Blood Drips Heavily on Newsies Square

Dee Caspary:
I don't wanna die at a young age!

Ivan Dudynsky:
Man, where's my... where is my porno magazines? Ah, up here! [opens cabinet above him] No. [looks under couch] No... sh*t, it ain't here. What's that f***in' music? [scratches chest] Ah, in the bathroom! Of course! [opens bathroom door and looks inside] Let's see... no. [closes bathroom door] Damn!

Max Casella:
Son of a b*tch bastard! I'll break his ivory dome that cock sucka!

Kenny Ortega:
Who the f*** are you? Who the f***... oh yeah, yeah, I know you... You're the guy who's last big movie was playing a fish in a cartoon, get the f*** outta here. Go on, get the f*** outta here. [leaves, then turns back around when realizing he's being followed; hits the camera] Get the f*** outta here! [hits the camera] Get outta here, you f***!

Fire Marshall:
You say you wanna build a bomb, eh? So, whaddya got in mind soldier boy?

Kenny Ortega:
Has anybody seen Trey?

Max Casella:
Fugget about Trey, where's my f***in' chair?

Don Knotts:
I've got your f***in' chair, b*tch! Why don't come find it? Stupid f***ing heavy thing...

Don Knotts:
Wait a second. Hey! Aren't you dead yet?

Michael A. Goorjian:
No.

Don Knotts:
Goddammit!

Don Knotts:
[Breathes heavily] Stalking's a little harder than I expected.

Don Knotts:
Are you dead yet?

Michael A. Goorjian:
No.

Don Knotts:
Sh*t! Sh*t, sh*t, sh*t!

Don Knotts:
Okay, it's been an hour. Are you dead yet?

Michael A. Goorjian:
No.

Don Knotts:
GodDAMMIT!

Max Casella:
Hey, wait a minute. Aren't you that bad actor, Don Knotts?

Don Knotts:
F*** the piggies!

Trey Parker:
I was supposed ta meet 'em at da traila. I wonder where Ivan is. Oh well...

Don Knotts:
He's dead, f***er, and you're next!

Max Casella:
[narrating] From the director of the Rodney King Beatings, comes the excruciatingly horror tale of a man, pushed to the edge of destiny. Torn between right and wrong, morals and ethics, fiction and reality, creation and destruction, up or down, right or left, stop or go, yes or no, spit or swallow! [door at top of stairs swings open revealing an outside rooftop; a man stands over looking at the Universal Studios Newsie backlot] A man! Strangled with humiliation, self pity and insanity, confronted fear itself, and laughed in it's face. This man, driven forth to the Universal Studios set, with a need so tremensly filled with passion and desire, he would stop at no length to accomplish his task!

Michael A. Goorjian:
Wh-who's there?

Don Knotts:
Telegram!

Michael A. Goorjian:
Telegram? I don't want a telegram! Go away!

Michael A. Goorjian:
[Knock on door] Who is it?

Don Knotts:
Flowers!

Michael A. Goorjian:
Flowers? I don't want any flowers, go away!

Michael A. Goorjian:
[Knock on door] Who is it?

Don Knotts:
Landshark!

Michael A. Goorjian:
What?

Don Knotts:
...A.D.!

Michael A. Goorjian:
Oh! You're an A.D.?

Don Knotts:
Oh, yeah!

Fire Marshall:
You're cookin' Newsies!

Max Casella:
Fuhget about Trey, where's my f***ing chair?

Christian Bale:
[folding his paper up upon seeing Max] So, have you seen it?

Max Casella:
[angrily as he takes a seat on the sidewalk] Seen what?

Christian Bale:
The chair.

Max Casella:
Where the hell is it? I been lookin' all ova for it!

Christian Bale:
[points to the top of the World Building] Well... it's up there, 'innit?

Max Casella:
[stands up and looks carefully at the World Building] How'd it get all the way up there? [turns to Christian and points] I'm gonna go get it... [saunters off]

"And remember, don't drop the soap around Uncle Phil!"

"Are you one of Bill's people?"