Desperation

Tak (voice):
Tak commands you to stop!

John Edward Marinville:
Donald Rumsfeld commands me to stop. Adam Sandler commands me to stop. Ann Coulter commands me to stop.

Collie Entragian:
[looking at Peter's license] I see you're an organ donor.

[smiles]

Collie Entragian:
Are you sure that's wise?

Peter Jackson:
Where is everybody?

Collie Entragian:
Disneyland. [starts walking] Come on, walk, Hayfoot. [to Mary] Strawfoot. [stops walking] You're Peter. And you're Mary. So where's Paul? I mean, how can you sing "Puff the Magic Dragon" without Paul? [starts walking, then stops again] Wait a minute... Peter Jackson? I LOVE "Lord of the Rings"! [pause] You are useless. [to Mary] You at least look healthy.

Ralph Carver:
Haven't you done enough to us?

Collie Entragian:
In a word... no.

David Carver:
Don't hurt her!

Collie Entragian:
Son, I will put a stick through your mother, and spin her around til she catches fire, if I so desire! And you cannot stop me, and I'll come back for you!

Mary Jackson:
Officer, you saw our registration, you know that isn't our car, and it's not our dope either. Do you think we'd be so stupid?

Collie Entragian:
Shut up, you New York deviant.

Mary Jackson:
What... What did... What did you call me?

Collie Entragian:
I'm arresting you for possession of marijuana with intent to sale.

Peter Jackson:
You can't be serious.

Collie Entragian:
You have the right to remain silent. If you choose to not be silent, everything you say can be held against you in a court of law. You have the right to an attorney. I am going to kill you. If you cannot afford an attorney, one will be provided for you. Do you understand your rights as I explained them to you?

[Peter and Mary are confused and don't know what to say]

Collie Entragian:
Do you understand your rights?

Peter Jackson:
[to Mary, whispering] Just... Act normally, I don't think he understands what he just said.

Collie Entragian:
[shouting] Do you understand your rights? Do you or not? Answer me, you smart-aleck blue state unisex swingles! Do you or not? Do you or not?

Peter Jackson:
Yes! Yes, we understand. Please, just... Watch the road.

Collie Entragian:
Don't worry about me, I got eyes in the back of my head. You do well to remember that.

Collie Entragian:
Don't worry about me. I've got eyes in the back of my head. You'll do well to remember that.

John Edward Marinville:
Why don't you pray?

David Carver:
I can't. Right now I'm too pissed.

John Edward Marinville:
At God?

David Carver:
At Santa Claus.

Steve Ames:
Stay here.

Cynthia Smith:
Yeah right! Eat me, said the cake to Alice!

Cynthia Smith:
Are you a nice person?

Steve Ames:
Well, uh, I like to think so. But then again, if I was Ted Bundy, do you think I'd tell you?

Cynthia Smith:
Are you going to smoke that or gum it to death?

Steve Ames:
Eh... I quit. I still urge to keep the practice though.

Collie Entragian:
[after finding the bag of marijuana in Johnny Marinville's motorcycle] Houston - we have a problem.

Collie Entragian:
This is Desperation. Everything out here is Can Tah and Can Tak. And don't you forget it.

[to Peter Jackson]

Collie Entragian:
I don't care if you're a Jew, a Hindu, or Mr. Magoo. In Desperation, we don't care about those things much.

[shoots him]