Austin Powers in Goldmember

Austin Powers:
Oops. I did it again, baby.

Goldmember:
I'm from Holland. Isn't that vierd?

Dr. Evil:
I'm Dougie, I'm Dougie.

Goldmember:
I love gooooooold.

Dr. Evil:
Are those fricken' sharks with fricken' laser beams attached to their fricken' heads?

Fat Bastard:
Unfortunately, my neck does look like a vagina.

Britney Spears:
Is it true what they say about you?

Britney Spears:
Kickstand? Can I give you my cell phone number? Please?

Dr. Evil:
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to my submarine lair. It's long, hard and full of seaman!

Dr. Evil:
No? Nothing? Not even a titter? Tough sub...

Goldmember:
Can I paint his yoo-hoo gold now? It's kind of my thing, you know...

Dr. Evil:
How 'bout no, you crazy Dutch bastard!

Foxxy Cleopatra:
Well, the future better get ready for me. 'Cause I'm Foxxy Cleopatra, and I'm a WHOLE LOTTA WOMAN.

Foxxy Cleopatra:
Sha-zam.

Dr. Evil:
All right, let me find my balls for God's sakes. 1, 2... and 3, okay; I'm ok.

Goldmember:
Dr. Evil, we still have the ultimate insurance policy. May I present to you, the very sexual, the very toite, Austin Power's fahza.

Dr. Evil:
His what?

Number 2:
His fahza, Dr. Evil.

Dr. Evil:
His farger?

Goldmember:
His fahza. You know, the fahza.

Dr. Evil:
You know Goldmember, I don't speak freaky-deaky Dutch. Okay, perv boy?

Goldmember:
Fahza, his dad, dad is fahza.

Dr. Evil:
Oh, his dad. Oh, his *father*.

Nigel Powers:
So, er, little fella, I was wondering... is everything... in proportion... down there?

Nigel Powers:
You know, your bobby dangler, kiggle sick, your admiral-two-colonels, master of ceremonies... Yeah, don't be shy, let's have a look.

Nigel Powers:
My lord! you're a tripod. What you been feedin' that thing, eh? Good thing is, if you ever get tired, you can use it as a kickstand!

Goldmember:
Right in the kanickies.

Nigel Powers:
All right Goldmember. Don't play the laughing boy. There's only two things I hate in this world. People who are intolerant of other people's cultures and the Dutch.

Goldmember:
What? Take the fahza away! Dutch hater! And now, it is time to say goodbye. Dr. Evil's orders. Which, for you, is bad news bears.

Nigel Powers:
There are two things in the world I can't stand: people who are intolerant of other people's cultures... and the Dutch.

Foxxy Cleopatra:
You have the right to remain sexy, sugar.

Austin Powers:
Oh, I hope there's a search involved.

Austin Powers:
You know Dr. Evil, I have always thought you were crazy, but now I can see your nuts.

Austin Powers:
I thank you.

Japanese Man 1:
RUN! IT'S GODZILLA!

Japanese Man 2:
It looks like Godzilla, but due to international copyright laws - it's not.

Japanese Man 1:
STILL! WE SHOULD RUN LIKE IT IS GODZILLA!

Japanese Man 2:
Though it isn't.

Austin Powers:
Your spy car's a Mini?

Nigel Powers:
It's not the size mate, it's how you use it.

Austin Powers:
I am a sexy beast.

Dr. Evil:
I haven't laughed that hard since I was a little girl.

Austin Powers:
Fook Mi, that was fast!

Austin Powers:
Mr. Roboto is lying to us.

Foxxy Cleopatra:
Tell me something I don't know.

Austin Powers:
I open-mouth kissed a horse once.

Foxxy Cleopatra:
Say what?

Austin Powers:
That's something you don't know.

Austin Powers:
What do you know about my father's where... about... s?

Famous Dr. Evil:
Careful Mr. Powers, 'cause this is one doctor who does make house calls.

Famous Mini-Me:
Hey you a**holes. I'm Mini-Me! Come and get me!

Dr. Evil:
Stick that in your pipe and smoke it.

Austin Powers:
Mole. Bloody mole. We aren't supposed to talk about the bloody mole, but there's a bloody mole winking me in the face. I want to c-u-u-t it off, ch-o-o-p it off, and make guacamole.

Goldmember:
Dr. Evil, You look very toit. Yesh, toit like a toiger. Yesh Yesh Yesh.

Dr. Evil:
You know, Goldmember? I don't think that's something one dude should say to another dude. Yeah. A little creepy. Mmhmm.

Dr. Evil:
Well, congratulations numb nuts... you've succeeded in turning me into a frickin' Jack in the box.

Fat Bastard:
You know what my favorite Helen Hunt movie is?

Fat Bastard:
TWISTER!

Austin Powers:
Nice to mole you... meet you. Nice to meet you, Mole.

Austin Powers:
Don't say mole.

Foxxy Cleopatra:
Now stop.

Austin Powers:
*I* said mole.

Foxxy Cleopatra:
Stop.

Number Three:
Bye.

Austin Powers:
Mole.

Austin Powers:
Mole.

Austin Powers:
Mole.

Basil Exposition:
Oh, shut up!

Austin Powers:
Moley, moley, moley, moley, moley!

Goldmember:
Would you like a shmoke und a pancake?

Austin Powers:
A what?

Goldmember:
A shmoke und a pancake. You know, a flapjack und a shigarette? No? Shigar und a waffle? No? Pipe und a crepe? No? Bong und a blintz? No? Well, then there ish no pleashing you.

Austin Powers:
That's not right...

Goldmember:
Look. My vinky was a key.

Nigel Powers:
Only a bloody Dutchman...

Number 2:
While you were in space, I created a way for us to make huge sums of legitement money, and still maintain the ethics and the business practices of an evil organisation. I have turned us into talent agency; the Hollywood Talent Agency.

Austin Powers:
You're insane, Goldmember.

Goldmember:
And that's the way, uh huh, uh huh, I like it

Goldmember:
KC and the Sunshine Band.

Dr. Evil:
Boo-frickity-hoo.

Number 2:
Dr. Evil, can you continue with your plan?

Dr. Evil:
Of course, Number 2, our plan is SCOTTY DON'T.

Scott Evil:
Oh, come on, you're such a lame ass.

Dr. Evil:
Using my time machine I shall travel back to 1975, pick up Goldmember and bring him back to the future. And the best part of this plan is... no one can stop me. Not even... Austin Powers.

Austin Powers:
Not so fast. You're surrounded, Doctor Evil.

Dr. Evil:
Sh*t

Dr. Evil:
Our early attempts at a tractor beam went through several preparations. Preparations A through G were a complete failure. But now, ladies and gentlemen, we finally have a working tractor beam, which we shall call... Preparation H.

Dr. Evil:
What?

Scott Evil:
Why don't you just call it operation ass-cream, you ass.

Dr. Evil:
I'm sorry, did you say you want some ice cream?

Scott Evil:
Yes, I'd love some chocolate ass-cream.

Dr. Evil:
Perhaps later.

Number 2:
Dr. Evil, I love your plan.

Dr. Evil:
You do?

Frau Farbissina:
Yah. It's a really good plan.

Dr. Evil:
Yes Frau, on the whole Preparation H feels good.

Dr. Evil:
What is it now?

Scott Evil:
No, I totally agree with you. Preparation H does feel good... on the hole.

Austin Powers:
Smashing, Basil. A pimp-mobile.

Basil Exposition:
Yes, yes. I knew it would tickle *your* fancy.

Austin Powers:
What can I say?

Austin Powers:
Cough!

Dr. Evil:
Quid pro-quo, Mr. Powers.

Austin Powers:
Yes, squid pro row.

Fat Bastard:
I've been tryin' to go legit.

Austin Powers:
Of course...

Fat Bastard:
But when you're an overweight child, in a society that demands perfection, your sense of right and wrong, fair and unfair will always be tragically skewed...

Austin Powers:
Did you just soil yourself?

Fat Bastard:
Maybe.

Fat Bastard:
It did sound a little wet, there didn't it? Right at the end! Oooh! Heh heh heh. Let's have a smell all right? Oh, everyone likes their own brand, don't they? Oh, this is magic! Hmmm, wafting, wafting. Ok, anylisis. Ooh, smells like carrots in throw-up! Oh that could gag a maggot! I smell like hot sick... ass in a dead carcass! Even stink would say that stinks! You know when you go into an apartment building and you smell the other people's cooking on each floor and you go "What are they cookin'?" That, plus crap!

Goldmember:
I vant everyone to have an Amsterdam good time.

Dr. Evil:
All right, it's getting crowded in here. Everyone out. Everyone out. C'mon.

Dr. Evil:
Not you, Scottie. Not you, Number 2. Not you, Frau. Not you, Goldmember. Not you, guys back there. Not you, henchman holding wrench. Not you, henchman arbitrarily turning knobs, making it seem like you're doing something.

Dr. Evil:
Ohh, this is uncomfortable.

Goldmember:
Heheheh, the tiny one can't take a hint, Heheheheh. He doesn't understand he's small.

Dixie Normous:
Hi, I'm Dixie. Dixie Normous. I may be just a small-town FBI agent slash single mother, but I'm still tough... and sexy.

Famous Austin:
Well, Miss Normous... shall we shag now, or shag later?

Dr. Evil:
I don't know how to be no crib on MTV, God only knows, got my mini-me and the GP see how it goes. Evil's all that I see, you ask me my name? D to the rizzo, E to the vizzo, I to the lizzo. I'm a crazy motherf***er, y'all knew that. Austin caught me in the first act, it's all backwards, what's up with that? So I'll make a prophecy from the dogs to the mini-me. Gimme and Escalade, two way, bling-bling on eBay. DOMINO, motherf***er!

Nigel Powers:
Blimey! I thought I smelled cabbage.

Fook Mi:
Do we make you sleepy?

Austin Powers:
Well, you make me many things but "sleepy" isn't one of them.

(deleted scene in Infinifilm edition)

Dr. Evil:
Goldmember, I have an anagram for you: "I fit iron dick."

Goldmember:
Yes. "I fit iron dick." Yes, it's an anagram, so it's a jumble word. Okay, jumbling, jumbling... Carry the 7... Divided by... Yes...

Dr. Evil:
Yeah, can't get it? "I fit iron dick," "frickin' idiot." (spells it to the tune to 'Old McDonald Had a Farm') F-r-i-c-k-i-n' i-d-i-o-t. With a frick-frick here and a frick-frick there; here a frick, there a frick, everywhere a frick-frick. Dr. Evil had a suuu-ubbb... filled with... frick-in idiots.

Dr. Evil:
Lower the globe.

Frau:
Lower the globe! [Goldmember flinches, the globe falls onto Dr. Evil's head]

Dr. Evil:
Ow! Ow!

Goldmember:
Scheiße!

Dr. Evil:
Well, congratulations, numb-nuts! You've succeeded in turning me into a frickin' Jack-in-the-Box! Get it off, get it off! It's dark, it's dark! [Number 2 pulls the globe off Dr. Evil's head.] Okay, I'm okay. [Goldmember chuckles] Release the meteor.

Frau:
Release the meteor! [Mini-me swings a gold meteor model into Dr. Evil's genitals]

Dr. Evil:
(falls over) Ohh! Oh! Ohh, no way!

Goldmember:
Right in the kinicke!

Dr. Evil:
God damn it! Oh! Guys! [to Mini-me who shrugs afterwards] Way to go, a-hole! Everyone, just let me find my balls, for God's sakes. 1, 2, and 3. Okay, I'm okay, I'm okay.

Spielberg:
So Austin, what did you think of the opening credits?

Austin:
Well, I can't believe Sir Steven Spielberg, the grooviest filmmaker in the history of cinema is making a mooovie about my life. Very shagadelic, baby. Yeah! (laughs) Having said that, I do have some thoughts.

Spielberg:
Really? (holds up an Oscar) My friend here thinks it's fine the way it is.

Austin:
Well, no offense, Sir Stevie... (holds up the word 'mojo') ...but you've gotta have mojo baby. Yeah! (blows the word into colorful dust)

Johnson:
Sir, Dr. Evil's not bluffing. One of our satellites is falling out of orbit.

World Leader:
Which one?

Johnson:
It's the one that looks like a pair of--

[cut to a fruit stand]

Woman:
Melons! Big juicy melons! [holds two melons in front of her]

Man:
Are they nice and firm?

Woman:
Well, what do you think?

Man:
[points to the sky] Look at that! It looks like a set of giant--

[cut to a football game; 4 men are cheering with the letters "T","I","T", and "S" painted on their chests]

2nd "T" Man:
Hey! A and N, you're late!

[two more men with the letters "A" and "N" arrive, forming "TITANS"]

"A" Man:
How we doing, man?!

All 6 men:
Yeah! GO, TITANS!! Yeah!

"A" Man:
Check it out! Those remind me of--

[film pauses; cut to the Osbournes]

Ozzy:
B*obs!

Sharon:
B*obs, Ozzy?

Ozzy:
These filmmakers are just [bleep] b*obs!

Kelly:
What do you mean, Dad?

Ozzy:
Well, they're usin' the same [bleep] joke they did in the last Austin Powers movie.

Sharon:
What [bleep] joke?

Jack:
You know, the [bleep] joke about the long, smooth rocket that looks like some guy's--

[cut back to the World Organization]

Leader:
Johnson?

Johnson:
Yes, sir?

Leader:
Any sign of that satellite?

Johnson:
No, sir. It's gone.

Foxxy:
Basil, what's happenin', baby?

Basil:
A lot is happening, Foxxy. Dr. Evil has escaped! The good news is that one of our agents has managed to infiltrate Dr. Evil's organization.

Austin:
Excellent, Basil. We've been trying for years to get a mole into Dr. Evil's lair; we now have that mole.

Basil:
: Yes! Ah, and here he is.

[Number Three enters]

Austin:
So you're the... (zoom up on the mole's mole) mo-o-ole, mo-o-o-le...

Foxxy:
Mo-ost, most...most excellent agent we've ever seen.

Austin:
Yes, most excellent agent we've ever seen.

Foxxy:
Mm-hmmm.

Austin:
(quietly to Foxxy) Thank you.

Number Three:
Thank you. Now, I wasn't able to get an exact location, but I did learn that Dr. Evil has moved to a new lair outside of Tokyo Japan. By the way, I realize that I have a large mole on my face.

Austin:
Where? (nervously laughs) What? Where's that mole? I... didn't see one.

Number Three:
I also realize the irony that I am myself a mole.

Austin:
(nervously) No one would make that connection.

Basil:
(to Number Three) Anyway, well done, old chap. Jolly good work.

Austin:
Yes, nice to mole you--meet you! Nice to meet your mole. Don't say "mole".

Foxxy:
Stop it.

Austin:
I said "mole".

Foxxy:
Stop!

Number Three:
Bye.

Austin:
Mole.

[Basil and Number Three approach the elevator]

Austin:
Mo-ole... [Basil raises index finger, face indicating "That's enough."] Mole!

Basil:
[irritated] OH, SHUT UP!

Austin:
[tries to hold it in, but cannot] Moley, moley, moley, moley, moley!

Number Three:
Mini-Me has switched sides.

Austin:
Oh! Oh! (looks at Mini-Me) Sorry about that, old chap. (waves) Welcome aboard. (looks back at Number Three) My mole-stake. (covers his mouth)

Number Three:
What?

Austin:
(shakes head)

Number Three:
Look, just get it out of your system.

Austin:
No, I'm fine.

Number Three:
We can work better if you just--

Austin:
MOLE! Bloody mole! We're not supposed to talk about the bloody mole, but there's a bloody mole winking me in the face! I'm gonna chop it off, cut it up, and make some guaca-moley!

Number Three:
Better?

Austin:
Yeah. (takes plant branch and pokes Number Three's mole with it)

Goldmember:
Dr. Evil, we have the ultimate insurance policy. May I present to you, the very sexual, the very toit, Austin Power's fahza!

Dr. Evil:
His what?

Number 2:
His fazha, Dr. Evil.

Dr. Evil:
His farjer?

Number 2:
[nods]

Dr. Evil:
What's farjer?

Goldmember:
His fazha, ya know the fazha.

Dr. Evil:
Yeah, Goldmember, I don't speak freaky-deaky Dutch. Okay, perv-boy?

Goldmember:
Fazha, his dad. Daddy's fazha.

Dr. Evil:
Oh, his dad. Oh! His father.

Goldmember:
Yes, I have a Dutch accent. Isn't that weird?

Dr. Evil:
Father, Father. Ah, Nigel Powers.

Nigel:
Hello, hello. (slaps Frau on her rear) Ha-ha-ha.

Dr. Evil:
Bring him to me.

Nigel:
Easy-peasy, lemon squeezy. Oh, put the guns down. Is-is this the first day on the job or something? Look, this is how it goes, you attack me, one at a time, and I knock you out with a single punch. Okay? Go.

(The two guards listen, and Nigel does just that)

Dr. Evil:
Oh, he's good.

Nigel:
(to third guard) Do you know who I am? Have you any idea how many anonymous henchmen I've killed over the years? And look at you, you haven't even got a name tag. You got no chance. Why don't you just fall down? Go on, son.

(The guard complies.)

Nigel:
All right, Dr. Evil, give yourself up while you still got a chance. (handgun chambers behind Nigel) Okay, okay, you got me.

Dr. Evil:
Nigel Powers, I'd like you to meet Mini-me.

Nigel:
Oh, blimey! (looks down at Mini-me) I thought I smelled cabbage.

Dr. Evil:
Take him away!

Goldmember:
Uh-uh, Dr. Evil, can I paint his yoo-hoo gold? It's kind of my thing, ya know?

(Dr. Evil pilots his chair over to Goldmember, and swivels it to look at Goldmember.)

Dr. Evil:
How 'bout no, you crazy Dutch bastard!?

Goldmember:
Would you like a smoke and a pancake?

Austin:
... What?

Goldmember:
A smoke and a pancake. You know, a flapjack and a cigarette? No?

Austin:
[shakes head]

Goldmember:
Cigar and a waffle? No?

Austin:
[shakes head]

Goldmember:
Pipe and a crepe? No?

Austin:
[shakes head]

Goldmember:
Bong and a blintz?

Austin and Nigel:
No.

Goldmember:
Well, then there ish no pleashing you.

Austin:
That's not right.

[Basil brings in three sailors]

Basil:
Austin, these men were assigned to guard your father. [to the sailors] Okay, chaps. Chins up, trousers down. [to Austin] I think we may have found a clue.

[the sailors pull down their pants, and Austin is shocked to see what they have exposed]

Austin:
Cor blimey!! All your privates have had their privates painted gold! How bizarre! Imagine, gilded tally-whackers, golden wedding tackle, 14-karat trouser snakes.

Basil:
That's enough.

Austin:
Okay. Basil, there's only one person in the world who truly understands the psychology of a madman.

Austin and Basil:
Dr. Evil.

[{}=Japanese translations]

Mr. Roboto:
{I am president of Roboto Industries. My name is Mr. Roboto.}

Austin:
Domo arigato, Mr. Roboto. {Thank you, Mr. Roboto} [in English] I thank you.

Foxxy:
{Thank you for seeing us on such short notice.}

Austin:
You speak Japanese?

Foxxy:
A little.

Austin:
Well, you might be a cunning linguist. but I'm a master debater.

[both laugh, then Austin turns to Mr. Roboto]

Austin:
I'm looking for my father. He was kidnapped.

Mr. Roboto:
[holds out a mushroom to Austin] {Please eat some sh*t.}

Austin:
"Please eat" what?!

Foxxy:
Wait. [removes the white cups revealing rest of subtitle] He said: "Please eat some shiitake mushrooms".

Austin:
Tell me, what do you know about my father's whereabouts?

Mr. Roboto:
Hmm... [walks up to his bookcase] {Your ass is happy.}

Austin:
"Your ass is happy"?

Foxxy:
No. [pulls down a bookcase cover, revealing the rest of the subtitle] He said: "Your assignment is an unhappy one".

Austin:
Oh!

Mr. Roboto:
[to a Japanese woman in white] {I have a huge rod.}

[the woman gasps]

Austin:
Nice potty-mouth, dirt bag!

Mr. Roboto:
[repeats line and moves away from woman, revealing I have a huge rodent problem.]

Austin:
Oh.

Mr. Roboto:
{A little off the topic but unfortunate nonetheless.}

Austin:
Yes. Quite off-topic, thank you very much.

Mr. Roboto:
Why don't I just speak in English?

Austin:
That would be a good idea, now, wouldn't it? That way, I wouldn't misread the subtitles, making it look like you're saying things that are dirty.

Austin:
How can I find this Goldmember?

Dr. Evil:
Quid pro quo, Mr. Powers.

Austin:
Yes. Squid pro row.

Dr. Evil:
I give you Goldmember, you give me a transfer to a regular prison, so that I can be with my beloved Mini-Me.

[a small replica of Godzilla runs amok in Tokyo]

Japanese Man 1:
Run! It's Godzilla!

Japanese Man 2:
It looks like Godzilla, but due to International Copyright Laws, it's not.

Man 1:
Still, we should run like it is Godzilla!

Man 2:
Though it isn't.

[both men scream and flee]

Austin:
Listen, dad, if you are are going to talk about naughty things in front of these American girls then at least speak English English.

Nigel:
All right, my son: I could've had it away with this cracking Julie, my old China. (Subtitle: I was about to make love to this pretty girl.)

Austin:
Are you telling pork-pies and a bag of trout? Because if you are feeling quigly, why not just have a J. Arthur? (Is this true? If you were aroused, why didn't you pleasure yourself?)

Nigel:
What, billy no mates? (What, alone?)

Austin:
Too right, youth. (Indeed.)

Nigel:
Don't you remember the crimbo din-din we had with the grotty Scots bint? (Remember Christmas dinner with the Scottish girl?)

Austin:
Oh, the one that was all sixes and sevens! (The insane one?)

Nigel:
Yeah, yeah, she was the trouble and strife of the Morris dancer what lived up the apples and pears! (She was the wife of the dancer who lived upstairs.)

Austin:
She was the barrister what become a bobby in a lorry and... (A lawyer who became a policeman in a truck) [inaudiably] (????????)...

Austin & Nigel:
--tea kettle!

Nigel:
And then, and then--

Austin & Nigel:
She shat on a turtle!

Goldmember:
Breaker-breaker one-niner, this is Goldie Wang. Over.

Dr. Evil:
Ten-four there, Goldie Wang. This is Rubber Duckie. What's your ten-twenty? Over.

Goldmember:
I've got Preparation H in my rear and Smokey the Bear on my back pocket. We got us a convoy. Over.

Dr. Evil:
Yee-haw! Copy that, you son of a b*tch, pile of monkey nuts.

Young Dr. Evil:
(Checking the class rankings) Hey everybody, I'm #1!

Young Number 2:
Hello. I'm Number 2.

Young Dr. Evil:
Pleased to meet you Number 2. But now I'm finally going to be this years international man of mystery. *evil laugh*

Young Number 2:
*evil laugh*

Both:
*evil laugh*

Boy:
[off screen] Shut your gob! [a cupcake hits Dr. Evil]

Young Dr. Evil:
Ow! [laughter] Who throws a cupcake? Honestly.

[last lines]

Scott:
I'm gonna get you, Austin Powers! (laughs evilly, like Dr. Evil)

Dr. Evil:
Our early attempts at a tractor beam went through several preparations. Preparations A through G were a complete failure. But now, ladies and gentlemen, we finally have a working tractor beam, which we shall call... Preparation H!!

Scott laughs.

Dr. Evil:
What?

Scott:
Why don't you just call it Operation Ass Cream, ass?

Dr. Evil:
I-I'm sorry, did you want some ice cream?

Scott:
Yes, I'd love some chocolate ass cream.

Dr. Evil:
[uncertainly] Perhaps later.

Number Two:
Dr. Evil, I love your plan.

Dr. Evil:
Yah, eh?

Frau:
Yeah, Doctor. It's a really good plan.

Dr. Evil:
Yes Frau, on the whole, I think Preparation H feels good.

Scott starts chuckling uncontrollably.

Dr. Evil:
[irritated] What is it now?

Scott:
No, nothin'. You know what, I agree. Preparation H does feel good...on the hole.

Dr. Evil:
Well, I'm glad were sprechen sie the same lingidy... yah. Ladies and Gentlemen, using my time machine, I shall travel back to 1975, pick up Goldmember, and bring him back to the future. And the best part of the plan is, no one can stop me...not even... Austin Powers. Muh-huh-huh-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!

Others (except Scott):
Huh-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!

Austin:
Not so fast.

[several British SAS forces storm the base]

Austin:
You're surrounded, Dr. Evil.

Dr. Evil:
Sh*t.

Goldmember:
Not so fast, smarty-pants! Dr. Evil, you might not want to destroy the world, but I do! Preparation H goes ahead as planned. I'm going to flood the Earth! [laughs]

Foxxy:
Think again, Goldmember! [points her gun at Goldmember]

Goldmember:
Ahh! Foxxy Cleopatra! It's a shame I had to kill your partner. Too bad for you!

Foxxy:
Too bad for me? How 'bout too bad for you? [holds the key in her hand]

Goldmember:
(in terror) Oh, no!

(Foxxy drops the key into the shark tank)

Goldmember:
[panics] No-ho-ho! No-ho-ho-ho! (composes himself) Luckily, I keep a spare.

(Goldmember turns around and removes his genitals, turns around, and reveals another key)

Goldmember:
Look, everyone! My winky was a key!

Nigel:
(in contempt) Only a bloody Dutchman.

Austin (Tom Cruise):
Yeah Baby!

Dixie (Gwyneth Paltrow):
Hi I'm Dixie, Dixie Normous. I may just be a small town FBI agent slash single mother, but I'm still tough, and sexy.

Austin (Cruise):
Well Miss Normous, shall we shag now, or shag later?

Dixie (Paltrow):
Oh Austin, Behave!

Dr. Evil (Kevin Spacey):
Hey, Powers! You better watch your frigging self because this is one doctor who does make house-calls. Right, mini-me?

Mini-me (Danny Devito):
Hey, a**holes! I'm right over here! I'm Mini-me! Come and get me! (fires an automatic assault rifle in the air)

Goldmember (John Travolta):
Hey, a**holes! Do I have time for a last smoke and a pancake or what? I am from Holland! Isn't that weird?!

Fat Bastard:
Hey Powers!

Austin:
Fat Bastard? But you're not fat anymore.

Fat Bastard:
I went on the Subway diet. You know, just like Jared. I've lost 180 pounds.

Austin:
Congratulations, baby.

Fat Bastard:
Thank you. I do have a little bit of excess skin, though. Bit of a problem here, you know. And unfortunately, my neck does look like a vagina.