Babe: Pig in the City

Snoop:
I'm a sniffer, ya see. A fully qualified, triple-certificated sniffer.

Babe:
Oh.

Snoop:
It's all in the hooter, the schnoz, the olfactory instrument. You could be a sniffer with a schnoz like that.

Flealick:
Well, hey, slow down. If you're not a cat, stay and chat.

Babe:
Open up, please. Open this door.

Zootie:
You got a problem, sweetie?

Babe:
Um... uh...

Zootie:
It's, uh... kind of a baldy, pinky, whitey thingy.

Babe:
Well, I have to warn you, I may be small, but I can be ferocious if provoked.

Thelonius:
And what have we here?

Zootie:
He's of foreign extraction, your honor.

Thelonius:
This lowly, handless, deeply unattractive mudlover is a pig.

Babe:
I'm not a porkpie.

Zootie:
Whatever you say, cutie pie.

Babe:
I'm not any kind of pie. I'm just a pig on a mission.

Flealick:
Eh, we got a carpet here with some nice spaghetti stains.

Nigel:
But we can't keep licking the carpet, can we, Alan?

Zootie:
We're going outside? Without a human? Could be kind of dangerous, you know, in a lethally sort of way.

Babe:
You're very kind, but...

Babe:
Then you should change jobs.

Farmer Hoggett:
That'll do, pig. That'll do.

Babe:
Sorry, Boss...

Babe:
You're very kind, but...

The Pitbull:
No, no, I'm anything but kind. In fact, I have a professional obligation to be malicious.

Babe:
Then you should change jobs.

Thelonius:
And what have we here?

Bob:
Well, um, we're in a negotiation with this naked, pink individual.

Zootie:
He's of foreign extraction, your honor.

Easy:
Possibly even an alien.

The mice:
[reading the chapter's title] "Chaos Theory."

Mrs. Hoggett:
[off-camera] PI-IG!! [the scene fades in to show Mrs. Hoggett walking through a crowded street promenade] PI-IG! PI-IG!!! Here, pig-pig-pig-pig-piggy! Here, pig, pig, pig, pig! [sternly] Pig! [her yelling draws the attention of two motorcycle cops] Pig! [wanders toward an alley] Pig! [the two motorcycle cops pull up behind her] Here, pig-pig-pig-pig-piggy!

[Mrs. Hoggett's yelling draws the attention of a gang of hooligans on in-line skates. One skater gets up in her face]

Skater:
[in a gruff voice] Who're you callin' a pig, lady?

Mrs. Hoggett:
[nervously] Not you. Another pig. [the motorcycle cops approach] My husband's pig...

Skater:
What's in the bag? [seizes Mrs. Hoggett's purse, with her trying to pull it back] Give it here! Grrr-rrr-rr! [Mrs. Hoggett swings him and he lets go] WHOOOAAAA!!!! [runs into the motorcycle cops]

[The skater's collision with the motorcycle cops triggers a chain reaction; people trip and fall over one another as Mrs. Hoggett watches in horror. Someone falls on a painter, making him let go of a rope; the rope loosens a very hazardous scaffolding, which two other painters are using to glue a poster onto an overhead billboard. As a result, the scaffolding goes crooked and makes two buckets of glue and one painter slide down, leaving him dangling. In the process, the painter accidentally knocks the other painter off the billboard]

Painter:
Whooa! GAAAAAH!!!! [falls from the billboard, pulling down half the poster. He lands on a wooden board, launching a third bucket of glue, which lands directly on Mrs. Hoggett's head, dousing her in glue]

Mrs. Hoggett:
Oh, dear. [a dwarfed hooligan steals her purse] Oh!

The Pink Poodle:
Please. Please. I know you're different from the others. Those that have had their way with me make their empty promises, but they are all lies. And I'm afraid and terribly, terribly tired.

Babe:
Where's your human?

The Pink Poodle:
My humans belong to someone else now. Someone younger and prettier.

Babe:
[in a dark alley, just past a "Beware: Savage Dogs" sign] Hello? Anybody home? [dogs growling from the shadows] Anybody else?

The Doberman:
[hiding in the shadows] You must have a really thin grasp on reality... [comes out into the light] ...unless, of course, you're suicidal...

Babe:
[nervously] I was only looking for some sheep.

The Doberman:
I warned you.

[a Bull Terrier comes out of he shadows in attempts to attack Babe, as does the Doberman]

BOB:
Fine by moi.

PIT BULL:
Anybody else? Else?

THEONIOUS:
He's still just a pig.

Ferdinand The Duck:
Ferdinand the duck, witness to insanity.

Ferdinand The Duck:
Face it, you're just a little pig in the big city. What can you possibly do? What can anyone do? Why even try?

Zootie The Chimpanzee:
It's a dog-eat-dog world, and there's not enough dog to go around.

The Pitbull:
[during jelly bean distribution to the hungry animals] Thank the pig.

The Narrator:
Something broke through the terror flickerings, fragments of his short life, the random events that delivered him to this, his moment of annihilation. As terror gave way to exhaustion, Babe turned to his attacker, his eyes filled with one simple question: Why?

Bob:
All I know is what I see. Tug comes in with the bag, just doin' his job, collectin' stuff, and you barge in here accusacating and making demandments.

Babe the Pig:
Sorry, Boss...