Dancing with the Stars

Himself - Judge:
[the judges deliver their verdicts on a Rumba danced by Matt Shirvington and Natalie Lowe] I think if you two aren't already having an affair, you probably should.

Matt Shirvington:
My wife's in the audience.

Herself - Co-Host:
[interviewing Katrina Warren after she and Csaba Szirmai have danced to "Hound Dog"] Trying to tell us something?

Katrina Warren:
The whole animal-vet thing, I think.

Herself - Co-Host:
No, you're a dog.

Herself - Co-Host:
[interviewing Tom Williams after his freestyle dance with Kym Johnson] Two words for you, Tommy: Hello, breakfast.

Herself - Co-Host:
Well, I don't think Chong's Spanish. I don't even think he's legal.

Sonia Kruger:
I've made up a little poem: Wirra, Wirra on the wall, who's the fairest judge of all?

Daniel MacPherson:
The first dance tonight is the Rumba, and before Wirra and Liza kick off the show, Helen, the beautiful Helen Richey, what do we expect to see from the Rumba?

Helen Richey:
Well it's the dance of seduction, Daniel, and if you come here darling, I'll show you.

Daniel MacPherson:
Now it would be fair to say that not much fases Rob Palmer. The TV tradie is so laid back that his name could be Jason Recliner.

Sonia Kruger:
Nick Giannopoulos called. He wants his hair back.

George Houvardas:
I got this off his back.

Helen Richey:
[to Rob Palmer after he and Alana Patience dance the Tango] Yeah, you were doing great, Rob. I've love to wrap you up and take you home except I don't think there'd be enough paper.

Joshua Horner:
[Delivering his verdict on a Cha Cha danced by Brynne Edelsten and Arsen Kishishian] You looked like a bedazzled sack of potatoes.

Helen Richey:
[to Nick Bracks after he and Jessica Raffa dance the Rumba] I just think that is disgraceful, taking your shirt off, and if you think I'm going to give you an extra mark for that, you're absolutely [pause] right.

Joshua Horner:
[Delivering his verdict on a Tango danced by Haley Bracken and Aric Yegudkin] That routine had bite to it, and I feel like I've been bitten.

[repeated line]

Todd McKenney:
What dance training have you had?

Helen Richey:
[Discussing the choice of the song Closer To The Edge for an instant dance by Damien Leith and Melanie Hooper] That wasn't the best choice of a Paso Doble music really, do you agree?

Todd McKenney:
I'm not... Are you judging me?

Helen Richey:
[Commenting on her observation from the video package that Caine Eckstein considered the rotary hip movements that Jessica Prince was trying to teach him were "too girlie"] Some of the most famous artists ever have moved their hips, Elvis for one, and if you don't know who that is, ask your mum.

Joshua Horner:
[Delivering his verdict on a Jive danced by Jessica Watson and Damien Samuel] Last week I nicknamed you Bambi. Oh dear.

Joshua Horner:
[Delivering his verdict on a Tango danced by Brian Mannix and Melanie Hooper] That routine was shocking for all the right reasons.

Daniel MacPherson:
How did you go this week, mate?

Brian Mannix:
I reckon I went about as well as Meat Loaf did at the MCG last year.

Daniel MacPherson:
[the men have just danced their team Cha Cha] Well done. Brian, did you enjoy that, mate?

Brian Mannix:
That's a world first.

Daniel MacPherson:
Which bit?

Brian Mannix:
Nobody has ever done a three-girl lift in the world before ever.

Melanie Brown:
[Interviewing the men after their team Cha Cha] I like the new little boy band kind of thing going on, I quite like it.

Johnny Ruffo:
We're a new boy band called No Direction.

Todd McKenney:
[Delivering his verdict on a Salsa danced by Jessica Watson, who received an Order of Australia Medal during the week, and Damien Samuel] Congratulations on the OAM, but it wasn't for services to Salsa.

Herself - Co-Host:
[To Jennifer Hawkins] You are a weapon of mass seduction.

Ian 'Molly' Meldrum:
[Speaking about Alana, his dance partner] Thank God her surname is Patience, because she needs a lot of it with me.

Himself - Judge:
[Talking about Kate Langbroek on radio before the series] If she lasts more than two weeks, I'll eat her dress. And that's going to be quite a lot of dress if you know what I'm saying.

Herself - Judge:
[To Kostya Tszyu] If I say anything to upset you, you can hit Todd.

Himself - Judge:
[Commenting on Molly and Alana's dance] Not many cha-chas died in the making of that cha-cha routine.

Himself - Host:
If you want to vote for Kostya, it won't cost ya much.

Herself - Judge:
[Delivering her verdict on Molly and Alana dancing the Quickstep to "Walk Like An Egyptian"] You are priceless. I think we'll have you wrapped up and mummified.

Himself - Host:
[Introducing Sonia Kruger] Is it a bird? Is it a plane? This bird's certainly not plain.

Himself - Host:
Grant, even you look gorgeous.

Grant Denyer:
Thank you very much. I'm a big fan of Don Johnson.

Herself - Judge:
[Delivering her verdict on a Samba that Grant and Amanda danced to the song "Living La Vida Loca"] Well, you've got a better smile than Ricky Martin, that's for sure.

Himself - Judge:
[Commenting on Andrew Gaze's costume] Andrew, you look like an angry Wiggle.

Himself - Judge:
[commenting on the couples' costumes for the West Coast Swing] They look like The Wiggles and their wives.

Herself - Judge:
[delivering her verdict on the West Coast Swing formation dance] They weren't always together, it is supposed to be a team thing, but actually Andrew and Kouta should be good at that because you play in teams, so you would have perhaps more awareness of it.

Himself - Host:
It's a long bow, Helen, but I think you've fired it well.

Himself - Judge:
I'll be honest, before yesterday I thought West Coast Swing was a club in Perth for curious couples.

Himself - Judge:
I know it's supposed to be in time, and some of you were so out of time you could have been dancing in series four.

Announcer:
The judges will reveal their scores. Todd McWoodie. [Todd McKenney gives his score for Todd Woodbridge]

Himself - Host:
We have an Oscar-themed show. We've got our own Dreamgirls, we have Happy Feet.

Herself - Co-Host:
[chuckles] And at the end of tonight's show, one of our couples will be The Departed.

Himself - Host:
Yes, they should just look upon it as An Inconvenient Truth [Sonia chuckles] , and who knows, when they leave the show, they could end up being The Queen or The Last King Of Scotland. [yells] We got them all in, yes!

Himself - Host:
We're in for a lot of fun, so let's give you ten green couples, 'cause it's early in the series, ten green couples coming down the stairs.

Todd McKenney:
[after Fifi Box, Kate Ceberano, Tatiana Grigorieva and their partners perform their disco dance] It's going to be hard to mark, I've never scored in a disco before.

Sonia Kruger:
[commenting on a wig worn by John-Paul Collins in the male celebrities' and their female partners' disco dance] Willie Mason called. He says he wants his hair back.

Sonia Kruger:
[Introducing Tatiana Grigorieva] She might be Russian, but she's in no hurry to leave the show.

Daryl Somers:
[Before Fifi Box dances the Foxtrot] Fifi Box gets to dance with a beefy fox.

Herself - Judge:
[referring to a tumble taken by Fifi Box and Paul Green on the stairs during a pre-show rehearsal] If you're going to go down, always take your partner with you.

Todd McKenney:
[delivering his verdict on the Cha Cha danced by Anh Do and Luda Kroitor to the song Kung Fu Fighting] I just loved the whole concept of an American song about a Chinese martial art danced by a Vietnamese Australian. It's like we were on SBS or something.

Daryl Somers:
[to the judges] We're looking for some good figures from you lot tonight too, and as usual, Helen, you've got the best one.

Sonia Kruger:
[introducing Corinne Grant] Well, we needed a grant to do this show, and we got one.

Daryl Somers:
[to Michael Klim] How do you make a champion out of this man? Just add water.

Daryl Somers:
[to Anh Do] We were doing this show a few weeks ago, the producers said, "let's go out for a little Vietnamese", and they came back with you.

Daryl Somers:
You're doing Kung Fu Fighting, which I thought naturally is probably because you've got martial arts background in your family.

Anh Do:
I don't know any karate at all, but the Do family has got a few people like my uncle Ju Do. [Luda chuckles]

Daryl Somers:
Oh yeah, yeah.

Anh Do:
My brother Tae Kwon Do, he's pretty good.

Daryl Somers:
Yes. And you of course would be the...

Anh Do:
I'd be Weir Do.

Todd McKenney:
[Delivering his verdict on the Jive danced by Michael Klim and Eliza Campagna] I watched it with one eye to try and halve the agony.

Sonia Kruger:
[Referring to Patti Newton and Sandro Catalano's dance from last week while interviewing them in the green room] I don't want to harp on the McDonalds thing, but you do know how to flip a Patti.

Todd McKenney:
[while delivering his verdict on a Paso Doble danced by Bridie Carter and Craig Monley] I hoped you were going to do the Waltz so we could have the Bridie Waltz.

Daryl Somers:
We have seven remaining couples, we lost Elka.

Sonia Kruger:
We did.

Daryl Somers:
So no Latin for her tonight, no Elka Salsa tonight from her.

Daryl Somers:
[Introducing Jessica Rowe and Serghei Bolgarschii] It's the United Nations, with an Australian and a Russian doing a Brazilian.

Mark Wilson:
[Delivering his verdict on a Rumba danced by James Courtney and Olya Bourtasova] I hope we see you next week, because for me, I was looking for a Week 5 performance, but I got a weak performance from you.

Sonia Kruger:
[Introducing Bridie Carter and Craig Monley] She topped the leaderboard by playing a gypsy. What will fortune tell her tonight?

Todd McKenney:
[while delivering his verdict on a Waltz danced by Bridie Carter and Craig Monley] Bridie Waltz. Finally, I get to say that.

Andrew Peters:
[before the judges reveal their scores for a Tango danced by David Hobson, who had lost his voice during the week, and Karina Schembri] Ladies and gentlemen, silence may be golden, but will the judges' scores be?

Daryl Somers:
[to Mark Beretta] You've come from Bahrain with its sandy deserts to the Melbourne Cup with Sandy Roberts.

Himself - Host:
[Introducing Luke Jacobz] Last week, he was called the smiling assassin. Will there be murder on the dance floor tonight?

Herself - Co-host:
I haven't been this excited since Todd McKenney offered to be the father of my child.

Himself - Judge:
[to Gerrard Gosens and Jessica Raffa] I just want to say it's a classic case of the blond leading the blind.

Himself - Judge:
[to Gerrard Gosens] Truly I'd like to give you 100 out of 10.

Himself - Host:
Coming up next, it's hard working comedian Fiona O'Loughlin, who gets hip to a pop favourite, and let's hope she doesn't pop a hip.

Himself - Judge:
[to Kylie Gillies] You found your inner pole dancer, and he's not a bad looking Pole either.

Himself - Judge:
If you were red hot to start with, you ended up Matt White.

Herself - Co-host:
I'm a little bit sort of...

Himself - Host:
Foxy.

Herself - Co-host:
And you're a jive talker.

Himself - Host:
You said you wanted to cut loose this week. Did you?

Matthew White:
Well, I got cut up pretty bad this week, Ash kept beating me up, but I survived the Jive and I'm alive.

Todd McKenney:
[Talking about Rob Palmer] Before the show, he said "I think you're gonna see a little bit of yourself in my Samba", but not which bit.

Melanie Brown:
[Interviewing Brian Mannix in the green room, also known as the "spice rack", after he and Melanie Hooper dance the Cha Cha] Now Todd was a little bit harsh on you, wasn't he, don't you think? Have you got anything to say to him right now?

Brian Mannix:
The judges know what they're talking about, they're here to judge, who would I be to question their judgement? They're doing a great job.

Melanie Brown:
Listen, be real, you can say whatever you want right now.

Brian Mannix:
I can't believe what they said, I thought we were great, it's absolutely wrong.

Melanie Brown:
[yelling] Judges' scores, quick!

Todd McKenney:
[Delivering his verdict on a Cha-Cha danced by Brian Mannix, who revealed in the rehearsal highlights that he was wearing a cigarette patch, and Melanie Hooper to the song "Moves Like Jagger"] If the patches are doing it, I want one. I think I want to learn that dance, whatever it was. I don't know whose moves you had, I'm pretty sure they weren't Jagger's. I just think it's entertaining, like really entertaining. I don't totally agree with Josh. I think one of the good things about that performance was [pause] it ended.

Joshua Horner:
[Delivering his verdict on a Viennese Waltz danced by Danielle Spencer and Damian Whitewood] I'll keep it very short because these guys have said it all, but I'm an asthmatic and that was breathtaking.

Todd McKenney:
[Delivering his verdict on an Argentine Tango danced by Johnny Ruffo and Luda Kroitor] I know why they call you Johnny Ruffo. The whole routine was a bit rough.

Dame Edna Everage:
We were both in the Spice Girls movie together, do you remember that?

Melanie Brown:
Yes.

Dame Edna Everage:
We're the only people who remember that movie.

Todd McKenney:
[the last judge to deliver his verdict on a Waltz danced by Matt Cooper and Masha Belash] For the first time in my life, I don't have anything to add, but I will say this.

Todd McKenney:
[Delivering his verdict on a Paso Doble danced by Brian Mannix and Melanie Hooper] Brian, if I was a bull and you walked into a ring to try and kill me, I don't think you'd have to because I'd die laughing.

Helen Richey:
[Delivering her verdict on a Paso Doble danced by Brian Mannix and Melanie Hooper] Yeah, the cape thing, like the man, that's the man's job, the matador's job, was it too heavy, darling?

Brian Mannix:
I believe in equal opportunity, Helen, and her ways were the best.

Helen Richey:
Look, the Paso Doble is all about creating a believable picture.

Brian Mannix:
Really?

Helen Richey:
[laughs] Ah, oh God, I don't know where to go with that. Look, do you know what, you really tried, you really, really tried. If I was playing the part of a bull, I'd look at you and think, "Yum!"

Todd McKenney:
I'm sure there's a lot of people at home doing just that.

Helen Richey:
[Delivering her verdict on a Salsa danced by Matt Cooper and Masha Belash] I'm so glad I'm not dead yet.

Himself - Judge:
[Delivering his verdict on a Quickstep danced by Kostya Tszyu and Luda Kroitor] I didn't like that much. I liked it a lot.

Himself - Host:
Who will be on top at the end of the night - Toby or not Toby?

Himself - Host:
You are an icon, a trooper, a stalwart of the industry.

Noeline Brown:
What kind of wart?

Himself - Host:
A stalwart, not that you have warts. I'm heading in the wrong territory.

Herself - Co-Host:
Come here, you little hottie

Noeline Brown:
The hottie. Yes, I'm quite warm as a matter of fact.

Herself - Co-Host:
Well, you look stunning tonight. All the girls are saying "We love Noeline with her hair up."

Noeline Brown:
OK... Not a lot of it.

Himself - Judge:
[Delivering his verdict on an American Smooth danced by Grant Denyer and Amanda Garner] That was so smooth and cheesy, it could have been brought to you by Kraft.

Andrew Peters:
Dancing the Argentine Tangle... Tango, please welcome Kate Ceberano and her partner John-Paul Collins to the floor.

Andrew Peters:
[after Sonia talks about how Anh Do has lost weight] Oh, by the way, Anh, I found your twelve kilos.

Kate Ceberano:
I've had a couple of wardrobe malfunctions, but it hasn't been the wardrobe that has malfunctioned.

Helen Richey:
[Delivering her verdict on a Jazz danced by Mark Holden and Jessica Prince] I've got some good news and some bad news, and the bad news is there isn't any good news.