ahead of schedule. And don't send me a card if that's the last one.

Detective Margo Montgomery Hughes #3:
Will you keep your pants on when you're alone with Maddie?

Casey Hughes #5:
I can't believe you said that!

Detective Margo Montgomery Hughes #3:
All right, come on, it freaks me out, too.

Casey Hughes #5:
You're my mom! I'm your impressionable teenage son! Geez!

Detective Margo Montgomery Hughes #3:
Well, look, I finally got more than one word out of you.

Barbara:
A shame to waste good vodka, Barbara.

Henry Coleman:
Somehow I think it won't go to waste.

Emily Stewart:
My entire life, honestly - men. My father, Tom, Paul - none of them ever wanted me.

Henry Coleman:
There's still good ol' Hal...

Emily Stewart:
Yeah, Hal - I came in second to a warm doughnut, Henry.

Emily Stewart:
Face it, Emily. Shooting your fiance is a definite turnoff.

Henry Coleman:
Yeah, you know what? One would think, but obviously not.

Carly Snyder:
I'm surprised, I'm surprised after having one your Mom didn't stop right there. What was she thinking?

Henry Coleman:
She wasn't thinking, she was weighing the odds. You know, this horse, that horse. Mater had a bit of a gambling problem.

Carly Snyder:
She hung out at the track?

Henry Coleman:
All day, every day. If you're a thoroughbred you get her attention, but if you're just some mutt on two legs... you know.

Emily Stewart:
Well, she seems like a great kid.

Henry Coleman:
She's a smart kid, Emily, and she sees right through you like cheap cellophane. Now, I do not have a dark side, and I don't want to be any part of yours. If you want to put out a hit out on Meg, you call the mob. And if you ever reveal any of your twisted schemes in front of my little sister again, I will call the mob myself.

Maddie Coleman:
She's gone? Henry, are you having an affair?

Henry Coleman:
With Emily Stewart?

Maddie Coleman:
You know, you can tell me if you two are.

Henry Coleman:
Not.

Maddie Coleman:
Good. I don't really like her.

Henry Coleman:
She has that effect on people.

Maddie Coleman:
But I do think she has the hots for you.

Henry Coleman:
She does not have the hots for me. She has her talons dug into some other poor slob.

Maddie Coleman:
Really?

Henry Coleman:
Yeah. She's crazy about him. Literally. It couldn't happen to a nicer guy.

Kevin Davis:
Now, aren't you supposed to be at home carving up some helpless squash, anyway?

Luke Snyder:
That's Thanksgiving, genius.

Meg Snyder #2:
And while you're at it, you'll get yourself out of jail?

Paul Ryan #6:
I have to. I know that orange is the new black, but those jumpsuits make my butt look enormous.

Meg Snyder #2:
I don't know, your butt looks pretty good to me.

Barbara:
Hello, Gwen.

Gwen Norbeck:
Oh, great. Great. Just what I need first thing in the morning.

Dr. Susan Stewart:
Oh, sorry, sorry. I was out yesterday because of the stupid wedding and I had to stop by the hospital.

Barbara Ryan:
What wedding?

Dr. Susan Stewart:
Oh, that's right, you weren't invited. Your son married my daughter.

Barbara Ryan:
What? That's impossible. Paul's still in jail.

Dr. Susan Stewart:
They got married in the cell. It was everything a mother could hope for, cement floors, iron bars, armed guards, and a son-in-law who's a murderer.

Lisa Miller Hughes Eldridge Shea Colman McColl Mitchell Grimaldi Chedwyn #1:
Well, honey, I must say you were almost civil where Gwen was concerned.

Barbara Ryan:
Oh, I'm trying.

Lisa Miller Hughes Eldridge Shea Colman McColl Mitchell Grimaldi Chedwyn #1:
I know. I think that's wonderful. If I had known that a run-in with a bear would change your attitude, I would have taken you to the zoo a long time ago.

Noah Mayer:
I know this is hard for you to deal with. It's hard for me, too. I spent so many years of my life trying to push these feelings down, deny them, change them. And so have you. So I don't think you should pretend to be so surprised.

Winston Mayer:
Well, I sure as hell was surprised to see what I saw today! You led me to believe that you and Maddie were a couple! When did you turn into such a... good liar?

Noah Mayer:
I've been lying to myself forever. Trying to convince myself- trying to convince you! It took over my life.

Winston Mayer:
So what else in our life was a lie?

Noah Mayer:
The idea that there was something wrong with me. That's why you wanted me to join the army, that's why you were so happy that me and Maddie were moving in together.

Winston Mayer:
That was not my idea, Noah! And how could you do this to her?

Noah Mayer:
That was a mistake. Haven't you ever made a mistake? Dad?

Winston Mayer:
Obviously I made a hell of a lot of them with you.

Noah Mayer:
It's not your fault I'm gay! It's nobody's fault. And guess what? I'm happy with who I am. Finally! For the first time in my life.

Winston Mayer:
Noah, he has you under some kind of spell but it's not too late! You don't have to end up like this! I won't let him destroy you-!

Luke Snyder:
[Getting up from his wheelchair] That is the opposite of what I'm doing! I love your son! And we're together! And we are not afraid to let the world see that! You talk about what's right? This is right! Me and Noah, together, and you locked up in a prison where you belong!

Luke Snyder:
When I first came out, it was fine, but I was lonely. I looked at Will and Gwen, and Casey and Maddie, and I thought, "That is something that I'm never gonna have." And not just the attraction, but... I don't know, just... just the feeling of... of walking into a room, and having someone there who's happy to see you. You know? Not having to say everything, spell everything out. But still having someone who knows what you mean. And I think... I think these feelings have a word. And you don't have to say this back, you-you don't have to say this back... but... I love you, Noah. I'm so... in love with you.

Luke Snyder:
[Sitting after walking in on an awkward moment between Zack and Noah]... Okay. What was that about?

Noah Mayer:
Zac kissed me.

Luke Snyder:
...What?

Noah Mayer:
Zac kissed me, don't worry, it was harmless.

Luke Snyder:
[Exasperated] Are you serious?

Noah Mayer:
It came out of the blue. It's not going to happen again, he got no encouragement. None!

Luke Snyder:
[sighing] Oh, man, I knew he had a thing for you.

Noah Mayer:
It was no big deal!

Luke Snyder:
No big deal? The last time you saw someone kiss me you punched him in the face!

Holden Snyder:
[after meeting Noah for the first time and noticing Luke's behavior around him]... Everything alright at work?

Luke Snyder:
Yeah!

Holden Snyder:
Something just seemed a little off. He didn't want any help with that edit.

Luke Snyder:
Ah, Noah knows what he's doing. He doesn't need me looking over his shoulder.

Holden Snyder:
Hm. Seems like a good kid. Don't you like him?

Luke Snyder:
What? Oh! Yeah, yeah! Yeah.

Holden Snyder:
What's going on?

Luke Snyder:
...Dad. I really, *really* don't wanna talk about this with you.

Holden Snyder:
I just don't wanna see you unhappy, especially after everything that... happened with Kevin.

Luke Snyder:
Okay. Kevin, that was completely different. You know. Kevin wasn't g- [pauses] It was just different.

Holden Snyder:
[Eager] Yes, this is different. You work with this guy. He's dating Maddie. She's your friend.

Luke Snyder:
Dad, I know. I get it. And I have it under control, so don't worry, okay?

Holden Snyder:
You're my son. One day you'll be 52, and you know who I'm gonna be worried about? You.

[Luke is wheelchair bound]

Noah Mayer:
Let's just... let's do something physical.

Luke Snyder:
[Playfully] Like what?

Noah Mayer:
Like your physical therapy.

[Luke looks defeated]

Noah Mayer:
I didn't do that for you, I just couldn't stand to see that psycho slut with her hands all over my boyfriend.

Luke Snyder:
I love you.

[Dusty is sitting on a bench. Lucinda approaches him eating ice cream]

Lucinda Walsh:
Hey. Hey, buddy! That's my bench.

Dusty Donovan:
Hey, I pay my taxes, and I was here first.

Lucinda Walsh:
Now wait a minute! I had it first, I just got up for a seventh inning stretch. Okay?

Dusty Donovan:
Well you didn't leave a sign so you're outta luck! [Short pause] Okay, I'll share. C'mere.

Lucinda Walsh:
[Reluctant] Okay. I'll share. [Sits down]

Dusty Donovan:
What have you got there?

Lucinda Walsh:
[Holds cone away from Dusty] Yeah, but you can't have a lick of my cone. I need this.

Dusty Donovan:
It's dripping.

Lucinda Walsh:
I need it, you know? I need... the icy perfection!

Noah Mayer:
...That's weird. I could have sworn I left this closed. You didn't go into it for anything, did you?

Luke Snyder:
Uh, I was the guy mucking out the stall next to you? When would I have done that?

Luke Snyder:
[Sits across from Noah] Hey!

[Notices his large sandwich]

Luke Snyder:
Well, I guess your film editing class gives you a pretty big appetite, huh? What, the banana split I made for you wasn't big enough?

Noah Mayer:
No, it was great, I just had to miss lunch because I was studying. And that sugar fix was good but no substitute for four different kinds of meat.

Luke Snyder:
Well, if I didn't know better I'd say you were sublimating something.

Noah Mayer:
Oh, get out, that psych class is going to your head.

Luke Snyder:
My professor, Dr. Freudenheim, would say that your increased appetite was due to an acute oral fixation.

Noah Mayer:
So, what, are you saying this is... all about sex?

Luke Snyder:
[laughs] Oh, no, I didn't say that. *You* said that. Must be on your mind.

Noah Mayer:
It is... all the time, actually. How about you?

Luke Snyder:
[Later] Okay, well then, what's your fantasy first time? You know, would it be, lit by candlelight with rose petals strewn about the duvet?

Noah Mayer:
I don't even know how to *spell* duvet. And as far as rose petals go, you can cut that out of my movie.

Luke Snyder:
Okay, okay, so I guess the bearskin rug B&B is out of the picture. Well, what about, um... oh! What about, like, all sweaty and hot in the locker room after like a really rough game of handball?

Noah Mayer:
...Have you been watching porn?

Luke Snyder:
At my grandma's house? No!

Noah Mayer:
Well, you certainly have an active imagination!

Luke Snyder:
That's because I'm a writer! I have to, it's my job!

[Luke is attempting to keep an injured Noah conscious]

Luke Snyder:
Noah. Noah, y-you have to wake up, I have a question for you. Do you remember that film we watched a couple nights ago, you know, the one from your-from your film class? The uh, the four hours of Light on the Seer's Tower. You told me that it was a masterpiece, but I didn't get it so, so you have to explain to me what-what I missed.

Noah Mayer:
[Slurring] Uh... the film is light, it's uh... it's the emotional palette of the artist and it's used to, um... [coughs]

Luke Snyder:
To what? To what? It's the emotional palette of the artist, it's used to what?

Noah Mayer:
Uh... to express... his vision. And the broader the spectrum, the broader... [Begins to lose consciousness]

Luke Snyder:
[Tittering] Come on! Hey, hey! Hey, I'm about to fall asleep, too! Come on! I just insulted existential film making! You gonna let me get away with it? Noah? Noah, come on!

Luke Snyder:
You may not know who you are, but he doesn't know one thing about you. And what he thinks about you, that doesn't matter. So, you wanna know what you can do for me? You can prove to me that the man who put me in this chair didn't win. That you, and me, are stronger than he ever was. That's what you can do for me.

Girl:
Do you wanna dance?

Noah Mayer:
Uh, I'm gay.

Girl:
I'm Stacy, and you didn't really answer my question.

Luke Snyder:
[Damian and Lily have run downstairs half dressed] I really don't know what to say right now.

Damian Grimaldi:
Luke, I f-... I found your mother outside, and I brought her home. She was so upset, I couldn't leave her on her own.

Luke Snyder:
So you decided to take her clothes off? Mom?

Damian Grimaldi:
Go easy on your mother, Luciano.

Luke Snyder:
Faith walked in on the two of you in bed, didn't she? That's why she ran out of here! UGH! What is *wrong* with you? With both of you?

Lily Snyder:
I should have locked the door...

Luke Snyder:
You should have locked the door? Is that what you have to say for yourself?

Lily Snyder:
I need to find Faith before something happens.

Luke Snyder:
It's too late.

Lily Snyder:
No, I can explain! I-I need to make her understand...

Luke Snyder:
No, mom, you need to make *me* understand, because right now I don't, and I don't think I ever will! [Lily tries to go past him] Mom! Are you crazy? Faith doesn't want to talk to you right now!

Lily Snyder:
No, Luke! I need to make her understand-!

Luke Snyder:
No, you need to go and get some clothes on! *I* will handle Faith.

Damian Grimaldi:
Luke, I'll go with you.

Luke Snyder:
No, Damian, you've done enough.

Damian Grimaldi:
Luciano...

Luke Snyder:
Damian, get away from me. I need to find my little sister.

[Bickering at the food table at Kim and Bob's anniversary party]

Dr. Reid Oliver:
Katie said you were going to order some food from Al's. When do we eat that?

Chris Hughes:
You don't.

Dr. Reid Oliver:
Doogie Hughes, how do you stop this whole Holden family sermon?

Chris Hughes:
You don't.

[Reid is having a panic attack]

Luke Snyder:
Alright, um, Dr. Oliver, you-you need to focus. Um... think about some place that you like, some place that makes you feel safe.

Dr. Reid Oliver:
Where'd you pick up this load of crap, magazines at your dentist's office?

Luke Snyder:
Well, does it matter if it works?

Dr. Reid Oliver:
Yeah, it's just a bogus pop psychology.

Luke Snyder:
Well, do you have anything better to do, like put your fist through the wall and ruin your career forever?

Dr. Reid Oliver:
Yeah, not to mention ruin your mom's elevator.

Luke Snyder:
Oh, don't worry. You'd get the bill. You know how stingy rich people are.

Dr. Reid Oliver:
Okay. Okay, I-I-I have a place.

Luke Snyder:
Okay, well, what is it? [Silence from Reid] Doctor. What is the place you're thinking of?

Dr. Reid Oliver:
It's the brain.

Luke Snyder:
[chuckles] Figures.

Dr. Reid Oliver:
Well, i-if I'd told you it was this... green meadow with tadpoles and dancing cows you'd know I was lying, so...

Luke Snyder:
Well, is it any brain in particular?

Dr. Reid Oliver:
I-I don't... each one's different. [sighs] They're all amazing, though. It has this tangled... mass of... grey spaghetti, it's totally alien. But... it's not much to look at to the naked eye, but... yet it makes us... walk and talk, think... remember, smell... love. It produced the Sistine Chapel. Chocolate. Theory of relativity. Godfather, parts one and two. Not so sure about three, but...

Luke Snyder:
You said that Noah's surgery and his recovery would be very time consuming.

Dr. Reid Oliver:
You think you're gonna win points by repeating my words back to me?

Dr. Reid Oliver:
Wait. Hey. You can't just... leave him here, what-what if he trips over a nurse?

Dr. Reid Oliver:
Hey, listen, I... look, I know the guy did a lot of bad things and probably hurt a lot of people, but Damien... he's still your father.

Luke Snyder:
That's nice of you to say.

Dr. Reid Oliver:
Yeah. It happens sometimes, as much as I try to prevent it.

Luke Snyder:
Well... the truth is I gave him so many chances. When he first found out I was gay he tried to fix me. I forgave him for that!

Dr. Reid Oliver:
It must have been tough having your father wanna change you.

Luke Snyder:
Well, he finally accepted me, so... I gave him another chance.

Dr. Reid Oliver:
Makes you wonder if the first change was real.

Luke Snyder:
Yeah... it does. I don't know why I'm talking to you about this.

Dr. Reid Oliver:
Well, like I said. Sometimes I'm a good guy in spite of myself.

Luke Snyder:
And of course, it's so like you to go about this without even acknowledging what happened the other day.

Dr. Reid Oliver:
...Nothing happened between us the other day.

Luke Snyder:
No, I know, I know, I know... I was talking about the guy at the Lakeview who said you murdered his daughter.

Dr. Reid Oliver:
...Oh. That.

Dr. Reid Oliver:
Chronic fatigue.

[pause]

Dr. Reid Oliver:
I wanna ship him COD to a leper colony. See how tired he is then.

Henry Coleman:
Okay, uh, I will spell it out for you: I am not going to interfere in your life any more. If you want to make Dr. Nightmare over there your next big mistake, that is your business, not mine.

Katie Peretti:
Henry. He is my room mate, that's all!

Henry Coleman:
Bubbles, I know you better than you know your own self. You are lonely, you're vulnerable, you're sad right now, it's only a matter of time before you fall for him.

Katie Peretti:
Um, nope. You're wrong.

Henry Coleman:
No, you love being in love, usually with the wrong guy!

Chris Hughes:
[Coming up behind them, laughing] Sorry. He does have a point, though.

Katie Peretti:
Chris, not helping.

Henry Coleman:
I didn't know you were back, it's good to see you. [Shakes Chris' hand]

Chris Hughes:
Yeah, you too, you too. So, um, who is this wrong guy that Katie is... madly in love with?

Katie Peretti:
He thinks it's Reid.

[Chris laughs incredulously]

Henry Coleman:
No, no, no, no! No, Chris, don't laugh, it's not funny! You have not been here to see what's gone on!

Chris Hughes:
No, no, no. But you are definitely right about one thing: he is the wrong guy for Katie.

Henry Coleman:
See?

Katie Peretti:
Chris doesn't like him, either.

Henry Coleman:
No one likes him! You're the only one that likes him!

Chris Hughes:
Yeah, but it has nothing to do with that. [Turns to Reid] Um... do you wanna tell him?

Dr. Reid Oliver:
I'm the wrong guy for Katie.

Henry Coleman:
[Sarcastically] Really? Now, how could that be? I thought you were perfect!

Dr. Reid Oliver:
I am. I also happen to be gay.

Luke Snyder:
Do you have any idea how childish that sounds?

Dr. Reid Oliver:
Yep. But it's not as ridiculous as you chasing me all over town whining that I'm not gonna play with your toy.

Luke Snyder:
You're messing with me, you're not gay!

Dr. Reid Oliver:
You're requiring proof? How would that work exactly?

Luke Snyder:
Well, you never mentioned anything. Are you really that deep in the closet?

Dr. Reid Oliver:
Mr. Snyder, I've known that I was gay since I was nine years old. I can assure you that in all that time I've never once hidden, apologized for, or been ashamed of who I am.

Luke Snyder:
Well that I can believe, but... you never said anything to Noah or me.

Dr. Reid Oliver:
Why would I?

Luke Snyder:
Because it could have helped!

Dr. Reid Oliver:
What, so we could share the secret handshake?

Luke Snyder:
It's called relating, Dr. Oliver. You meet someone, you learn things about them. You find what you have in common, and then you get along better.

Dr. Reid Oliver:
So you're telling me that if I had told you that I'm a Pisces, yet, ironically, allergic to fish, you and I would have bonded?

Luke Snyder:
Maybe.

Luke Snyder:
You forgot, didn't you? We have a meeting with the architect of the new wing today. We have to sign off on the preliminary plans?

Dr. Reid Oliver:
Yeah, well, let the architect wear the tie. He's the one who has to impress me.

Luke Snyder:
You can't go to a meeting in scrubs.

Dr. Reid Oliver:
Okay, fine! I'll change my clothes, I'll head over to the Lakeview and I'll meet the guy.

Luke Snyder:
I'm going with you.

Dr. Reid Oliver:
[Sarcastic] Oh, of course. I know how concerned you are about the placement of the stereotaxis system. Tell me, do you prefer the gamma knife or the cyber knife?

Luke Snyder:
Mmm... I'll let you know?

Dr. Reid Oliver:
I can't wait.

Luke Snyder:
Dr. Oliver, this is Dusty's fianc?e, Janet Snyder.

Dr. Reid Oliver:
Who?

Luke Snyder:
The shooting victim.

Dr. Reid Oliver:
Oh, hello.

Janet Ciccone:
Please, Dr. Oliver, you have to save Dusty! He's a great man, and he has a lot to live for.

Dr. Reid Oliver:
Yeah, okay. I don't care who he is. He could be a concert pianist or a serial killer, I'd still do my job. Excuse me. [Rushes off]

[Janet and Carly are in shock]

Carly Snyder:
Uh, some bedside manner!

Luke Snyder:
He's like that with everyone. But Dusty is in good hands, I promise. If anyone can save Dusty, it's Dr. Oliver.

Dr. Reid Oliver:
[approaching Luke at Java] Glad I found you.

Luke Snyder:
Why?

Dr. Reid Oliver:
No reason. [pauses, then sits down at Luke's table] So, how's it going?

Luke Snyder:
[Taken aback] How's... what going?

Dr. Reid Oliver:
You know, life?

Luke Snyder:
...Seriously?

Dr. Reid Oliver:
Yeah, how's the boyfriend?

Luke Snyder:
Well, he's an ex-boyfriend, and I think you'd know better than I would, you see him every day.

Dr. Reid Oliver:
Oh. Yeah, right. Um, he's good, in case you were wondering.

Luke Snyder:
What is wrong with you?

Dr. Reid Oliver:
Nothing, I'm just being friendly.

Luke Snyder:
Why? You don't do friendly.

Dr. Reid Oliver:
There's no reason why we can't get along.

Luke Snyder:
Seriously? The world's greatest doctor and "Richie-Rich"?

Dr. Reid Oliver:
Yeah. Sorry about that, don't lis-I was just being...

Luke Snyder:
What, friendly?

Dr. Reid Oliver:
Yeah, right.

Luke Snyder:
Well, you can stop, because it really doesn't suit you. You obviously want something, so why don't you just ask me, I'll say no, and then you can go back to being yourself.

Dr. Reid Oliver:
[the elevator is stuck] God, I can't believe this is happening to me... [bangs on the door] Hey! Hey, can anybody hear us? There are two people stuck in this elevator! Is anybody out there? I knew this town was cursed. Hey, security!

Luke Snyder:
You're really freaking out.

Dr. Reid Oliver:
Leave me alone! A little help would be nice, you know?

Luke Snyder:
[Amused] Do you have a phobia of elevators?

Dr. Reid Oliver:
Oh, don't be ridiculous. I-I just don't want us to be late for that appointment.

Luke Snyder:
Well, like you said. The architect works for us, he'll wait.

Dr. Reid Oliver:
[Loosening his tie and dabbing at his face] We'd be there by now if you hadn't been going into all your Kumbaya suggestions.

Luke Snyder:
Dr. Oliver...?

Dr. Reid Oliver:
Just leave me alone.

Luke Snyder:
Wow... you are seriously claustrophobic!

Dr. Reid Oliver:
No, I-I-I don't, uh, like tight spaces...

Dr. Reid Oliver:
And here I thought you were invincible! Are you scared of spiders, too? [laughs] Okay, wow, wow. Don't worry. I wouldn't dare bug you out I mean... imagine if this entire elevator started shaking... and then, we crashed to the bottom...

Dr. Reid Oliver:
Okay, don't. Don't. Don't-!

Luke Snyder:
[Talking over Reid] And then, we were crushed by these four walls closing in on us!

Dr. Reid Oliver:
Stop! It's not funny!

Luke Snyder:
Oh, I think it's hilarious! [Jumps up and down] Boom, ba-da boom, ba-da boom!

Dr. Reid Oliver:
[Shoves Luke up against the wall] Do you want us to be smashed to pieces! Stop it!

Luke Snyder:
...Wow. For someone with nerves of steel... that was pretty extreme. [Looks at Reid's lips]

Dr. Reid Oliver:
You want me to admit that I'm human? Would that make your day, Mr. Snyder?

Luke Snyder:
Be a start.

Henry Coleman:
Well, how would you feel if the man you loved was shot and killed before he had a chance to see his kid?

Dr. Reid Oliver:
I'm not quite sure how to answer that.

Henry Coleman:
Well, you'd be a mess. And if you were Katie, that would mean long crying, hysterical jags till like three A.M., inappropriate laughter and sudden mood swings and rage and then smashing the dishes which scares the bejeezus out of the baby, but you being a world famous brain surgeon I'm sure you could handle all of that, cutting into noggins all day, so you must have nerves of steel, which you are going to need.

Dr. Reid Oliver:
I sleep with ear plugs.

[Awkward silence]

Luke Snyder:
Finally! I'm sorry, I didn't mean for it to come out that way, it's just that, we didn't know where you were, and...

Dr. Reid Oliver:
Even hostages have to eat, Mr. Snyder. I was down in the cafeteria consuming something that called itself 'lunch', but there's nothing like those orange plastic trays to remind you of botulism. [Short, awkward pause. Noah clears his throat]

Luke Snyder:
...Have you gotten a chance to look over Noah's file?

Jack Snyder:
That ought to make the bank pretty happy.

Officer Daniel Devito:
Yeah, but just don't expect a free toaster with your new account.

Dr. Reid Oliver:
[walking out of the bathroom] Oi, Goldilocks. Did you use my toothbrush?

Katie Peretti:
No.

Dr. Reid Oliver:
Somebody used it, I don't think it was Jacob.

Katie Peretti:
What makes you think someone used it?

Dr. Reid Oliver:
Because it was in the right slot facing to the right. I always keep it in the left slot facing to the left.

Katie Peretti:
...Why would you do that?

Dr. Reid Oliver:
Because I'm a rigid, methodical person and it comforts me?

[first lines]

Nancy Hughes:
Good morning.

Chris Hughes:
Good morning, dear.

Maddie Coleman:
Don't I look great?

Luke Snyder:
Yes, Maddie. We're like the perfect prom couple. Except I'm gay, and your boyfriend's in jail.

Maddie Coleman:
Were your parents total movie buffs?

Noah Mayer:
Not so much. I'm an army brat, and we moved around a lot. So, for me, movies were always kind of like -

Maddie Coleman:
Friends who you could take with you.

Noah Mayer:
My internship at WOAK is serious.

Winston Mayer:
It's a waste of time. They get free labor, you get a form letter and a pat on the back.

Luke Snyder:
Oakdale isn't exactly a gay Mecca.

Noah Mayer:
So, you've been avoiding me because you're attracted to me?

Luke Snyder:
Yeah, aren't you glad you asked? Look, I should've just kept my mouth shut. You're probably totally freaked out right now.

Noah Mayer:
No -

Luke Snyder:
It's just I am so tired of hiding and lying, I'm just through with it.

Noah Mayer:
I'm glad you said something. I just hope I didn't do anything to make you think - because, man, I'm not gay.

Noah Mayer:
Hmm.

Luke Snyder:
Hmm what?

Noah Mayer:
I was just thinking, this would be a really nice time to dance.

Luke Snyder:
Yeah?

Noah Mayer:
Just one question, who leads?

Rick Decker:
Susan, what do I have to do to convince you that I mean you absolutely no harm?

Susan:
Drop dead.

[first lines]

Aaron:
Look, you have to let me in.

Cop #1:
I can't. The hospital's on lockdown.

[last lines]

Rick Decker:
Let the negotiations begin.

[first lines]

Margo Hughes:
Tom? Don't!

Rick Decker:
It doesn't look like you've left yourself much room to negotiate, lieutenant. Your husband's heart seems to be falling down on the job.

[last lines]

Aaron Snyder:
Am I dreaming?

Alison Stewart:
Nope. I'm real. Do you feel that?

Aaron Snyder:
I do.

Alison Stewart:
Good. You're gonna be okay. Okay? We both are.

[first lines]

Chris Hughes:
You clean up real good.

Alison Stewart:
I hope those are my release papers.

Casey Hughes:
Emily wants an annulment. She says that she only married me because she was poisoned.

[last lines]

Mike Kasnoff:
Are you sure?

Lily Snyder:
Yeah. I'm sure.

[first lines]

Jack Snyder:
I need you to pull the files on the Carter case.

Officer:
No problem.

[last lines]

Mike Kasnoff:
Lily, we were friends before anything. So, whatever happens between the two of us, I hope that doesn't change.

Lily Snyder:
So do I.

Mike Kasnoff:
Okay, then, your shoulder-crying privileges aren't revoked then. You can use them any time you want.

[first lines]

Tom:
Come on. They replaced the stint, not my heart. I'm in better shape than I was before the surgery.

Margo:
Take the chair out of the way.

[last lines]

Holden:
If you need anything--

Carly:
I can't. I can't need anything from you. I can't call you or see you. For the sake of my children, I need to let you go.

Alison Stewart:
Hungry, thirsty?

Aaron Snyder:
Guilty.

Aaron Snyder:
[about Chris] Did you see the smile on his face when he jabbed me with that needle?

Henry Coleman:
These are dangerous people, with a capital D, which means death, which could happen to you.

Lily Snyder:
I want that friendship to last, even if the sex doesn't.

Michael Park:
Well, I want the sex to last as long as humanly possible.

[first lines]

Paul:
I made you a sandwich.

Meg:
Okay, well, I really hate to do this to you after all the trouble you've gone through, but I'm not really hungry.

[last lines]

Paul:
No, no problems. Everything's under control. The cash you gave me was a loan, not an investment. I've got 30 days to pay you back. Those were the terms. Until then, you stay out of my business.

Derek:
Yeah, well, until you get back every cent of my money, your business will be my business. And if you want to keep yourself and your loved ones healthy, I suggest you not forget that. Ever. Now, you have a nice day.

[first lines]

Lily:
Faith, don't worry. I'm gonna be fine by myself. Yes. Just listen to what your dad says, okay? Oh, and make sure Ethan doesn't get into the jam again. I love you too, sweetie.

[last lines]

Jack:
Must be a full moon.

[first lines]

Meg:
Paul?

Paul:
Hey. I was just -- I was going to come up and check on you.

[last lines]

Meg:
What did you want to talk to me about?

Paul:
I love you.

[first lines]

Katie Peretti Snyder:
Today, we're going to be taking a look at what kids will be wearing this fall so all you moms and dads out there don't have to be totally lame when you hit the stores. I remember back when I was in school, the best part about going back was the clothes - the only good part. What about you, Brad? Did you have a favorite special outfit for the first day?

[last lines]

Derek Coburn:
She told me. You know, she's very open, trusting. You know, Paul, you really need to take care of her, make sure that nothing upsets her. That wouldn't be good for her or - or your baby.

[first lines]

Dusty Donovan:
You always know exactly what to say to me. It's not just what I want, Jenny. You and me. All the time. From now until always.

[last lines]

Dusty Donovan:
I don't know you, either. But you were in a vision. I know it sounds crazy...

Josie Anderson:
Please, I want to go back inside.

[first lines]

Carly Tenney:
Hi.

Jack Snyder:
Hey, is Sage ready?

Carly Tenney:
[to Craig] I said I'd marry you. I never said I'd sleep with you.

Craig Montgomery:
How to manipulate a child 101. Sit quietly. Stare into space. Wait for loving child to ask you what's wrong. Tell the loving child. And loving child offers to help. It's that simple, Carly. And that's exactly what Jack did.

[last lines]

Dusty Donovan:
Are you okay? Meg?

Meg Snyder:
If you still want to do this, I'll marry you.

[first lines]

Margo Hughes:
Are you bribing a police officer?

Craig Montgomery:
No, it's what I want my sister to wear at my wedding today.

Brad Snyder:
I would like to be a dad from scratch. And I think the scratch part is the fun part.

Craig Montgomery:
Margo, you look beautiful. I'm so glad you didn't wear your uniform.

Margo Hughes:
Oh, I got my cuffs in my purse just in case.

[last lines]

Judge Berlin:
[echoing] We are gathered today to join Craig and Carly in matrimony. Marriage is a partnership, not to be entered into lightly.

[first lines]

Judge:
Do you take this man to be your husband?

Craig Montgomery:
Um, that's your cue, Sweetheart. Two little words from you and we're as legit as the rest of them.

Carly Tenney:
I - I'm sorry. I don't.

[last lines]

Carly Tenney:
Oh, Craig, it'll be all right. It's going to be all right.

Craig Montgomery:
No. No, just get away. Just get away from me! Don't ever come near me again. Just leave me alone.

[first lines]

Meg Snyder:
Hey.

Dusty Donovan:
Hey. Anyone here?

Meg Snyder:
The coast is clear.

[last lines]

Paul Ryan:
When I'm through with Dusty, he won't know what hit him.

[first lines]

Brad Snyder:
How are you enjoying making a baby with me, Mrs. Snyder?

Craig Montgomery:
This whole honesty angle! I didn't think that would work, but it did.

[last lines]

Paul Ryan:
I didn't mean to do that.

Meg Snyder:
But you did. Enjoy telling Barbara that Craig is now raising her grandson.

Meg Snyder:
[to Dusty] Let's go home.

[first lines]

Meg Snyder:
Dusty, are you coming?

[last lines]

Meg Snyder:
Pick her up, go ahead.

Dusty Donovan:
[to Eliza] It's okay. I got you.

[first lines]

Emily Stewart:
Ali, Ali. Come on, what are you doing? Ignoring me? Is this because I asked you to stay away from Casey?

[last lines]

Paul Ryan:
It's okay. Its okay, it's all right. Everything's okay, Daddy's here.

[first lines]

Meg Snyder Ryan:
Where is she? Where's Eliza? She was right here!

[last lines]

Paul Ryan:
Yeah, you can lie down and get some rest. When you wake up, we'll figure out what to do. Okay?

Josie Anderson:
Okay.

[first lines]

Katie Peretti Snyder:
You up?

Brad Snyder:
I am now.

Brad Snyder:
Make way for the baby-making machine!

[last lines]

Josie Anderson:
I swear. You've got your week, Paul. I held up my end of the deal. Now you better hold up yours.

[first lines]

Janet Ciccone Snyder:
Hello? Smell the coffee?

Craig Montgomery:
Oh, I don't want any.

Henry Coleman:
You and Katie - you go forth and bear fruit and multiply, all right. The only multiple fruit I want to see are three in a row on a slot machine.

[last lines]

Craig Montgomery:
Come on, admit it. You like me. I know you do.

Carly Tenney:
Dream on.

[first lines]

Casey Hughes:
Hey, let me help you...

Alison Stewart:
Damn it! Don't - I mean, I got it.

[last lines]

Paul Ryan:
No, no, no! Come back! Eliza! Eliza!

[first lines]

Jack Snyder:
Hit me again.

Janet Snyder:
Honey, maybe you should go back to the farm and take a nap instead?

Janet Snyder:
When I was a little bit older than you, I actually was in a couple of plays myself. Yes, I was. At the community theater, I did "Sweet Charity." I played this...

Jack Snyder:
Hey.

Janet Snyder:
Girl. Who works hard for her money.

[last lines]

Meg Snyder:
Josie, thank you. Will you be okay?

Josie Anderson:
Don't - don't worry about me. Take your baby home.

[first lines]

Matt O'Connor:
Boo!

[last lines]

Matt O'Connor:
Does this means Casey and you are...

Alison Stewart:
Over. Casey and I are officially over.

[first lines]

Tom Hughes:
You know, I could've dropped your bags off at the house. You do remember home, don't you?

Margo Hughes:
Yeah, that place where we never see each other?

[last lines]

Craig Montgomery:
Okay, well, I won't do that again.

Carly Tenney:
Good, good.

Craig Montgomery:
I'm just going to make that hot chocolate, and we'll, uh, we'll celebrate with that.

[first lines]

Carly Tenney:
Oh! Oh! Vibrate! Vibrate! Yes, what, hello?

Craig Montgomery:
You know what you are? A perfidious, Machiavellian termagant!

Carly Tenney:
I know that I'd be insulted by that if I knew what it meant.

[last lines]

Craig Montgomery:
You know, you had your chance and you blew it. So I'm just going to have to review my options.

Carly Tenney:
What - what options?

Craig Montgomery:
I'll be in touch.

[first lines]

Meg Snyder:
[to Eliza] I don't think you could get any prettier. No!

[last lines]

Meg Snyder:
[to Eliza] I love you.

[first lines]

Luke Snyder:
Hey.

Noah Mayer:
Hey.

Luke Snyder:
What's that?

Noah Mayer:
Uh, it's a letter from the head of the film department.

[last lines]

Rosanna Cabot:
Paul, you don't have time anymore, okay? If you don't want to bring Eliza back home and you don't want to get arrested, then you have got to get out of here now.

Jack Snyder:
[as Irv returns the stolen money] That ought to make the bank pretty happy.

Officer Daniel Devito:
[to Irv] Yeah, but just don't expect a free toaster with your new account.

[first lines]

Paul Ryan:
Well, check you out. Look at Emily Stewart clucking around like a mom in a '60s sitcom.

Emily Stewart:
Yeah, I wish. At least the mom part.

Paul Ryan:
Yeah, how about the pearls part? Little heels. Ooh, little white gloves. You call me "The Beave".

Emily Stewart:
Do you have any idea how many charities would kill for that kind of donation?

[last lines]

Sgt. McGill:
You have the right to an attorney during questioning. If you cannot afford an attorney, one will be appointed for you. Do you understand these rights?

Rosanna Cabot:
Yeah, yeah, clearly. I understand.

Sgt. McGill:
Okay.

[first lines]

Holden Snyder:
Lily, you don't even know for sure that anything happened to Damian.

[last lines]

Lily Snyder:
Let me help you with this tree.

[first lines]

Betty Stewart:
Oh, David, how could this happen? How?

David Stewart:
Honey, the point is it did happen and we're - we're faced with something and we - we've got to handle it the best way we can.

[last lines]

Betty Stewart:
[calling to Danny] Mother's coming. Your mother's coming.

[first lines]

Lisa Hughes:
What about, uh, Patricia?

Bob Hughes:
That's a nice name.

[last lines]

Chris Hughes:
But try to understand, dear.

Lisa Hughes:
All right. I'll be more careful in the future.

[first lines]

Penny Baker:
[calling from off-screen] Ellen! Ellen!

Ellen Lowell:
Come on up, Pen. I didn't expect you over this evening.

[last lines]

Ellen Lowell:
Then you will?

Don Hughes:
Yes, I'll handle your case.

[first lines]

Nancy Hughes:
You know, Lisa, you didn't have to help me with the dishes this morning.

Lisa Hughes:
Well, Penny usually helps you and - and as much as she's taking Tommy to the park, I thought the least I could do was to take her place out here in the kitchen.

[first lines]

Nancy Hughes:
Oh, well, you're back already.

Bob Hughes:
I wouldn't say "already", mom. It's almost nine o' clock.

Nancy Hughes:
I gave it a great deal of thought, Grandpa. [This line spoken just before CBS interrupted the program with the first bulletin reporting that President Kennedy had been shot]

[first lines]

Nancy Hughes:
It's just that, Bob - I don't - I'm only trying to say that I don't think you should be out for dinner as often as you are. After all, dear, you do have a son.

Bob Hughes:
Mom, you know you have been making this same point for the past five minutes, and you haven't given me an opportunity to say a word.

[last lines]

Lucinda Walsh:
[to the mystery woman at the roadhouse] You?

[last lines]

Ambrose Bingham:
Well, it seems to me you've got to do as she says. It's your only choice.

Lucinda Walsh:
No! No, I've got choices! I have a choice! I just don't know what it is, Ambrose, that's all. She thinks that she can destroy everything that I want and love in my life? Then I'll destroy her. I've got to. And I will. I feel better. Come on, I'll think of something.

[first lines]

Andy Dixon:
Bob, uh, can you pass me the salt please?

[last lines]

Lucinda Walsh:
Shh! Ambrose, I've had a thought. What if I were to remove the distraction entirely? Take away the farm from the girl? First thing tomorrow morning I want you to look into the financial situation out at the Snyder homestead.

[first lines]

Lisa McColl:
Wasn't this a glorious evening! Oh, and full of so many wonderful surprises.

Kim Hughes:
It was perfect from beginning to end.

[last lines]

Marsha Talbot:
[to Avril Hobson] Please go ahead. I'll gladly tell you anything you want to know.

[last lines]

Avril Hobson:
What we have here is an exact replica of the master bedroom at Dream's End, the room in which Douglas Cummings was killed.

[first lines]

Barbara Ryan:
Good night, Tonio, and give my best to Lucinda... Anthea!

[last lines]

Marsha Talbot:
I've already told you, Mr. Hobson, I'll do anything to help you put Kim and Frannie Hughes behind bars where they belong.

Kim Hughes:
Well, it's been a week of firsts. Our first wedding anniversary. First time I've ever been accused of murder.

[first lines]

Nancy McCloskey:
Who sent these beauties? "Happy Valentine's Day, Mom. Love, Bob and Kim." "To my wife on Valentine's Day." "How do I love thee? Let me count the ways."

[last lines]

Chris Hughes:
There's only one Nancy in the whole wide world for me.

[first lines]

Adam Munson:
Hey, did you get the money?

Abigail Williams:
Yeah.

[last lines]

Craig Montgomery:
Julia, you were saying?

[first lines]

Lucy Montgomery:
Aunt Katie, you didn't.

Katie Frasier:
I know it looks bad, but truthfully? It could have been a lot worse.

[last lines]

Margo Hughes:
Well, where is he? Is he all right? Is he alive?

Craig Montgomery:
It doesn't look good. I tried to save him, but it may be too late.

[first lines]

Paul Ryan:
Relax. Come on, take it easy. I'm not gonna betray you.

Molly McKinnon:
It's just that I promised Craig that I wouldn't say a word to anybody about Annabelle Fettle or Cabot's adoption.

[last lines]

Annabelle Fettle:
Gave him all the details, Montgomery. You coming up to Canada. Me finding your little six-pound snowball. But it's over now. You and your wife had better kiss that little baby goodbye.

Rosanna Cabot:
What have you done?

[first lines]

Margo Hughes:
You're wasting your time and mine. There's no way Jessica's going to show up.

[last lines]

Lily Snyder:
You know what, Chick? I found everything I've been looking for. Everything I need. So goodbye. Come on, let's go.

Luke Snyder:
Oh, Holy Night -

Kevin Davis:
Will you shut up? The last thing I need is for my parents to think I've been drinking. Now, aren't you supposed to be at home carving up some helpless squash, anyway?

Luke Snyder:
That's Thanksgiving, genius.

Kevin Davis:
So, I've got a great idea. Can you go out?

Luke Snyder:
Why?

Kevin Davis:
So we can conjugate verbs. Come on, what do you think? So we can party, man. Just you and me. What do you say?