Beach Party

Cappy:
Not you again.

Eric Von Zipper:
Yep, it's me.

Cappy:
I though maybe you'd skip us this year.

Eric Von Zipper:
I like you. And when Eric Von Zipper likes someone, they stay liked.

Big Daddy:
Bring me my pendulum, kiddies, I feel like swinging!

Prof. Robert O. Sutwell:
Marianne, this book will be my triumph.

Marianne:
And you'll never get it though the mail. But hang on to the picture rights. I'm sure American International will snap it up in a minute.

Eric Von Zipper:
Look, nobody tells Eric Von Zipper nothin'!

J.D.:
That's right, nobody tells Eric Von Zipper nothin'!

Prof. Robert O. Sutwell:
Who are you?

J.D.:
J.D.

Eric Von Zipper:
That's short for "Juvenile Delinquent."

J.D.:
You did it again, boss.

Eric Von Zipper:
You stupid, fix it!

Cappy:
Just what we need, the black plague!

Cappy:
Just one thing, Professor, will you level with me? What's with the feather duster? The beard? You think it moves the chicks?

Prof. Robert O. Sutwell:
No, it usually works the other way.

Cappy:
I don't dig. You don't want to level with me?

Prof. Robert O. Sutwell:
All right I'll level with you. When I first started out a Harvard, I was the youngest professor at the university. I was so young that it was sickening. No one took me seriously. Every time when I opened my mouth to speak, my students laughed, the other professors laughed, even the janitors laughted. Well, I knew it couldn't go on for long before I was fired, so one day at lunch, I sat down in the student cafeteria and presented my problem to this old professor friend of mine. And without even glancing up from his soup, he said to me: "buy yourself a pair of glasses and grow a beard." So you see, all of this is just 18 years of professor windowdressing.

Cappy:
Amazing how our lives parallel. You have that, and I have this.

Cappy:
You know why I grew this? I got a dimple in my chin and I didn't want anyone mistaking me for Kirk Douglas.

Prof. Robert O. Sutwell:
But you don't look anything like Kirk Douglas.

Cappy:
See? It works.

Frankie:
Hey! I want to talk to you about Delores. I'm Frankie.

Prof. Robert O. Sutwell:
Oh, hi Frankie. I'm...

Frankie:
I know who you are.

Prof. Robert O. Sutwell:
You do?

Frankie:
You're Professor Sutwell, the guy that's been cutting in on my time!

Prof. Robert O. Sutwell:
Now, come on Frankie, I...

Frankie:
You're brainwashing her with your beard!

Prof. Robert O. Sutwell:
Brainwashing her with my beard?

Frankie:
Why else would she be crazy about some geezer like you?

Prof. Robert O. Sutwell:
Now that, I resent.

Frankie:
I mean, you're an old man.

Prof. Robert O. Sutwell:
Now just a second. If you're so crazy about Delores, why are you running around flirting with that Hungarian goulash, Ava?

Frankie:
Because she's my girl.

Prof. Robert O. Sutwell:
Who? Goulash?

Frankie:
No, Delores!

Prof. Robert O. Sutwell:
Oh, I see now, yes! You're trying to make her jealous. Put her down. Typical Aborigine attitude. I suppose you'd like to drag her off on your surfboard by the roots of her hair.

Frankie:
Yes, I would! I love her. I can understand you can love her too because she's lovable. But I'm telling you this: I am not gonna let any over aged, fuzzy face take away my girl! Now, if I have anything to do with it Mister, believe me I do! By the way, how do you fix for blades?

Cappy:
Can I ask you something, Professor? Are you studying these kids sex lives, or you getting involved in it?

Eric Von Zipper:
“I’ve got an army of stupids”.