Diplomatic Courier

Joan Ross:
When I started this crazy tour the last thing I was looking for was a man. Why I should pick on you, I don't know. After I know you better I may not like you. But I kept thinking about you and started looking for you. I phoned all over and Tony Bennis from the Paris embassy found out for me that you has come here. Michael, it's was exactly 11:45 a few days ago when you left me. What time is it now? Check both watches.

Mike Kells:
Well, it's exactly 11:37.

Joan Ross:
Do we resume? Heaven bless 11:37. I don't.

Mike Kells:
, I'd like nothing better in the world, but right now I'm sort of... I... I... I'm... tied...

Joan Ross:
All right, I'm gonna lay my cards on the table. Michael, tell me the truth. Are you with someone?

Mike Kells:
[showing a photo of a woman] No. No, I'm chasing her. My dream girl.

Joan Ross:
Can't be helped. Can't be helped, can it? I apologize to you Michael. I'm truly sorry.

Mike Kells:
No, no, no. I'm only kidding about her. I'm only doing this for an acquaintance of a friend of mine. I promised to look her up and see about her.

Joan Ross:
Do you have to see about her tonight?

Mike Kells:
It doesn't look as though I can tonight.

Joan Ross:
[leaning in] Darling! Let's explore Triste together!

Joan Ross:
I'm with those people over there. They're much duller than you are. But they got far better manners so I have to lie like the dickens. Especially that one guy! He's the captain. He thinks he is a mate of mine. You know the kind. So I have to be nice to him. Darling, can you wait two minutes?

Mike Kells:
Yup.

Joan Ross:
Well... I hardly can. I'm going to, darling.

[Joan leans in and passionately kisses Mike. Her cleavage shows]

[scene changes to a waiter looking through some curtains at Joan and Mike. He has an astonished expression, and as he brushes his hair back with his hand his toupee falls back]

Mike Kells:
[to Janine] Well, he left in a hurry. It turned out he had an appointment to get killed. That's right, his timing was a little off. You'll be sorry to hear the car got him and not me.

Janine Betki:
You're making a great mistake Mr. Kells. Sam was my friend.

Mike Kells:
[to Janine about Sam's watch] Where did they get this? Did they take it off Sam's body? Was it part of your pay?

Janine Betki:
[to Mike] He loved you as only some brothers love.

Col. Mark Cagle:
[about Janine] She's an appealing dish no doubt. Most bad women are. One way or another, that's why they can be so successfully bad.

Col. Mark Cagle:
[about bugging Janine's apartment] I want to hear every word she says. I want to hear it when she reads.

Mike Kells:
[about Joan] No. If I'm in this, it's my own business. But she's a woman. It's lucky for her she's sore at me. I stood her up last night.

Col. Mark Cagle:
A thing like that just wets her appetite. She'll meet you at one o'clock at the Nationale.

Mike Kells:
Don't you stop at nothing?

Col. Mark Cagle:
She's an American isn't she? Let her do something for her country.

Joan Ross:
You started by arousing the mother instinct in me, and now you got the whole works worked up. And you got something stirred up.

Sgt. Ernie Guelvada:
[about Mike seeing Joan] That puts it right in the line of duty. Unnh! Some duty!

Sgt. Ernie Guelvada:
[to Mike] Take it careful brother. You bruise easy.

Mike Kells:
[to Janine] Oh no, no, no! I've been to your apartment. I don't like what happens there. Like getting slugged.

Sgt. Ernie Guelvada:
You're out of your mind going up there! You got a gun?

Mike Kells:
Ya.

Sgt. Ernie Guelvada:
A flashlight?

Mike Kells:
No.

Mike Kells:
[to Joan] Go home. Take off your spurs and go to bed.

Joan Ross:
No questions please. I'm standing on the 5th amendment.

Sgt. Ernie Guelvada:
[upon seeing Joan] The widow lady! Live and learn.

Joan Ross:
If it isn't the cavalry.

Joan Ross:
[to Mike] Well, the next time you're near Richmond, Indiana there's a little drug store there. It's practically the whole town. Well, drop in and tell them that the last time you saw me... the little girl is doing great. Just great.

Rasumny Platov:
[to Mike] So... as long you understand that if you do make it necessary, I will violate protocol with personal satisfaction.

[after escaping from a train and tumbling down a steep hillside, Mike and Janine come to rest next to each other]

Mike Kells:
You know something? This is the first time I really looked at you. Really looked at you, just as a girl.

[last lines]

Janine Betki:
And so it is.