Dr. Dolittle 22001

John:
Alright, Archie. I'm not playing anymore. You come out here right now, you big coward!

Archie:
Uh, excuse me, who are you calling a coward?

John:
You! I'm calling YOU a coward! You're a big coward for quitting like this!

Archie:
Well, it's hard.

John:
You wanna know what "hard" is, Archie? My wife is mad at me, my daughter's mad at me, and I'm spending my vacation with a pizza boy, who greets me by saying "Hey yo, Dr. D, what's up?" Now, I'm standing here listening to a big, furry baby cryin' he's gonna quit 'cause it's too hard!

Archie:
Well, Ava laughed at me!

John:
(mocking Archie) "Oh, boo-hoo! Ava laughed at me! I love her, and I need her, and she laughed at me!" You know somethin'? You don't even deserve Ava! Why should she have to spend her life with a (pokes at him) coward like you?

Archie:
Hey! Don't poke a bear, buddy!

John:
Oh, I didn't poke a bear, because if I was pokin' a bear, a bear would be mauling me. So, I dunno what I poked, but it sure as hell ain't no bear! (pokes him again)

Archie:
Hey, I'm warning you!

John:
(pokes him again) Yeah, and I'm POKING you!

Archie:
Hey, stop it!

John:
(pokes him three times) Poke poke poke!

Archie:
Alright, that's it! (knocks John off the hill, and he lands in some mud.)

John:
Archie, that hurt.

Archie:
Whoa, that felt good. Bear-like.

John:
Hey Archie, you know what? You're beyond my help! You just take your ass back to the circus!

Archie:
A bear? Whoo-hoo! I'm a bear! I'm the alpha bear! Rawr! RAAWWRRR! Uh, bears say "grr," right?