Bearcats!

[last lines]

Hank Brackett:
Where have you been?

Johnny Reach:
Where have I been? Coming to the rescue!

Hank Brackett:
Well, you're late.

Johnny Reach:
I noticed.

Hank Brackett:
You see when you come to the rescue, you gotta be on time. Coming to a rescue, timing is everything. Right?

Jake:
He's totally right, due. Timing is everything. I'm going to check on the boys.

Hank Brackett:
Uh-huh.

Tom McKelvey:
He told us that Sergeant Spears' body was found floating in the river down from that ranch.

Hank Brackett:
What ranch?

Audrey McKelvey:
Latimer - that's the man who owned the ranch. Mason Latimer. We tried to get in their to see if there was something of Bill's around. Our lives were threatened.

Hank Brackett:
Threatened how?

Audrey McKelvey:
Four men guardin' the entrance to that ranch. Armed men. Evil men.

[cut to a shot of the gate to Latimer's ranch]

Hank Brackett:
Yeah, well they're armed all right. Let's see if they're evil, huh?

Colonel:
You see the problem?

Hank Brackett:
Phew! I surely do. Two foreign factions fighting on U.S. soil and you want us to stop all that.

Colonel:
Exactly.

Hank Brackett:
Yeah. Well, I guess the best thing to do is to take the money away from the couriers and given them no reason to fight, right?

Colonel:
Right. Deliver the money to Gomez and get him out of the country. And, repeat, no involvement by our government.

Hank Brackett:
I'll have to have a little talk with my partner.

Colonel:
Thank you, Captain.

Johnny Reach:
What's going on?

Hank Brackett:
Uncle Sam wants *you*!

Major Bill Buckner:
This message was addressed to you and two other men, Hank Brackett and Johnny Reach. Have you been in touch with them?

Mr. Davenport:
They're not with this railroad. I don't know who they are or what they have to do with this.

Major Bill Buckner:
Neither does Morales, but whoever wrote this letter for him - he knows who they are.

Mr. Davenport:
And so do you apparently.

Major Bill Buckner:
As a matter of fact, I do. I used to soldier with Brackett and I've heard a lot about his partner. Their names aren't here by accident. Between the lines, whoever wrote this was calling out to them for help.

Mr. Davenport:
To them? Why?

Major Bill Buckner:
Because he's in deep trouble and that's their specialty.

Mr. Davenport:
What are they, hired guns?

Major Bill Buckner:
They don't work for free. At first they did... cleaned up a couple of tough border towns just in self-defense. Then other towns or folks in trouble took to comin' to them for help - so many that they had to get a bit mercenary about putting their lives on the line.

Mr. Davenport:
I see. Well, what's their customary fee?

Major Bill Buckner:
A blank check, Mr. Davenport. You see, they feel like this. If you can put a price on it, you don't need 'em bad enough.

Mr. Davenport:
Are you trying to tell us, Major, that the United States Army can't do the job here, but that two men possibly can?

Major Bill Buckner:
I've already told you, Mr. Davenport, we can't move troops across the border. I know that. I don't know what they can do, if they take the job, but whatever it is, it can't be much worse than Morales has in mind, can it?

Mr. Davenport:
Where can they be contacted?

Major Bill Buckner:
Casa Grande Hotel, Casa Grande, New Mexico.

Mr. Davenport:
Miss Baker, get a telegram off to Mr. Hank Brackett and Mr. Johnny Reach at that address. "Gentlemen, come at once. Situation desperate."

J.J. Foote:
Them tarnation gas buggies are an abomination to the Lord. Yea, verily, the love a man beareth for his horse ain't never gonna be replaced by no bucket of bolts! Noisy, smelly, new-fangled contraption. You expect to leave that stack of smokin' scrap iron here to offend the noses of honest horses?

Johnny Reach:
Oh, yes sir - and we expect you to guard it tenderly with loving care.

J.J. Foote:
Me? Them things is against nature and all I stand for.

J.J. Foote:
Yea, verily, thus they provoked him to anger with their inventions and a plague broke in upon them - Psalms 106, Verse 29.

Hank Bracket:
The chariots shall rage in the streets, they shall jostle one against another in the broad way and they shall seem like torches and they will run like lightning - Nahum 2, Verse 4.

J.J. Foote:
Hey, you know your scriptures!

Johnny Reach:
If thou canst not lick 'em, join 'em. Uh, Johnny Reach, 1914.

Hank Bracket:
It would be a Christian kindness in takin' her off the streets and keepin her safe from pryin' eyes and busy fingers, brother. Here's twenty bucks.

J.J. Foote:
Seein' you put it that way, I'll look after like she's pure-blooded horse-flesh.

[a angry mob surrounds the jail demanding the sheriff and his deputies turn over his prisoner over to them]

Miss Baker:
They wouldn't let it happen. Sheriff Lynch is a very good man.

Hank Bracket:
Kind of an unfortunate name, though, isn't it?

Hank Bracket:
You know, my partner's an old hand at these necktie parties.

Miss Baker:
Oh?

Hank Bracket:
No, really. The first one I attended, he was the guest of honor. That's where I found him. I just plucked him out of a cottonwood tree... and he wasn't very ripe either.

Johnny Reach:
I'd be swingin' there yet if old Hank hadn't happened by... and spoke up from the other end of a double-stacked blowgun.

Hank Bracket:
Hey, Billy! How are you, buddy!

Major Bill Buckner:
A long time between wars.

Hank Bracket:
Well, it certainly is. The old sawbones let you loose, leg and all, huh?

Major Bill Buckner:
I got a new one.

Hank Bracket:
Well, sorry about that. Don't leave it layin' around.

Hank Bracket:
[to the others] He was always losin' somethin' - except battles.

Hank Bracket:
And in the meantime, all you want Johnny and me to do is pull 73 passengers off a moving train in wide-open country without being seen and if we are seen, they're all killed? Is that the job?

Mr. Davenport:
I told you it can't be done.

Hank Bracket:
...I didn't say that.

Ricardo Sandoval:
Senorita, I think that if they meant to kill us, they would have done so.

Beth Parkinson:
And you're grateful for that one small favor? Where are your police? Have you no laws in this God-forsaken country?

Ricardo Sandoval:
Si, senorita, we have laws... and men to break them.

Hank Bracket:
I'll take this, Mr. Davenport, if you don't mind and fill it in later. Fair?

Mr. Davenport:
But what is your plan?

Hank Bracket:
Well, we don't like to talk about things like that, because you'll probably think we're crazy and you might be right.

Hank Bracket:
If you're thinkin' he was brought up in a barn, ma'am, it was nothin' that fancy. It was a wickiup.

Miss Baker:
You mean an Indian dwelling?

Hank Bracket:
He's not even quite civilized yet.

Miss Baker:
Well, you don't look like a savage.

Johnny Reach:
Oh, I'm tame. Family came out of Kansas. My stepmother raised me - she was pureblooded Chiricahua.

Miss Baker:
Oh, you lived with her.

Johnny Reach:
Her people, yes ma'am, after Pa passed away. Still can't sit horse with a saddle on it or sleep on a bed. Sorry.

[last lines]

Hank Bracket:
What kept ya?

Johnny Reach:
Oh, business. I got your five dollars back from Miss Baker.

Hank Bracket:
How'd you do that?

Johnny Reach:
Oh, ah, she bet me she chould kiss me without touching.

Hank Bracket:
She bet you that?

Johnny Reach:
Yeah. Born loser... but an awful good sport!

Sergeant:
Sir, ain't you Colonel Donovan from over Fort Yuma? Why, sure you are! I just seen you get the silver star over there last month.

Col. Ted Donovan:
I'm sorry you recognized me, Sergeant.

[Donovan indicates that he wants the soldiers shot]

Coot Leonard:
I'm already wanted for murder. Join the ranks.

[Donovan pulls out his pistol and shoots]

Hank Brackett:
Why are they chasing you, Don? Did you steal one of their cannons?

Johnny Reach:
I don't know about any cannons.

Hank Brackett:
Don't give that "I don't know about any cannons!" You tried to steal a Stutz Bearcat, you'd try to steal a cannon. Look at me! Now you want to tell us all about it?

Johnny Reach:
I'm AWOL.

Don Kemper:
When did that happen?

Johnny Reach:
Oh, eight weeks ago, I was in a brawl. A couple of soldiers got stabbed. There was too much whiskey and too few women. I ran. I'm a mountain boy and I ran for the nearest mountain I could find.

Hank Brackett:
What's that got to do with why they were chasin' you?

Don Kemper:
They were the military that came after me. They got army gear.

Johnny Reach:
They're not the military - they're traitors. They're going to blow up a U.S. Army convoy.

Hank Brackett:
And kill a lot of those soldier boys like you.

Don Kemper:
Why?

Hank Brackett:
For a buck.

Emmett Thompson:
You are to go into that no-man's land, get Ryker and bring that tank back to the army.

Hank Brackett:
Kind of a hard thing to do.

Emmett Thompson:
The recommendation is that you can do what no one else can. I hope so, because I'm desperate.

Hank Brackett:
Well, there's a new saying in Kansas City - "If you can't lick 'em, join 'em."

Emmett Thompson:
Join them? The men who tried it before were shot on sight!

Hank Brackett:
Yes, I know. Well, we'll just have to get a royal welcome.

Emmett Thompson:
It's customary to leave the amount of payment for your services blank, yes?

Johnny Reach:
Yeah, well, you could look at it this way. If we don't come out of this alive you're getting our services for free.

Johnny Reach:
Alright, I'll bite. Now why would Ryker and his men welcome us?

Hank Brackett:
Well, because we're mean and nasty.

Johnny Reach:
What makes us mean and nasty?

Hank Brackett:
We've done bad things.

Johnny Reach:
Maybe you have - not me.

Hank Brackett:
You forget - we held up an army payroll.

Johnny Reach:
Yeah, but... We what?

Hank Brackett:
We held up an army payroll.

Johnny Reach:
When did we do that?

Hank Brackett:
We didn't yet. I just thought of it.

Johnny Reach:
And when you tell Ryker that, he's going to welcome us with open arms?

Hank Brackett:
Unh-uh. First we have to escape from a federal prison.

[Hank and Johnny, dressed as monks, try to enter Ryker's stronghold, dodging gunfire as they approach]

Jason Ryker:
Hold your fire, you mule-headed crushbellies!

Billy Joe:
But Mr. Ryker, you said that we...

Jason Ryker:
Monks come looking for monks. You shoot one, you get a whole congregation.

Overton:
By the way, that blank check I gave you... How much do you intend to fill it out for?

Hank Brackett:
Oh, the check. Well, seriously now, what would you say is the total value of your investments in Latin America? Fifty million? A hundred? Two hundred?

Overton:
[chuckling] Would it do any good if I told you that business has been a little slow lately?

Hank Brackett:
I could consider that I guess. Let's say, I'll leave it at room and board.

[last lines]

Hank Brackett:
Now where do you think you're going?

Johnny Reach:
Well, where are you going?

Hank Brackett:
We're going to a nice, quiet country place where a girl can apologize with total freedom.

Johnny Reach:
Ah. Well, we're going on a little picnic... and she doesn't have to apologize. See you later.

Hank Brackett:
Later.

[Hank and Jim are sparring in a boxing ring when two beautiful women ride up]

Hank Brackett:
You know somethin'? That looks awful pretty.

Jim Jeffries:
Yeah!

Hank Brackett:
Let's make it look good.

[the two men start boxing again and Jim decks Hank]

Hank Brackett:
Ow! Well, what did you do that for?

Jim Jeffries:
Well, you told me to make it look good.

Hank Brackett:
Well, not that good!

Raoul Estaban:
Buenos dias.

Milly:
Welcome to the United States.

Raoul Estaban:
Well, gracias... and welcome to me!

Raoul Estaban:
What work?

Johnny Reach:
Reconnisance. We have to find a man named Russell. He's a thief.

Raoul Estaban:
A big thief?

Hank Brackett:
Big thief.

Johnny Reach:
Half a million dollars worth.

Raoul Estaban:
Wooo! That is not a thief; that is a cavalier.