Dr. Dolittle 2

Dr. Dolittle:
How smart do you have to be to pull your head out of the water when you can't breathe?

Dr. Dolittle:
You'll be the most famous bear in the world!

Archie:
Bigger than Pooh?

Dr. Dolittle:
If you get this right, everybody will be saying Winnie the Who!

Raccoon:
I can bite. I have rabies, but there's so little I can do.

White Wolf:
Hasta la vista, baby!

Joey The Racoon:
Hey, when the Beaver offers you a fish, you take the fish!

Dr. Dolittle:
You're an endangered species!

Archie:
Is that a threat, buddy?

Dr. Dolittle:
Don't you dare throw up on me!

Archie:
That's not where it's going to come out.

Charisse:
What am I supposed to do without my cell phone?

Dr. Dolittle:
Here's some stamps. Learn how to write a letter or something.

Raccoon:
The beaver don't travel for nobody.

Steve Irwin (II):
I am here with Dr. Dolitle, who can actually talk with animals. We're here about to capture this alligator right behind us, The trick to capturing this guy is to put your arms around his neck...

Alligator:
Hey Dolittle, What I'm doing is letting Steve think I don't hear him, when he comes for me, I'm gonna turn around and snap his arm off.

Dr. Dolittle:
Steve, I think he knows we're here.

Steve Irwin (II):
Quiet, I don't wanna spoil the element of surprise, NOW!

Steve Irwin (II):
Crikey! Me arm!

Racoon:
Hey Doc. These are some nice wheels here what do ya call this thing?

Dr. Dolittle:
Oh, this is a Mustang.

Possum:
Hey Doc is there a car named after me?

Dr. Dolittle:
Naw, I don't think they make a Possum.

Possum:
WHY NOT?

Dr. Dolittle:
They usually don't make cars named after rodents.

Archie:
I am the Alpha Bear! Grrr! Grrr! Bears say "grrr," right?

Archie:
It was the most embarrassing thing I've ever done, and I once rode a unicycle wearing a tutu! A tutu!

Dr. Dolittle:
What are you guys, some kind of animal Mafia?

Raccoon:
Mafia? Whoa, we don't know nothing about no Mafia. No, that's a myth.

Pepito:
So young, so angry. Damn that rap music!

Drunk Monkey:
There's a place in France where the naked monkey's dance.

Archie:
Hey look at me! Ah! Pinecone!

i'm not gone i'm not invisable

John:
What are you drinking?

Monkey:
It's Gatorade.

John:
Give me that! [takes water pouch and smells drink] Gatorade made wine, now?

[Dr. Dolittle meets a Pacific Western bear named Ava and makes a proposition]

Dr. Dolittle:
Hi. Hello. My name is John.

Ava:
I'm Ava.

Dolittle:
Hi, Ava. That's a pretty name. Nice to meet you.

Ava:
Hi.

Dolittle:
A quick question, Ava. How would you like to meet the man of your dreams?

Ava:
You're real cute, but I don't go interspecies.

Dolittle:
No, I'm not talking about me. I shouldn't have said man. I should've said bear. What do you think of that big hunk of bear over there?

Ava:
I don't think I see him.Is he standing behind that dork?

Dolittle:
No, he is...Let me explain what's going on. A logging company's gonna tear down the whole forest. And the only thing that can stop them is if I can get two Pacific Western bears together. You're a Pacific Western bear, so is he. If you two made little Pacific Western bears, then... You see where I'm going?

Ava:
Yeah. [walks away] Look, no offense, but I don't talk to bear pimps.

[During Archie's detention, as John and Charisse visit him.]

Archie:
Looks like I wasn't meant to be loved.

Charisse:
Everyone's meant to be loved.

John:
Yes, everyone's meant to- [caught by surprise at Charisse's newfound ability] Charisse!

[After Archie humiliates himself in front of Ava, he hides in a cave. Dr. Dolittle is trying to help him out.]

John:
Come on out of there, Archie.

Archie:
Never!

John:
I'm sure it wasn't that bad.

Archie:
It was the most humiliating thing I've ever done! And I had to ride a unicycle in a tutu! A tutu! (exclaims in disgust)

John:
Alright, I understand you, but we just gotta work a little harder is all.

Archie:
No, I'm just gonna stay in here and hibernate.

John:
Alright, Archie. I'm not playing anymore. You come out here right now, you big coward!

Archie:
Uh, excuse me, who are you calling a coward?

John:
You! I'm calling YOU a coward! You're a big coward for quitting like this!

Archie:
Well, it's hard.

John:
You wanna know what "hard" is, Archie? My wife is mad at me, my daughter's mad at me, and I'm spending my vacation with a pizza boy, who greets me by saying "Hey yo, Dr. D, what's up?" Now, I'm standing here listening to a big, furry baby cryin' he's gonna quit 'cause it's too hard!

Archie:
Well, Ava laughed at me!

John:
(mocking Archie) "Oh, boo-hoo! Ava laughed at me! I love her, and I need her, and she laughed at me!" You know somethin'? You don't even deserve Ava! Why should she have to spend her life with a (pokes at him) coward like you?

Archie:
Hey! Don't poke a bear, buddy!

John:
Oh, I didn't poke a bear, because if I was pokin' a bear, a bear would be mauling me. So, I dunno what I poked, but it sure as hell ain't no bear! (pokes him again)

Archie:
Hey, I'm warning you!

John:
(pokes him again) Yeah, and I'm POKING you!

Archie:
Hey, stop it!

John:
(pokes him three times) Poke poke poke!

Archie:
Alright, that's it! (knocks John off the hill, and he lands in some mud.)

John:
Archie, that hurt.

Archie:
Whoa, that felt good. Bear-like.

John:
Hey Archie, you know what? You're beyond my help! You just take your ass back to the circus!

Archie:
A bear? Whoo-hoo! I'm a bear! I'm the alpha bear! Rawr! RAAWWRRR! Uh, bears say "grr," right?

Archie:
Uh-oh. Uh-oh!

John:
What do you mean "uh-oh?"

Archie:
Ice cream's acting up.

John:
What ice cream?

Archie:
After Sonny took Ava, I got depressed, and went on a bender. And on the second gallon, I realize, that I'm in love with Ava, and this ice cream called "Cherry Garcia." [belches]

John:
Hey, Don't you DARE throw up on me!

Archie:
(groans) That's not where it's gonna come out! (groans)

John:
Wait, wait, wait, hold on! If you have to do that, then sit on the toilet!

Archie:
(Singing) Her Name was Lola. She was a show bear. She'd like to dance with me.

Lucky:
Go, doctor. Go, doctor.

Monkey:
Those teenagers, doc, they can drive a man to drink!

John:
Hey, what are you drinking?

Monkey:
Gatorade.

John:
Oh really? Give it to me. [takes water pouch and smells drink] Gatorade make wine, now? Huh?

[Monkey, in a drunken state, sticks his tongue out]

John:
You better slow down.

[John grabs two rats who popped out of Charisse's birthday cake.]

Rat 1:
Hey, watch the fur! Watch the fur, buddy! We're trying to do something nice for your daughter.

Rat 2:
A couple of cute little kitties pop out, you go, "Oh, how cute!"

Dolittle:
[Hanging them over the edge of a window] But you're not. You are not a couple of cute little kitties.

Rat 1:
Yes we are.

Dolittle:
You are two disgusting rats...

Rat 1:
No we're not.

Dolittle:
...that just ruined the birthday cake.

Rat 1:
Oh, so you wanna get personal now. Well, do you know what "rats" spelled backwards is, mister? It's "star!"

Rat 2:
That's right! I'm the star, buddy!

Dolittle:
Oh really, is that right? Well, do you know what "ha" spelled backwards is?

Rat 1:
Uh, no, I don't have any--

[John drops them, screaming as they fall.]

Dolittle:
Exactly!

[The two rats land safely in a garbage dump.]

Animal Voice Talent:
Steve Zahn - Archie

Animal Voice Talent:
Norm Macdonald - Lucky (uncredited)

Animal Voice Talent:
Lisa Kudrow - Ava

Animal Voice Talent:
Mike Epps - Sonny

Animal Voice Talent:
Jacob Vargas - Pepito

Animal Voice Talent:
Michael Rapaport - Joey

Animal Voice Talent:
Phil Proctor - Drunk Monkey

Animal Voice Talent:
Isaac Hayes - Possum

Animal Voice Talent:
Andy Dick - Mr. "Lennie" Weasel

Animal Voice Talent:
John Witherspoon (actor) - Old Prison Bear

Animal Voice Talent:
Cedric the Entertainer - Young Prison Bear

Animal Voice Talent:
Jamie Kennedy - Dog #1

Animal Voice Talent:
David Cross - Dog #2

Animal Voice Talent:
David DeLuise - Fish #1

Animal Voice Talent:
Reni Santoni - Rat #1

Animal Voice Talent:
John Leguizamo - Rat #2 (uncredited)

Animal Voice Talent:
Arnold Schwarzenegger - White Wolf (uncredited)

Animal Voice Talent:
Kevin Pollak - Alligator

Animal Voice Talent:
Mandy Moore - Girl Bear Cub

Animal Voice Talent:
Frankie Muniz - Boy Bear Cub

Animal Voice Talent:
Michael McKean - Bird

Animal Voice Talent:
Tom Kenny - Male Tortoise