Big Bad Wolf

Mitchell Toblat:
[in his wolf form] Are you going to eat that?

Kenge:
We are being hunted.

Mitchell Toblat:
I gotta go. I'm late for my big weekend f***-fest.

Mitchell Toblat:
You're not your dad, kid.

Derek Cowley:
Yeah, neither are you.

Derek Cowley:
You wouldn't have graduated high school without my help.

Samantha 'Sam' Marche:
You wouldn't have survived without mine!

Derek Cowley:
Uh, everybody, this is Sam. Sam, this is...

Samantha 'Sam' Marche:
[Cuts him off] Ooh, let me guess! Muffy, Britney, Biff and Chad!

Derek Cowley:
Actually, it's uh, Cassie, Melissa, Jason and Alex.

Samantha 'Sam' Marche:
Hmm, close.

Cassie:
Look, Metal-face, why don't you just keep your smart-ass comments to yourself!

Samantha 'Sam' Marche:
You know what...

Derek Cowley:
[Holds her back] Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.

Jason:
[to a man whose car broke down] Ah, yes, the ghost. Well, did you check this here, distributor?

Alex:
You don't know what a f***ing distributor is!

Samantha 'Sam' Marche:
[Shoves him] Get outta my way.

Alex:
What makes you think you could do any better?

Samantha 'Sam' Marche:
I'm a mechanic, d*ckhead.

Cassie:
Alex wants to f*** me so bad, sometimes I think he'll pop the question just to get laid.

Melissa:
Wow. I can't believe you've gotten him to wait so long.

Cassie:
You surrender the pink too soon, honey, they're on to the next thing. Alex is my ticket out of middle America. I help him out with a bj now and then, but he won't get what he wants until I get what I want.

Melissa:
You gold-digger!

Alex:
Hey, uh, maybe you could help us, too. We're looking for Bear Mountain. It's off of Fire Road 13.

Fulton Chaney:
Uh-uh. You don't wanna go there.

Fulton Chaney:
You shouldn't thank me. You should go back to the city. But if you do find this cabin, stay indoors.

Cassie:
I like your tongue piercing.

Samantha 'Sam' Marche:
Thanks... I guess.

Cassie:
Do guys like, like the way it feels when you, you know?

Samantha 'Sam' Marche:
Why don't I blow your boyfriend, you can ask him?

Cassie:
B*TCH! I was just asking!

Samantha 'Sam' Marche:
And I was just telling.

Jason:
We can take a little romantic walk in the moonlight, you know what I mean?

Melissa:
Can you even walk?

Jason:
Oh, I can do a lot more than that, baby.

Jason:
If you want a plain, old, vanilla f***ing, that's fine.

Samantha 'Sam' Marche:
You know I've always cared more about you than any guy I've ever slept with.

Derek Cowley:
Yeah. Same here.

Samantha 'Sam' Marche:
You've always cared about me more than any guy you've ever slept with?

Derek Cowley:
You know what I mean, don't be an ass, Sam.

Cassie:
I'm the dirtiest virgin you could ever want.

Cassie:
Look honey, I love you, but the next time you force yourself on me, I'll take the balls with me!

Mitchell Toblat:
[In wolf form] Little pigs, little pigs, let me in! By the hair on my chinny-chin-chin! Or I'll huff and I'll puff, and I'll rip your guts out!

Mitchell Toblat:
[In his wolf form. Has just raped Cassie] Oh, I'm sorry. Was that your b*tch, champ?

Alex:
You animal! She was a virgin!

Mitchell Toblat:
[In his wolf form] Well, she ain't anymore!

Mitchell Toblat:
[In his wolf form. To Sam] Let's do it like dogs!

Samantha 'Sam' Marche:
It was a werewolf.

Derek Cowley:
No, Sam. That's impossible.

Samantha 'Sam' Marche:
It was a full moon, it was walking on two legs, and wearing pants, oh! And it was f***ing talking to us! What the hell else could it have been?

Derek Cowley:
Look, I live with the guy, ok? Yes, he may be an utter assholle, but I think I would know if he sprouted hair and fangs every full moon!

Samantha 'Sam' Marche:
Why don't you check his appointment book or something. I mean, see where he's been the last couple full moons. Or better yet, check his back. I drove that ax in pretty deep, and if it was him, he'd have a pretty big flesh wound.

Derek Cowley:
Well, how do you suppose I go about that? I mean, he doesn't exactly parade around the house shirtless or anything.

Samantha 'Sam' Marche:
Not even when he showers?

Derek Cowley:
I don't shower with him!

Samantha 'Sam' Marche:
Wow. That's a sh*t ton of weight, Mr.Toblat.

Charlie Cowley:
[Derek and Sam are wet] You guys are soaking.

Derek Cowley:
Sam here drives a bike. In the rain.

Charlie Cowley:
Cool.

Charlie Cowley:
Toblat killed your father, and your classmates, and god knows who else, and he's gotta be stopped.

Derek Cowley:
I think I'm gonna be sick.

Samantha 'Sam' Marche:
That's it. Let's kill the sick bastard! Derek. Derek, are you with us?

Derek Cowley:
I, uh, don't know about that, Sam.

Samantha 'Sam' Marche:
Your step-dad killed those people! What don't you know?

Derek Cowley:
You are talking about murder, Sam.

Samantha 'Sam' Marche:
Damn straight.

Samantha 'Sam' Marche:
Look, I don't wanna be rude here, but what are we doing? I mean, usually when guys invite teens into their hotel room it's the start of bad Internet porn.

Derek Cowley:
Hey, just remember, we need ten strands with the root still attatched.

Samantha 'Sam' Marche:
Yeah, no sh*t, Sherlock!

Charlie Cowley:
[about Sam] You like her, don't you?

Derek Cowley:
Is it that obvious?

Derek Cowley:
[to Sam] Do you realize that the last time I saw you, you literally ran out of my house?

Derek Cowley:
Hey, uh. Why do you think we never hooked up in high school?

Samantha 'Sam' Marche:
Cuz you didn't treat me like sh*t. You were too nice. Still are.

Derek Cowley:
Oh, The Nice Guy. It's the kiss of death, you know? That happens to be the story of my life.

Samantha 'Sam' Marche:
You know what kind of girl I am.

Derek Cowley:
I don't care. I never did, you know that.

Nick Baxter:
Come on, Samantha. Just tell us; why?

Samantha 'Sam' Marche:
You wanna know what the better question is? Why am I gonna kick all of your asses? Anybody? Huh?

Nick Baxter:
W-why?

Samantha 'Sam' Marche:
Because nobody calls me Samantha, you blood-sucking leech! The garage is closed, so get your pimply asses out of it!

Derek Cowley:
[Sees that the DNA was extracted from semen] How could you, Sam?

Samantha 'Sam' Marche:
He cornered me! What else was I supposed to do?

Derek Cowley:
Oh. So you had no other choice but to, I don't know, suck his dick?

Samantha 'Sam' Marche:
Oh, well where were you, huh? I didn't exactly see you breaking down the door! [Stops to calm herself down] We know the truth about him, ok? That's the important thing. [Derek walks out] So what? You got your feeling hurt, now you're gonna run home to mommy?

Derek Cowley:
I'll take care of it, ok! You shouldn't have gotten involved in this in the first place. This is a family matter.

Samantha 'Sam' Marche:
No, Derek. Don't face him alone, ok? You're gonna need my help.

Derek Cowley:
Your help? Well, I'll tell you what. I'll give you a call if we need someone to f*** him to death. [Sam smacks him]

Mitchell Toblat:
What the hell are you doing? You don't answer my phone.

Derek Cowley:
This is NOT your phone, this is Charlie's and- what did you do to him?

Mitchell Toblat:
What the hell are you talking about?

Derek Cowley:
Stop it! I already saw the report, ok?

Mitchell Toblat:
You saw a report. And?

Derek Cowley:
You killed my friends, you killed my father, and now you killed uncle Charlie?

Mitchell Toblat:
One inconclusive DNA report and now I'm a murderer?

Derek Cowley:
No, you're worse. You're a monster, and you know it!

Mitchell Toblat:
Is a lion a monster? Hm? Is a bear?

Derek Cowley:
Bull-sh*t! You sadistically hunted those kids down one by one and butchered them.

Mitchell Toblat:
You're right, kid. I did. But that was your fault. I have a cabin so I can go isolate myself so I can't hurt anyone, that's why no one is allowed up there. But you brought them right to me. You brought them right to them, kid.

Derek Cowley:
What about my father? And uncle Charlie, huh? What's your excuse for that.

Mitchell Toblat:
[to Sam, who he has against her will] Let's go to the cabin and get into a little beastiality, whadda ya say?

Derek Cowley:
[Calls Sam] Hey, Sam...

Mitchell Toblat:
Kid, I'm only gonna say this once, so listen up. Your slut girlfriend? She'll be at the cabin tonight. If you're not there, she dies. Come alone, or she'll end up like your frat friends.

Mitchell Toblat:
[In his wolf form. Kicks a head out the door] GGGOOOAAALLL!

Samantha 'Sam' Marche:
How did you get here?

Derek Cowley:
Your bike.

Samantha 'Sam' Marche:
The wonders never cease.

Mitchell Toblat:
Little pigs, little pigs, let me in.

Samantha 'Sam' Marche:
Go f*** yourself!

Derek Cowley:
What if we get to the motorcycle? I mean, then what? We just keep running and hiding? This has to end tonight, Sam. This has to end right now.

Samantha 'Sam' Marche:
Oh, yeah, Derek. If we stay here any longer, it is gonna end.

Derek Cowley:
No, I mean it, Sam.

Samantha 'Sam' Marche:
Who would've thought? Derek cowley, fearless werewolf killer?

Derek Cowley:
Fearless? I'm scared shitless.

Mitchell Toblat:
We could've had such fun together. But you really piss me off!

Mitchell Toblat:
[after he bit Derek] My curse is now your curse.

Derek Cowley:
I can't believe after all the, all the sh*t we've been through, after all this, it's, it's just for me to end up just like him.

Samantha 'Sam' Marche:
No. You don't know that. Look, whatever happens, we'll get through it. Together