Dragnet 1967

[repeated line]

Friday:
I carry a badge.

[first lines]

Main Title Announcer:
The story you are about to see is true. The names have been changed to protect the innocent.

Sergeant Joe Friday:
By the way, what do you do for a living?

Systems Analyst:
I'm a systems analyst, myself.

Sergeant Joe Friday:
Oh? What's a systems analyst do?

Systems Analyst:
I analyze systems.

Sergeant Joe Friday:
Makes sense.

Sergeant Joe Friday:
How's the invalid?

Officer Bill Gannon:
Oh, pretty good I guess. Pull up a chair, that red rocker there.

Sergeant Joe Friday:
This one?

Officer Bill Gannon:
Well, that's the only red rocker in the room, Joe. See how it rocks and it's all red?

Sergeant Joe Friday:
The Ruby Room was a long way from opening night at the Palace. From the looks of it, some of the acts that started here probably ended up in the county jail.

Sergeant Joe Friday:
Mrs. Perriwinkle, you really should put your money in a savings account. You know that. You're taking a dangerous risk hiding it here.

Myrtle Perriwinkle:
A bank? Never. Don't trust them, never will. Never! Anyway, money is not my god. The Lord is my god.

Sergeant Joe Friday:
Yes ma'am, but a bank is still a good place to keep your money.

Officer Bill Gannon:
Are you Daniel Lumis?

Mr. Daniel Lumis:
I'm Mr. Daniel Lumis, yes.

Officer Bill Gannon:
I'm "Mr." Officer Gannon and this is "Mr." Sergeant Friday.

Officer Bill Gannon:
[referring to Daniel Loomis]... for sheer *gall*, this guy has *got* to win the prize!

Tim Walker:
[last lines of the Dragnet series] Sure is a great world isn't it sergeant.

Sergeant Joe Friday:
Sir?

Tim Walker:
That two-bit thief gets his rights and Julio gets his last ones.

Off. Rick Myler:
[Friday and Gannon are investigating a purse snatching. The patrol car unit shows up] . You guys detectives?

Officer Bill Gannon:
That's right. D.H.Q, night watch.

Off. Rick Myler:
I gotta get into that. These radio calls are driving me right out of my mind. Investigation, that's for me.

Sergeant Joe Friday:
How long have you been on the job now?

Off. Rick Myler:
Six months now. I've got this patrol thing well whipped. I'm ready to move into something else now, you know?

Officer Bill Gannon:
Uh, huh. Six months. That means you just got out of the academy last month, right?

Off. Rick Myler:
Yeah, that's right.

Sergeant Joe Friday:
You know it takes a good investigator to do a decent job working a radio car.

Off. Rick Myler:
Yeah, but it's all preliminary. I want to get into follow up. That's where you get the big capers.

Sergeant Joe Friday:
That's a new one on me, son. Here all the time I was under the impression that patrol officers were always in on the big capers.

Off. Rick Myler:
Here's an example: Look at us. Somebody gets their purse stolen and who gets it? Us. It's getting so routine; I'm bored half-stiff.

Officer Bill Gannon:
Rather be out tracking a bank robber, huh?

Off. Rick Myler:
That's the ticket! None of this old lady drops her purse jazz.

Sergeant Joe Friday:
Let me tell you something, youngster: Someday when you get the backs of those ears dried out, you might wake up and see just how important your job really is! Take a look at your partner over there. Sixteen years in a patrol unit, one of the best on the job. Now apparently you haven't been listening to him or you don't want to. For your information, that little old lady didn't just get her purse stolen: It was robbery! Two hoodlums kicked her senseless out on that sidewalk. You got a real large problem, son: You worry more about yourself then what goes on around you. Do me a favor, will you? Sit back and take a real hard look. Look at the victims and try to have a little empathy. It might do you some good. That's what we're all here, to serve these people. Now if you can't see it that way, maybe you ought to look for some other kind of job. I'm sure the department can spare you.

Off. Rick Myler:
I didn't mean to...

Sergeant Joe Friday:
That's right. You don't know what you mean or what you say or how you impress other people. Now you think about it. Try to learn something from your partner: He'll teach you something if you listen. He understands his job, you don't. Now do me a small favor, will you?

Off. Rick Myler:
What's that, sir?

Sergeant Joe Friday:
Do what your partner told you to do: Go out there and get that book, and then get back in here and go to school!

Off. Rick Myler:
Yes, sir. [Myler leaves]

Officer Bill Gannon:
Green recruit, partner. Kind of hard on him, weren't you?

Sergeant Joe Friday:
Those two punks were kind of hard on Mrs. Anderson.

Off. Rick Myler:
[Friday is investigating a store robbery/shooting. He's talking to a rookie cop that he berated earlier for not taking his job seriously] Do you want me to phone downtown?

Sergeant Joe Friday:
Right. I want latent prints, photos, crime lab and division detectives down here on the double. Then we'll start going over this place like a vacuum cleaner. Then start penciling the robbery report out.

Off. Rick Myler:
Yes, sir.

Sergeant Joe Friday:
Myler... you'd probably rather be out there hunting down that suspect, wouldn't you?

Off. Rick Myler:
Yes sir, I probably would. But this is important, too [Friday winks and nods approvingly] .

Off. Rick Myler:
[Friday and Gannon are investigating a purse snatching. The patrol car unit shows up] . You guys detectives?

Sergeant Joe Friday:
That's right. D.H.Q, night watch.

Off. Rick Myler:
I gotta get into that. These radio calls are driving me right out of my mind. Investigation, that's for me.

Sergeant Joe Friday:
How long have you been on the job now?

Off. Rick Myler:
Six months now. I've got this patrol thing well whipped. I'm ready to move into something else now, you know?

Officer Bill Gannon:
Uh, huh. Six months. That means you just got out of the academy last month, right?

Off. Rick Myler:
Yeah, that's right.

Sergeant Joe Friday:
You know it takes a good investigator to do a decent job working a radio car.

Off. Rick Myler:
Yeah, but it's all preliminary. I want to get into follow up. That's where you get the big capers.

Sergeant Joe Friday:
That's a new one on me, son. Here all the time I was under the impression that patrol officers were always in on the big capers.

Off. Rick Myler:
Here's an example: Look at us. Somebody gets their purse stolen and who gets it? Us. It's getting so routine; I'm bored half-stiff.

Officer Bill Gannon:
Rather be out tracking a bank robber, huh?

Off. Rick Myler:
That's the ticket! None of this old lady drops her purse jazz.

Sergeant Joe Friday:
Let me tell you something, youngster: Someday when you get the backs of those ears dried out, you might wake up and see just how important your job really is! Take a look at your partner over there. Sixteen years in a patrol unit, one of the best on the job. Now apparently you haven't been listening to him or you don't want to. For your information, that little old lady didn't just get her purse stolen: It was robbery! Two hoodlums kicked her senseless out on that sidewalk. You got a real large problem, son: You worry more about yourself then what goes on around you. Do me a favor, will you? Sit back and take a real hard look. Look at the victims and try to have a little empathy. It might do you some good. That's what we're all here, to serve these people. Now if you can't see it that way, maybe you ought to look for some other kind of job. I'm sure the department can spare you.

Off. Rick Myler:
I didn't mean to...

Sergeant Joe Friday:
That's right. You don't know what you mean or what you say or how you impress other people. Now you think about it. Try to learn something from your partner: He'll teach you something if you listen. He understands his job, you don't. Now do me a small favor, will you?

Off. Rick Myler:
What's that, sir?

Sergeant Joe Friday:
Do what your partner told you to do: Go out there and get that book, and then get back in here and go to school!

Off. Rick Myler:
Yes, sir. [Myler leaves]

Officer Bill Gannon:
Green recruit, partner. Kind of hard on him, weren't you?

Sergeant Joe Friday:
Those two punks were kind of hard on Mrs. Anderson.

Off. Rick Myler:
[Friday is investigating a store robbery/shooting. He's talking to a rookie cop that he berated earlier for not taking his job seriously] Do you want me to phone downtown?

Sergeant Joe Friday:
Right. I want latent prints, photos, crime lab and division detectives down here on the double. Then we'll start going over this place like a vacuum cleaner. Then start penciling the robbery report out.

Off. Rick Myler:
Yes, sir.

Sergeant Joe Friday:
Myler... you'd probably rather be out there hunting down that suspect, wouldn't you?

Off. Rick Myler:
Yes sir, I probably would. But this is important, too.

Jack Burke:
[screams at his wife who just ratted on him] You shut up you no good little tramp just shut up!

Officer Bill Gannon:
Alright take it easy.

Jack Burke:
What do you mean take it easy she just threw my life away?

Sergeant Joe Friday:
No you did when you took his.

Capt. Hugh Brown:
Cal Lampe you old war hose the minute I seen that FBI kick back I just knew it had to be you.

Calvin Lampe:
How you doing Hugh? You're looking good.

Capt. Hugh Brown:
Good. You know this is one of the finest detectives I have ever known.44 years with the Chicago PD retired with the rank of deputy chief.This isn't your suspect is he.

Sergeant Joe Friday:
No sir Bill and I were beginning to think we were his.

Officer Bill Gannon:
[looks at the FBI kickback] I get the feeling I missed something Chicago PD.

Calvin Lampe:
Easy there boy.

Off. Dave Dorman:
Whats the trouble.

Calvin Lampe:
Trouble is your using to much ink.

Off. Dave Dorman:
I've took a finger print or two in my day.

Calvin Lampe:
How many were classifiable .

Off. Dave Dorman:
[points to a palm print on the wall] As Calvin Lampe would say there is a print you can get a ridge count from.

Officer Bill Gannon:
Yeah.

Off. Dave Dorman:
And he ourta know its his.

Capt. Hugh Brown:
[Comes in holding a jewelry case] Friday there is a girl outside you'd better to talk to her.

Calvin Lampe:
Where did you get that Hugh?

Capt. Hugh Brown:
Why?

Calvin Lampe:
That's Mary Jenkins jewelry case.

Donna Halpern:
You don't think very much of me do you.

Sergeant Joe Friday:
It doesn't really matter what I think.

Donna Halpern:
Come on what do you think of me.

Sergeant Joe Friday:
12 cents and what I think will buy you a cup of coffee.

Officer Bill Gannon:
[a nurse hands Gannon the baby's blanket] Grey who ever heard of a grey baby blanket it's suppose to be pink for a little girl.

Sergeant Joe Friday:
Who ever heard of of a pink shroud?

David Freeman:
I told her a hundred times, be careful baby, don't get too high. She just wouldn't listen to me!

Sergeant Joe Friday:
Oh she listened to you Freeman.

David Freeman:
She did?

Sergeant Joe Friday:
That was her trouble.

Agent Roger Franke:
One last thing. I usually recite this to remind myself. Back home I work the White House detail. Before all agents sign in, there's a little deal that hangs in a frame above the sign-in desk. It's required reading by all of us. Its part of an article that appeared in a Washington newspaper sometime back. Short and to the point. Goes something like this: "Last night, a man approached the Presidential Box and confronted the guard outside. The visitor was well dressed, and his demeanor appeared normal. Said he had a message for the President. For one brief moment, the guard relaxed his vigil and permitted the man to enter the box without proper clearance. Thirty seconds later, Abraham Lincoln, the 16th President of the United States, lay dying of a pistol ball shot in the head."

Lisa Ruby:
[two men where having a fake fight] My bouncer could of handled the fight.

Sergeant Joe Friday:
While the phony fight was going on.

Lisa Ruby:
Yes.

Sergeant Joe Friday:
[Friday has the thief] This little lady was busy tapping your till.

Sergeant Joe Friday:
You'd better get going those guys weren't kidding.

Sgt. Hank Seret:
How many where there?

Sergeant Joe Friday:
3 on the way in they each shot holes in the roof of the bank.

Sgt. Jack Williams:
How much did they get?

Sergeant Joe Friday:
A bundle maybe 50 grand.

Sgt. Jack Williams:
Big score.

Sergeant Joe Friday:
Bigger than that on the way out they shot and killed a customer.

Friday:
Unless you're growin', sit down.

Sam Golden:
[a store owner is annoyed that Friday isn't out looking for the robber] I gave you a perfect description: he's 5'-9" or 10"; grayish black hair; medium build, not fat or thin; his eyes are brown; his nose is straight; he combs his hair with a part on the side. Now you go out and find a guy just like that!

Sergeant Joe Friday:
And you'd like us to arrest him when we do?

Sam Golden:
Well, certainly I would.

Sergeant Joe Friday:
I'm afraid then we've got a problem here.

Sam Golden:
What do you mean by that?

Sergeant Joe Friday:
Well, that description fits you too.

Richard Madden:
Imagine a stinking broad wiping up the sidewalk with you. That dame's as strong as an ox.

Sergeant Joe Friday:
Sure, she must weigh at least 120 pounds.

Richard Madden:
What is she, a lady wrestler?

Sergeant Joe Friday:
Linebacker for the Cleveland Browns.

Harvey Forrester:
Lousy, sloppy drunk.

Friday:
Don't knock her, Forrester, she had a good reason to drink.

Harvey Forrester:
And what's that?

Friday:
Being married to you.

Sergeant Joe Friday:
Don't think you have a corner on all the virtue vision in the country or that everyone else is fat and selfish and yours is the first generation to come along that's felt dissatisfied. They all have, you know, about different things; and most of them didn't have the opportunity and freedoms that you have. Let's talk poverty. In most parts of the world, that's not a problem, it's a way of life. And rights? They're liable to give you a blank stare because they may not know what you're talking about. The fact is, more people are living better right here than anyone else ever before in history. So don't expect us to roll over and play dead when you say you're dissatisfied. It's not perfect, but it's a great deal better than when we grew up: a hundred men standing in the street hoping for one job, selling apples on the street corner. That's one of the things we were dissatisfied about, and you don't see that much anymore.

Officer Bill Gannon:
You're taller, stronger, healthier, and you live longer than the last generation; and we don't think that's altogether bad. You've probably never seen a "Quarantine" sign on a neighbor's door. Diphtheria, scarlet fever, whooping cough; probably none of your classmates are crippled with polio. You don't see many mastoid scars anymore. We've done quite a bit of fighting all around the world. Whether you think it was moral or not a lot of people are free to make their own mistakes today because of it. And that may just include you.

Sergeant Joe Friday:
I don't know, maybe part of it's the fact that you're in a hurry. You've grown up on instant orange juice. Flip a dial - instant entertainment. Dial seven digits - instant communication. Turn a key - push a pedal - instant transportation. Flash a card - instant money. Shove in a problem - push a few buttons - instant answers. But some problems you can't get quick answers for, no matter how much you want them. We took a little boy into Central Receiving Hospital yesterday; he's four years old. He weighs eight-and-a-half pounds. His parents just hadn't bothered to feed him. Now give me a fast answer to that one; one that'll stop that from ever happening again. And if you can't settle that one, how about the 55,000 Americans who'll die on the highway this year? That's nearly six or seven times the number that'll get killed in Vietnam. Why aren't you up in arms about that? Or is dying in a car somehow moral? Show me how to wipe out prejudice. I'll settle for the prejudices you have inside yourselves. Show me how to get rid of the unlimited capacity for human beings to make themselves believe they're somehow right - and justified - in stealing from somebody, or hurting somebody, and you'll just about put this place here out of business!

Officer Bill Gannon:
Don't think we're telling you to lose your ideals or your sense of outrage. They're the only way things ever get done. And there's a lot more that still needs doing. And we hope you'll tackle it. You don't have to do anything dramatic like coming up with a better country. You can find enough to keep you busy right here. In the meantime, don't break things up in the name of progress or crack a placard stick over someone's head to make him see the light. Be careful of his rights. Because your property and your person and your rights aren't any better than his. And the next time you may be the one to get it. We remember a man who killed six million people, and called it social improvement.

Sergeant Joe Friday:
Don't try to build a new country. Make this one work. It has for over four hundred years; and by the world's standards, that's hardly more than yesterday.

[Friday and Gannon are interrogating Donald L. Chapman at his apartment after he had taken four cases of stolen dynamite with blasting caps and planted the resulting explosive somewhere]

Officer Bill Gannon:
You expect us to believe you've got a closet full of dynamite and you don't know how it got in there?

Donald Chapman:
How am I supposed to know? I hardly ever go into the closet.

Sgt. Joe Friday:
Never mind the smart answers, Chapman. We can bust you right here for Receiving Stolen Property.

Donald Chapman:
[cockily] So why don't you do it?

Sgt. Joe Friday:
Just tell us what you did with that dynamite.

Donald Chapman:
Maybe I'll change my mind. You said I don't have to talk to you. Maybe I won't.

Donald Chapman:
[after the cops found the dynamite] There's others who feel like me - it don't make much difference what happens to me...

Sgt. Joe Friday:
Now you listen to me, you wide-mouthed punk, we've heard just about all we want from you.

Donald Chapman:
I know my rights. I know the law, too. You'll want to know a LOT more - a motive, for one thing.

Sgt. Joe Friday:
Hate'll do for a start, and you try to put that walnut-sized brain of yours to work on this: you keep harping about minorities.

Donald Chapman:
That's right.

Sgt. Joe Friday:
Well, mister, you're a psycho, and they're a minority too.

[a young couple let their toddler drown in a bathtub while they were stoned]

Officer Bill Gannon:
Joe, you can handle this for a minute, can't you?

Friday:
You all right?

Officer Bill Gannon:
First time since I've been on the job...

Friday:
Yeah?

Officer Bill Gannon:
I think I'm gonna be sick.

[hands the bag of marijuana to Friday and runs out of the room]

Capt. Lou Richey:
It's not just a law enforcement problem, it's a community problem.

Sgt. John Pearson:
Trouble is there's no community captain. These people come piling in from everywhere. They don't know each other and don't want to. They come out here, make a down payment on a house and move in with a couple of kids. That doesn't mean they made a home no more than givin' a name to a place

Sergeant Joe Friday:
Yeah, and you get a little weary of hearing every kid give you the same excuse when you tag them. You don't understand. I just want to belong that's why I did it. Belong to what?

Capt. Lou Richey:
What it boils down to is the new morality, doesn't it, a new set of values. God is dead. Drug addiction is mind expanding. Promiscuity is glamorous. Even homosexuality is praiseworthy. How you gonna fight that?

Officer Bill Gannon:
It ain't easy.

Capt. Lou Richey:
What you got to remember that, the vast majority of the juveniles are the kids next door. They're not hard core criminals. It's just that to them, it's a great deal more important to be accepted by the other kids than to please their parents.

Audie Fulton:
Pardon me, Mr. Policeman, Fuzz, sir? May I ask you a question?

Friday:
Don't you con me with your mind-expansion slop. I deal with kids every day. I try to clean up the mess that people like you make out of 'em. I'm the expert here. You're not.

Friday:
Marijuana's the flame, heroin's the fuse, LSD's the bomb.

William Bentley:
You talk about young people in America. I don't recognize them. I don't think they exist. I think your kind creates them. You force them into little molds, and pop them out like little plastic figures off a production line. You stuff them full of preconceived ideas, praise them for turning out so well. But they're not people, they're machines! Then you wind them up like little tape recorders, and send them out into the world to spread another generation of lies. "This is the best of all possible worlds... this is a recording." And the ones who escape your assembly line, the rare ones, you call them delinquents, weirdos, hippies, pillheads, freaks, potheads. You tell them they're sick. They know better. They're not satisfied with a little change. They want it all! They want it now! And they know they can't change the world, so they change themselves. They seek others who believe as they do. They start communities, tribes. They grow, they share, food, shelter, and most importantly, love. All they ask is the right to live the way they want to live, without being harassed, without being told what they can or cannot do. Now, is that too much to ask, Mr. Policeman?

Friday:
No, if that's all they ask. But it's not. They're not asking to be left alone, they're asking for a handout. If they really believed what you say they believe, they'd do something about it besides panhandle in the streets and use narcotics to escape reality. A lot of people started with an idea, and they've made it work, but not by begging or stealing or standing in line to get paid for not working. The Amish did it in Pennsylvania, they built self-supporting communities. The Mormons did it in Utah, they built a city. The Jews did it in Israel, they built a nation. But they were willing to work for it!

William Bentley:
We tried in San Francisco.

Friday:
Yeah. Well, you learned something, didn't you?

William Bentley:
What's that?

Friday:
If you're gonna live with the rest of us, then you'll have to learn to play the game by the rules. And in case you've forgotten the name of the game, we call it democracy.

William Bentley:
And we're right back where we began. You haven't made a point. You claim marijuana leads to hard narcotics and ultimate addiction. I disagree, because most people are normal, and only a psychologically defective personality is prone to true addiction.

Friday:
You're half-right, Bentley.

William Bentley:
Half-right?

Friday:
It takes more than psychologically defective personalities to become addicts

William Bentley:
Really? What's that?

Friday:
Something to become addicted to.

Sergeant Joe Friday:
[Murray hands Friday the bullet that killed Hamlin] I was expecting a quarter.

Ray Murray:
And I handed you a penny a bad one.

Sergeant Joe Friday:
[looks at the bullet] 6 left

Officer Bill Gannon:
Automatic ammunition.

Ray Murray:
Either a Browning or Luger both are common. Hamlin done an amazing thing he killed himself with a bullet that couldn't of possibly been fired from the gun he was holding.

Officer Bill Gannon:
Yeah.

Ray Murray:
You boys need to tear up your report no suicide here. You need to find a murder gun.

Ray Murray:
Well, the way it's setup you shouldn't have too much trouble finding a suspect.

Sergeant Joe Friday:
How's that?

Ray Murray:
Find a butler built like an envelope.

Sergeant Joe Friday:
The pin, Bill, put it in!

Officer Bill Gannon:
Give me a minute.

Sergeant Joe Friday:
We may not have a minute, put it in!

Gerald Paulson:
I just wanted to scare them, I wasn't going to pull the pin.

Sergeant Joe Friday:
But you did.

Gerald Paulson:
It was an accident, you made me do it.

Sergeant Joe Friday:
Sure.

Sergeant Joe Friday:
You're going to have to go to a court hearing, without the grenade.

Gerald Paulson:
Sure.

Sergeant Joe Friday:
See if you can scare the judge.

Officer Bill Gannon:
Kids today are missing out on the best thing; growing up as kids, not teenaged adults.

Detective:
The first two blows with the hammer killed him.

Friday:
Yea, and the next four changed his personality.

Officer Bill Gannon:
[Friday and Gannon are interviewing Chesney Guthrie] You understand your rights, Mr. Gutherie?

Chesney Guthrie:
Yes, very fair, very fair.

Officer Bill Gannon:
You're a barber, is that right?

Chesney Guthrie:
Oh no, I'm a hairstylist, there's a difference. [He points to Friday] Now you go to a barber, but a hair stylist could do wonders for you. [He turns to Gannon] But you stay with a barber. Nothing personal.

Friday:
[Friday and Gannon are getting ready to leave for Arizona and Friday notices Gannon doesn't have a suitcase] Where's your gear?

Officer Bill Gannon:
Don't worry, I've got it.

Friday:
Where?

Officer Bill Gannon:
[He points to Friday's suitcase] You won't catch me carrying one of those cases.

Friday:
Where's your gear?

Officer Bill Gannon:
Oh, come on, Joe. [He points to his coat's chest pocket] Tooth brush, toothpaste, razor, [points to another pocket] clean socks, [points to inside right pocket] clean underwear, [points to left inside of his coat] clean shirt.

Friday:
You could have fooled me.

Officer Bill Gannon:
Sure. You know Joe, in all of the years we've worked together you still haven't learned.

Friday:
What's that?

Officer Bill Gannon:
How to travel light.

Camille:
[Friday and Gannon are talking to Camille who is not very cooperative] You got a lot of nerve waking me up in the middle of the night like this.

Policewoman Dorothy Miller:
These are Los Angeles police officers. They want to ask you some questions.

Officer Bill Gannon:
It's our duty to inform you that you have the right to...

Camille:
[Interrupting] Answer or not answer, get me a lawyer. I know the whole scam. You got a cigarette?

Officer Bill Gannon:
You old enough to smoke?

Camille:
I'm old enough to do anything, including clam up. I know my rights, fuzz, and I got a right to not talk to you. You're wasting your time and my beauty sleep cuz I ain't telling you nothing, not a thing about nothing. Now what about that cigarette and let me get back to that fleabag they call a cell. [Friday gives her a a cigarette and a light] You've got nice eyes - for a cop. [She blows smoke into Friday's face]

Friday:
And I bet your mother had a loud bark.

Friday:
There are over five thousand men in this city who know that being a policeman is an endless, glamorless, thankless job that's gotta be done. I know it, too. And I'm damned glad to be one of them.

Officer Bill Gannon:
Absolutely senseless never saw the man before.

Sergeant Joe Friday:
Yeah?

Officer Bill Gannon:
Blew his head off.

Sergeant Joe Friday:
[Mrs Rustin comes in from shopping] Your boy is under arrest Mrs Rustin.

Mrs. Eunice Rustin:
For what?

Sergeant Joe Friday:
Suspicion of murder

Mrs. Eunice Rustin:
[Drops her bags] Dear God in heaven.

Harold F. Rustin:
Oh come on mom don't listen to these guys.

Mrs. Eunice Rustin:
Are you sure?

Officer Bill Gannon:
Yes we're sure.

Mrs. Eunice Rustin:
[Starts sobbing and screaming] Haven't I given you everything why Harold? Answer me! Answer ME!

Sergeant Joe Friday:
I don't think he can Mrs Rustin.

Mrs. Eunice Rustin:
Why can't he?

Sergeant Joe Friday:
He doesn't have one.

Friday:
You're pretty high and far out. What kind of kick are you on, son?

Benjie 'Blue Boy' Carver:
My hair's green and I'm a tree!

Sergeant Joe Friday:
The subject was booked under Section 601 - in danger of leading an idle, dissolute, or immoral life.

Officer Bill Gannon:
[Friday and Bill pull Benjie's head out of the ground] Stand still.

Benjie 'Blue Boy' Carver:
[they begin to frisk him] Reality, man, reality! I could see the center of the earth! Purple flame down there with a pilot light! All the way down! Purple flame down there and a pilot light!

Benjie 'Blue Boy' Carver:
He's clean, Joe, except for these.

[holds out sugar cubes]

Benjie 'Blue Boy' Carver:
The pilot light of all creation and reality!

Friday:
What's your name, son?

Benjie 'Blue Boy' Carver:
[tracing letters in the air] You can see my name if you look hard enough.

Friday:
Come on now, what's your name?

Benjie 'Blue Boy' Carver:
Don't you know my name? My name's Blue Boy!

Officer Bill Gannon:
What do you think, Joe, cartwheels?

Friday:
[Blue Boy appears to not be paying attention] No, sugarcubes. I'll bet you he's been dropping that acid we've been hearing about. All right son, you're under arrest. It's our duty to advise you of your constitutional rights. You have the right to remain silent, and any statement you make may be used against you in a court of law. You have the right to the presence of an attorney. If you cannot afford one, one will be appointed before any questioning. Do you understand that?

Benjie 'Blue Boy' Carver:
[suddenly alert] There I am! I'm over there now! I'm not here anymore. My hair's green and I'm a tree!

Officer Bill Gannon:
You ever see anybody this torn up?

Friday:
Unless he's not strung out on sugar cubes.

Officer Bill Gannon:
Yeah.

Friday:
All right, let's take him to Central Receiving.

Officer Bill Gannon:
Come on, son.

Benjie 'Blue Boy' Carver:
Even if your body does die, your mind will live on.

Officer Bill Gannon:
Yeah, we know. Come on.

Benjie 'Blue Boy' Carver:
You're the dirty disbelievers! The evil disbelievers! Evil! EVIL EVIL!

[he jump-attacks Friday, and the two officers work to subdue him]

Friday:
All right, come on son, settle down!

[they handcuff him]

Benjie 'Blue Boy' Carver:
Brown, blue yellow. Green, green orange, red! Red red! Red! I can hear them, I can hear them all!

Friday:
Yeah, sure you can, kid. Let's go back to the office. We'll all listen.

[they walk him to the car]

Philip Jamison:
He just keep saying he wanted to get further out.

Friday:
[Checks Blue Boy's Pulse] Well he made it. He's dead.

Ben Riddle:
What do you fellows figure he is going to put in all them capsules.

Friday:
A lot of misery.

Mrs. Carver:
Would you tell him something when you find him.

Friday:
What's that Mrs. Carver?

Mrs. Carver:
Tell him we still love him.

Mrs. Carver:
You trying to say my boy's a drug addict? Now look; I heard about this LSD, and it is my understanding it hasn't done anyone any harm.

Friday:
If you could've seen your boy a couple of hours ago, I doubt you'd feel that way. Now look at him - does he always go around painted up like that - half his face blue, half yellow?

Mrs. Carver:
I thought you men were supposed to be experts with young people. It's probably a high school initiation, or something. The boys are always doing some silly thing or another - letting their hair grow long, or dressing up like those English singers. Here, Benjie, wipe your face, and let's go home.

Officer Bill Gannon:
[Gannon pulls a sandwich out of his coat pocket] You want a bite?

Sgt. Joe Friday:
No thanks.

Officer Bill Gannon:
You sure?

Sgt. Joe Friday:
Sure.

Officer Bill Gannon:
[Gannon holds it up for Friday to see] Corned beef, imported Swiss, lettuce, Russian dressing, cole slaw, kosher pickle, slice of tomato, mayonnaise, peanut butter, horseradish, and a little hot mustard.

Sgt. Joe Friday:
[Grimacing] No thanks.

Officer Bill Gannon:
You're sure now, it's an awfully good sandwich.

Sgt. Joe Friday:
Sounds like a seven course meal.

Officer Bill Gannon:
Well, it is a little filling.

Al Tucker:
[Friday and Gannon are talking to the parole officer Al Tucker] Yea, I missed dinner, guess I'd better get on home.

Officer Bill Gannon:
Don't rush off, I've got half a sandwich.

Al Tucker:
Yeah? What's in it?

Officer Bill Gannon:
Oh, you'll love it: corned beef, imported Swiss...

Sgt. Joe Friday:
[Friday suddenly decides to leave] Good night, Bill.

Officer Bill Gannon:
...lettuce, Russian dressing...

Sgt. Joe Friday:
Tuck, I'll see ya [He walks away]

Officer Bill Gannon:
...cole slaw, kosher pickle, slice of tomato... [end theme music begins playing]

Sgt. Joe Friday:
Parole officers are a special breed - half policeman, half social worker. They have to take the rejects of society and try to make decent citizens out of them. It's a tough job - tougher because there's not enough of them to go around. Most ex-convicts have a lot respect for their parole officers - they get close - they have to. Their parole officer has to approve almost everything - where they live, where they work, what time they get home at night.

Officer Bill Gannon:
[Smith posing as a dry cleaner] Are you their dry cleaner.

Charles Augustus William Smith:
No I came to make love to the upstairs maid.

[Joe and Bill enter an interrogation room bearing the sawed-off shotgun with which Roger Kensington and Harry Johnson shot Officer Dave Roberts]

Roger Kensington:
Look here, Harry, they sent in the first team.

Sgt. Joe Friday:
[tossing the shotgun on the table for effect] All right, tunnel mouth! Let's all save time! Last April a police officer was shot at Olive and Main, and we think you and that shotgun did it.

Harry Johnson:
[sarcastically] He scare you, Roger? He scares me.

Roger Kensington:
He makes me sick! You've been rousting me since I was a kid, you and every other cop from here to Kansas City, year after year!

Officer Bill Gannon:
Why- if it wasn't for prison food, you'd starve to death. You haven't been out of the Joint for more than two or three years in your entire life.

Roger Kensington:
I'll be out again in twenty-six months, brown eyes! Stay home nights!

Sgt. Joe Friday:
You listen to me, punk! I've handled *jaywalkers* who were tougher than you.

Roger Kensington:
When I get out, I'm gonna waste you!

Harry Johnson:
Hey, there's no reason to work up a sweat, Roger. They told us our rights, we don't even have to *talk* to them.

Friday:
Flinch- and you'll be chasing your head down Fifth Street!

Sgt. Joe Friday:
All right, I'll talk to you Johnson- You were born in Harlan, Kentucky. Your father was a house painter, killed in the war. Your mother and your sister brought you out here. You went to school in Torrance. You got expelled for throwing a punch at your math teacher. The army took you during the Korean War. They didn't want you: they shoved you out on a Section 8! For seven years now, you've either been *in* jail, or just getting *out*!

Harry Johnson:
[sarcastically] I *do* hope you'll write my *book*!

Sgt. Joe Friday:
[continues] Now your buddy, he's really big-time; Three states want him for parole violations- two for armed robbery, and one for statutory rape, that's in Kansas.

Officer Bill Gannon:
You remember her name, don't you, Kensington?

Roger Kensington:
[sarcastically] What if I don't?

Officer Bill Gannon:
You should-! She was your sister's daughter!

[Johnson looks at Kensington with surprise]

Harry Johnson:
[upon seeing Officer Roberts alive screams at Kensington] You told me he died!

Roger Kensington:
He should of!

Harry Johnson:
You hear him that shotgun belongs to him not me!

Roger Kensington:
Shut up!

Sgt. Joe Friday:
I'll tell them to roll the tape.

Dave Roberts:
[Friday and Roberts leave the room] You know something Joe

Sgt. Joe Friday:
What's that Dave?

Dave Roberts:
I still don't remember them.

Sgt. Joe Friday:
You don't have to now Dave!

Harry Johnson:
You going to let me wipe this soap of my face.

Sgt. Joe Friday:
Why? You look good.