Dirty Love

Rebecca:
It's not bubblegum, you don't chew it!

Carrie:
I was thinking about becoming a scientologist. They're always famous, you know. Is there like an audition or something? I could do a monologue from Ron L. Hubbard.

Rebecca, Michelle, Carrie:
Here's to the men that we love, here's to the men that love us. But the men that we love will never love us so f*** all that, here's to us.

Rebecca:
Here's to the men that we love... Here's to the men that love us... But then men that we love will never love us... so f*** all the men... HERE'S TO US!

Michelle:
Did you sleep with Charlie the Tuna last night or do you need to douche?

Sara:
Is it because you just don't understand the vagina? I'd be happy to draw you a chart.

Carrie:
Penis insecurity. When the penis doesn't get enough showmanship it has to remind itself that its still an almighty tool and can make any woman moan.

Rebecca:
[after realizing she needs to change her tampon] Why did the Blonde jump off a building? To she if her Maxipad had wings!

Jake:
Touch my bass, Rebecca!

Michelle:
Girl, are you crazy your big ol' titty's hangin' out.

Michelle:
You're kind of cute, for a white boy.

Tony:
You know, you're white?

Michelle:
Don't you ever call me that!

Rebecca:
Even Brad Pitt's throbbing cock couldn't make me feel better right now!

Officer Davis:
What is that, a mattress?

Rebecca:
Love is so great that it's almost unreal. I feel bad for the people who can't find it. I mean, we've all met those types who try to convince their co-workers that they're fine without it. And then you take a look at their cubicle and see heart shaped frames all over their desk with pictures of their three-legged cat named Bob.

Rebecca:
[to hookers] Hey wait! Are you guys hiring? Because no one cares about love anymore so why not just have sex and get paid for it? Oh come on! Who cares if my vagina falls off from all the diseases out ther? I'll take some open sores.

Rebecca:
Oh my God! I can not get last night out of my head. Richard! Richard and that little... wait, what was her name? Oh yeah... whore...

Madame Belly:
What do I look like, a comedian?

Carrie:
Have you seen my b*obs lately?

Rebecca:
Yeah, they're pretty.

Carrie:
Of course they are and you know why? Because I don't f***ing jog!

Rebecca:
How do I look?

Carrie:
Like a summer flower that got rained on and stung by a bee.

Michelle:
What up, Dick? Just a little warning: that ain't mud on your bed.

John:
Can I have a "I'm a complete dumbass p*ssy sundae" please?

Carrie:
Babies are sticky.

Supermarket Cashier:
Erv, can we get a price check please on the super size maxi pads for the woman who keeps bleeding all over the store?

Michelle:
[while waxing a man] You a cyclist of just play for the other team?

Rebecca:
This? It's syphillis. I caught it in prison. Wait, where you going?

Mary:
So what are you gonna do with your life now?

Rebecca:
Shoot up some heroin and become a sex slave.

Rebecca:
Ummm... there's a f***ing bird under the table.

Tom Houdini:
I hope my rabbit doesn't eat your salad.

Rebecca:
Can you send a blue f***er on the rocks to that guy in the corner?

Rebecca:
Well, my treasure is under construction right now.

Rebecca:
[to hooker] I'm joining your posse!

Rebecca:
My white pony's probably at a glue factory by now.

Michelle:
What you need to do is get your titties done like me. I might be hungry, but I look good.

Michelle:
You like that, don't you, little Cracker Boy?

Rebecca:
You can try a bunch of cheesy lines on my but why bother? What I'm telling you is no matter what you do, you're gonna get laid.

Kevin:
I don't get it.

Rebecca:
Let me give you a tip: buy yourself a mango, cut it in half, practice.

Michelle:
WORD!

Rebecca:
The hardest love to learn is that which is dark, the kind that causes the most pain. It is up to the soul to look past that dirty love and regain the beauty that illuminated so bright before... pure love.