Down and Out with Donald Duck

[Donald has become an alienated, deserted has-been due to his signature short temper]

Narrator:
It was obvious that Donald was a branded duck. This is not a pretty story, but one that must be told. Humiliated and alone, Donald crept into obscurity. It was apparent that friends of a feather had left the duck sinking in a "quack-mire". Will he pull out? Hey, this is a Disney special; of course he will!

Narrator:
The worst was yet to come. Friendless, jobless and foodless, Donald was down and out. He'd lost his fine feathered nest and was forced to move into a cheap rental. Now the superstar would have to get a real job like the rest of us.

[Donald, thanks to his temper, just can't hold a job]

Donald Duck:
What am I going to do?

Narrator:
That's the question everyone's been asking since this special began. As long as Donald's temper was out of control, he would pay the price. Now the only job he would be eligible for would be as a hunting decoy. And even Donald is not that stupid.

[Donald is driving along on a vacation to cure his temper, to the music of "Born To Be Wild" by Steppenwolf on the radio, when the music gets interrupted by a news bulletin]

Donald Duck:
[stopping the car] What goes on here?

Radio Voice #1:
And now, a special announcement: Donald Duck, that well-known actor, has left the Disney Studios and is headed for parts unknown.

Donald Duck:
[laughing] You're not kidding, buddy.

[He changes the station]

Radio Voice #2:
We turn from the White House now to a really important story, one that concerns the ingratitude of hams. Donald Duck, that ham actor, has cooked his own goose by...

Donald Duck:
[shocked; upset] Oh, yeah? Oh, yeah? Look who's calling *me* a ham!

[He changes the station again]

Radio Voice #3:
Looks as though Donald's career is at the skin. His fabulous mansion has been foreclosed. That charming actress Daisy Duck has been seen with someone else.

[Donald now is on the verge of tears; he starts sniffing]

Radio Voice #3:
Fans are dying to know how she could have stood his temper for so long. Donald, if you're listening, remember this: it only takes an eraser to rub you out.

Donald Duck:
[sobbing] But... but I'm a legend.

Narrator:
A legend fading fast, thanks to the temper that would not die.

[last lines]

Narrator:
Donald had survived the greatest challenge of his career. Never again would he lose his temper. And if you believe that, you'll believe that a duck can talk. Not all that clearly, mind you, but that's the way it is.

Ludwig Von Drake:
[trying to diagnose Donald's problems] There's one missing figure here. Hmm, let's see. What does the name Mickey Mouse mean to you?

Donald Duck:
[shocked] Mickey?

[jumps up, flashes back to "Magician Mickey"]

Donald Duck:
It's always the same terrible dream!

Narrator:
Arriving home, Donald checked for burglars, hoping to make a new friend. Finding none, he decided to check for duck breath. [Donald gargles in the bathroom]

Donald Duck:
[in a dream, running away from large chess pieces and finds a hall of open doors] What's this? [goes in one door, comes out another] Where does this go? [continues to run through them] I have a feeling we're not in Kansas anymore!

Ludwig Von Drake:
I was determined to penetrate his mental blockhead.

[laugh]

Ludwig Von Drake:
I mean block. No, come to think of it, I mean blockhead.

Donald Duck:
[after having a nightmare of seeing himself at various stages of anger] Oh, what a terrible dream! So that's how I look to everybody. No wonder nobody loves me.

Ludwig Von Drake:
[having hypnotized Donald by hitting him on the head with a mallet, knocking him out] That's my new instant-type hypnosis.

[laughs]

Ludwig Von Drake:
Years of experimentation and it works every time. Now, Mr. Duck, tell me about your relationship with your family.

Donald Duck:
I love them, but they broke my heart.

[flashes back to "Donald's Nephews"]

Donald Duck:
[talking about Huey, Dewey and Louie] They don't care about me! I know it!

Ludwig Von Drake:
Take it easy. Everybody has family troubles. Now, what about your neighbors?

Donald Duck:
My neighbors? I love my neighbors!

Ludwig Von Drake:
Lighten up, Mr. Duck.

Donald Duck:
But they're out to get me! They're all out to get me! I remember once when I was moving in the house... [flashes back to "The New Neighbor"]

[Donald's boxing career, as a way to vent his anger, is short-lived]

Narrator:
Donald was down and out for the count. It was clear that this movie mallard was no Italian Stallion. The only road to his recovery would be... rocky.

Ludwig Von Drake:
Psychoanalyzing a mixed-up duck was the most confusing case in all my forty years of practicing psychiatry. After 76 concentrations, he was getting nowhere. I was getting somewhere. I was getting as confused as he was! But I knew that somewhere in Mr. Duck's subconscious lay the answer.

Ludwig Von Drake:
[drawing an outline of Donald's head] It was obvious that the true cause of Donald's troubles was located right here. [draws several squares inside the head including two shaped like dice and another with the letter M in it] Right next to the dice and below the marriage block. A big one for Donald, but that's another story. [draws another square between the marriage block and dice, then adds the letter T to it] Now, I call it the T block, for temper! [the T block explodes]