Breakfast of Imbeciles

Dick:
Let's gather up the reprobates and get this decline of mentality in gear.

Baio:
Dumbing down the world is a calling, it's a way of life like entering the church.

Baio:
So uh, what can you do?

Dick:
I don't know. I guess I'll just have to wing it. I mean I really really like her but I've never been in a situation like this before you know.

Baio:
You mean not in a situation where you weren't paying.

Dick:
Yeah f*** you funny guy. I'm just saying that I don't know how to act in a situation like this, ya know? And don't give me none of that just be natural bullshit cause that sh*t don't fly. This isn't an episode of Friends f***er!

Baio:
Okay dick this is just a little social outing. No big f***ing deal.

Dick:
It is a big deal man. I'm turning 30 in a few months. I haven't even gotten a f***ing blowj*b yet or a hand job. Never mind a full on f***. It's been a self service existence so far and I need full service, ya know what I'm saying? I mean there was this stripper one time but she was a little too extreme . She wanted me to lick her a**hole and sh*t. Alittle too much for a beginner.

Baio:
Perhaps, but on the other hand you can sh*t or get off my pot motherf***er. I mean we've heard this sh*t 1313 different f***ing ways. I mean get on with it or shut the f*** up about it.

Dick:
I'm just shy dude

Baio:
No more of your fairy stories alright. I've got my own f***ing worries today.

Michael Tiberius Bucket:
Dude relax. I'm not the man. I'm an attorney.

Dee Dee Foster:
Do attornies like VCRs?

Dick:
Man I'm afraid that the next time I step in this car it's going to explode and kill us all.

Baio:
I don't see you driving any f***ing car DICK! I just hear you talking about your f***ing dick but NO I've got this f***ing car to deal with and this f***ing dick and this f***ing car won't f***ing work right. Get the f*** going. Goddamn this f***ing car!

Cindy Woo:
Come back in fifteen minutes I'm going on break.

Michael Tiberius Bucket:
I'm hear on business not pleasure although I uh...

Cindy Woo:
Make it snappy I've got to wash that man right out of my mouth.

Michael Tiberius Bucket:
I understand. I'm an attorney.

Teenager:
Dude can I bum a smoke off you?

Earl Ash:
No it's my last one. [as he unwraps a fresh package of cigarettes]

Teenager:
Very funny d*ckhead.

Earl Ash:
Just my public service for the youth of today.

Michael Tiberius Bucket:
Which one of you X file rejects is Kevin Raimi?

Kevin Raimi:
Right here Machacho.

Michael Tiberius Bucket:
Well don't let any Hershey squirts go in your wonder woman underroos but the conspiracy theory is about to come crashing down all around you.

Kevin Raimi:
What?

Michael Tiberius Bucket:
Just kidding Fox. I'm from the law firm of Bucket Slugworth and gloop. I'm Bucket.

Kevin Raimi:
Let me guess. First name Charlie?

Donna Waters:
Guess I've gotta get my sh*t together.

Billy the Kid:
Mommy I'm hungry

Donna Waters:
I'm just making coffee

Billy the Kid:
I don't like coffee

Donna Waters:
Well I'm not sure I like you so I am quite sure I don't give a sh*t.

Billy the Kid:
Please Mommy

Donna Waters:
Shut up shut up. My life is quite likely about to change for the better and you ain't invited so I guess you're more of hindrance than help. In fact you're more of an obstacle in my life than a helper. In fact you're more of a piece of sh*t I wish I could flush than a child that I want to love.

Billy the Kid:
But Mommy I love you

Donna Waters:
Too bad so sad.

Billy the Kid:
[through tears] Mommy please gives me something to eat.

Donna Waters:
[Screams] How about a knuckle Sandwich. [She punches her child who falls to the floor whimpering and cowering from her]

Donna Waters:
How'd that taste you little tit muncher? [Donna kicks the cowering child. The child passes out]

Cindy Woo:
I've tasted better.

Sally Thorn:
Cool, this is so cool. Thanks for inviting me dick

Dick:
The pleasure is all mine.

Baio:
And that's why these things never work out Dick. The pleasure should be a mutual experience you greedy prick. What's good for the goose is extremely good for the Gander. Use that bullshit chivalry where it counts. Do unto her as you would have her do unto you. Reciprocate unless you want to masturbate. Reciprocate RECIPROCATE!

Dick:
What the f*** are you babbling about?

Sally Thorn:
yeah what the hell was all that dribble about.

Baio:
I don't know, I'm just trying to keep my mind off this f***ing autistic automobile.

Earl Ash:
F*** I hate drummers!