Cartoon Planet

Brak:
I forget how to be mean, that radiation half-lobotomized me.

Space Ghost:
Say, I've got an idea. Let Zorak teach you how to be mean.

Zorak:
Oh, man! Do I hafta?

Space Ghost:
Yes, you hafta.

Zorak:
Okay Brak. Repeat after me. Space Ghost! I will destroy you!

Brak:
Space Ghost! I will destroy you... if you don't mind.

Brak:
Here's a letter for me you know how I know that? Cause it starts out Dear Brak!

[referring to coffee]

Space Ghost:
How much were you drinking?

Brak:
Oooh, about 20 or 40 gallons a day.

Brak:
Maybe I should tie a string around my finger to remind myself to write a little note, to remind myself to write a little note, to remind myself to write a little note!

Zorak:
Brak, have you ever had a girlfriend?

Brak:
Uh well, I had an imaginary girlfriend. No wait, I had a couple, I had 5 or 7! No, I had 4... 2 imaginary girlfriends, and all those imaginary girlfriends were after me buddy!

Brak:
Hey, I know this guy... and he's, that kinda guy! Well once he... and then he... Space Ghost do you know this guy?

Brak:
It's merely symptomatic of our post-modern ennui. There are no absolutes, and thus you perceive our world as meaningless, when it's really your own freedom you detest! I like pork!

Zorak:
Brak, tell me you didn't eat my sandwich.

Brak:
Okay, I didn't eat your sandwich.

Zorak:
But you did, didn't you?

Brak:
Yes.

Zorak:
Even though it was in a brown paper bag with big letters on the side. Z-O-R-A-K. Do you know what that spells?

Brak:
Umm, there'sayummychickensandwhichinhereandyouneedtoeatit?

Brak:
Hey, Zorak, was that your chicken sandwich in the refrigerator?

Zorak:
Yes, why do you ask?

Brak:
Because I ate it.

Zorak:
No you didn't...

Brak:
Yes I did.

Zorak:
Even though it was in a brown paper bag with the letters 'Z-O-R-A-K' on the sides. Do you know what that spells?

Brak:
Ummmm... there's a yummy chicken sandwich in here and you need to eat it? [Zorak screams] Well I wouldn't have eaten it if I knew it was yours! I thought it was Space Ghost's!

Space Ghost:
And it would have been perfectly fine to eat my chicken sandwich?

Brak:
Yours was a ham sandwich.

Space Ghost:
How do you know that?

Brak:
Because I ate that too!

Space Ghost:
Well now what are Zorak and I going to have for lunch?

Brak:
Why don't you order a pizza?

Space Ghost:
They won't deliver here anymore... maybe because they don't like being bitten!

Brak:
Hey that guy bit me first!

Space Ghost:
Whatever!

Brak:
Well, I guess this is one of those bad news/good news situations. The bad news is that your guys' sandwiches got eaten, and the good news is... I'm not hungry anymore! [Laughs] Mostly... well, maybe I'm just a little bit hungry.

Brak:
[pause] I guess I'll just go and eat my own sandwich.

Zorak:
Lets get him!

Brak:
Aaaawwww boy! You guys get away from my olive loaf!

[singing, to Zorak, to the tune of "Bad Boys"]

Space Ghost:
Bad bug, bad bug / Whatcha gonna do / Whatcha gonna do when the Ghost zaps you? / Bad bug, bad bug / Whatcha gonna do / Whatcha gonna do when you're barbecue?

[Fries Zorak with a beam weapon]

Brak:
Welcome to Cartoon Planet, everybody! My name is Brak. I am the star of the show. I know it, you know it, I know it, you know it, I know it, you know it...

Space Ghost:
Hey!

Brak:
What?

Space Ghost:
Here's the deal, Brak. I'm the boss. You're nothing. Get it?

Brak:
Big deal. Boss of nothing.

Space Ghost:
What?

Brak:
Never mind.

Space Ghost:
You got me there Brak. I always tell the truth!

Zorak:
LIAR!

Brak:
I used to be temporarily insane, now I'm just stupid!

[Space Ghost ate Brak's chocolate bunnies]

Brak:
You big zit-covered, bunny-eating FREAK!

Space Ghost:
Look at me! I have a big head! My head is huge! What do you think, Zorak?

Zorak:
Big head! Big head! Big *fat* head!

Space Ghost:
I have a big head! I'm having a big head day! How's your big head day, kids?

Zorak:
Big fat head day!

Space Ghost:
Shut up, bug.

Space Ghost:
I'm an ordinary guy, except I can fly, and sometimes, I'm invisible. All day long, I'm just right and wrong, and making evil villains miserable.

Zorak:
Boy, you can say that again.

Space Ghost:
I love making evil villains miserable!

Zorak:
Of all the cartoon shows in all the Universe, I get stuck on this one!

Space Ghost:
Zorak, what's wrong?

Zorak:
The TV... I've been hypnotized by... the TV.

Space Ghost:
Really?

Zorak:
Yes... the TV... must watch more of the TV.

Space Ghost:
And you should too, kids! TV is good for you. It gave me a job and helped me put food in the mouths of my two kids, Eugene and Doris, and my darling wife, Charlene.

Zorak:
Eugene and Doris? Ha ha ha ha ha! You geek!

Space Ghost:
Oh, what's in a name?

Brak:
Nobody wants to visit me in my little cloud... I don't know why. Maybe "cuz I'm cutting" muffins.

Space Ghost:
I got a doodle in my noodle, and his name is Minky Boodle.

Zorak:
Minky Boodle!

Brak:
Minky Boodle!

Zorak:
Minky Boodle!

Brak:
Minky Boodle!

Space Ghost:
I got my mojo rising. There's a poodle in my stroodle.

Zorak:
Minky Boodle!

Brak:
Minky Boodle!

Zorak:
Minky Boodle!

Brak:
Minky Boodle!

Space Ghost:
[humming]

Zorak:
Oh... I'm sick of this.

Brak:
Minky Boodle!

Zorak:
Shut up, Brak!

Brak:
Oh!

Space Ghost:
I got a doodle in my noodle, and his name is Minky Boodle.

Zorak:
Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! Stop it!...

Brak:
Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! Stop it!...

Space Ghost:
How beautiful! Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! Stop it!

Brak:
One time, I hired a monkey to take notes for me in class. I would just sit back with my mind completely blank while the monkey scribbled on little pieces of paper. At the end of the week, the teacher said, "Class, I want you to write a paper using your notes." So I wrote a paper that said, "Hello! My name is Bingo! I like to climb on things! Can I have a banana? Eek, eek!" I got an F. When I told my mom about it, she said, "I told you, never trust a monkey!"

Brak:
You know? Love is a happy time all throughout the Universe. It's when a male part of the species goes to the female part of the species and says, "Hey, do you wanna go on a date?" And then she would say, "Why, yes, I'd like to go on a date," if you're lucky. And then, they'd go to a restaurant, and she gets something called a salad, and then he gets a big piece of beef that he eats. And that, to me, ladies and gentlemen... is love. Kinda makes you cry, doesn't it?

Brak:
[singing] This is the song that doesn't end / It just goes on and on, my friends / Some people started singing it not knowing what it was / And they'll just keep on singing it forever just because / This is the song that never ends / It just goes on and on, my friends.

Zorak:
Brak!

Brak:
What?

Zorak:
Stop singing that stupid song!

Brak:
I can't stop it! It's the song that never ends! [continues singing] Some people started singing it not knowing what it was / And they'll just keep on singing it forever just because.

Zorak:
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! Stop it!

Brak:
What? It just ended.

Zorak:
The life of a rodeo clown, is such an interesting life. I should know, for I am a rodeo clown.

Space Ghost:
Oh, you are not!

Zorak:
I am too.

Space Ghost:
You are not!

Zorak:
Well, I want to be a rodeo clown.

Space Ghost:
That doesn't count.

Space Ghost:
Well, that was certainly enjoyable, wasn't it, Brak?

Brak:
Is it hot in here, or am I sweating?

Zorak:
Once upon a midnight clammy, I was playing poker with Gandorf and Sammy. Gandorf had dealt me jacksons and fives, when I heard a tapping at my window on high. I climbed to the attic, so dreary and black; and who should I see there tapping, but Brak!

Brak:
I had a bad dream, I can't get back to sleep! It had a big fat bird in it, he gave me the creeps! The bird kept saying; "Nevermore, nevermore, nevermore, hey nevermore, nevermore, nevermore, nevermore, nevermore, nevermore, nevermore..."

Zorak:
Alright, alright already! Alright! Ugh. I let Brak in the window, and we went downstairs. Gandorf and Sammy were asleep in their chairs. We turned on the TV, and watched "Coast to Coast", the show that has a meatball for a host! Muahahahahaha!

Brak:
Ahahahaha, haha you said meatball! Hahahaha!