Battle Beyond the Stars

Cowboy:
I'm from Earth. Ever hear of it?

Cowboy:
I'm from Earth. Know where that is?

Nell:
30 seconds and counting, Zed. 29, 28, 27, 24, 15, 22... did I... did I say 15?

Cayman of the Lambda Zone:
HAIL THE CONQUERING HEROES!

Shad:
I'm sorry; they must be afraid.

Cayman of the Lambda Zone:
Afraid of what?

Shad:
All of you. They're not accustomed to violence, or to violent forms.

Saint-Exmin:
That's a hell of a note!

Yago:
This is Akir, a planet of stone with a single green spot.

Sador:
Let's see it. What about their forms?

Yago:
Comparable with ours. They have a solar technology. No known defense capacity.

Sador:
Interesting. Let's check that...

Sador:
...

Sador:
Hear me, beings of Akir. I am Sador of the Malmori. I have come with my forces to conquer you. If you resist, I will crush you. I possess a stellar converter, the most powerful weapon in the universe. You cannot resist me. I want your planet to be my colony. Your harvest comes in seven risings of your red giant. I shall return then, and you will accept me as your master. If you do not submit, your planet and all life on it will be burned to ash...

Sador:
You are mine.

Shad:
I'm hiring mercenaries for defense of the planet Akir. But food and shelter are all we can offer in payment. All our wealth is in our culture.

Gelt:
I could buy your planet ten times over with what I've gathered in this room: plutonium, cadmium, quanine crystals... I've been very well paid for my work.

Shad:
I'm sorry; I've wasted your time...

Gelt:
NO... WAIT... Listen to the rest of it. I sleep with my back to the wall, when I CAN sleep. I EAT SERPENTS, seven times a week. There's not a major city in this galaxy where I can show my face, or spend my wealth. Right now, your offer looks very attractive to me... A meal, and a place to hide. Agreed?

Cayman of the Lambda Zone:
This is Cayman of the Lambda Zone, calling Sador of the Malmori. Turn around, you over-aged de-generate, and we'll bump heads!

Sador:
...Of what form are you, Cayman?

Cayman of the Lambda Zone:
I am of the Lazuli.

Sador:
I thought I had the honor of making that form extinct, long ago! I won't fail this time! HERE I COME, CAYMAN OF THE LAZULI!

Sador:
Are you capable of speech?

Nestor 2:
Yes, quite capable.

Sador:
And do you have a high tolerance for pain?

Nestor 2:
Almost none at all, I'm afraid.

Sador:
How unfortunate for you. So... How many ships do the Akira have, and what are their capabilities?

Nestor 2:
If I told you that, it would give you an unfair advantage.

Sador:
This is Frojo, my Third Officer. Frojo is expert at inflicting pain... while keeping the victim alive.

Nestor 2:
...It's good to have skills.

Tembo:
Why are we slowing down?

Kalo:
Orders were to guard the planet.

Tembo:
To hell with orders! I want that ship!

Kalo:
Remember Bilko? He disobeyed orders, and now Lord Sador's wearing HIS FOOT!

Tembo:
Right... Maybe we'd better go back.

Nestor 1:
You see... There is only one Nestor, one consciousness. As you might imagine, this has proven very lonely and very dull. We must avoid becoming... we believe you have a phrase for it... becoming "bored to death."