Drowning in Actors

Nathan Porl:
Tell James to get in costume, have the make-up people give him a quick once over, get me a strong cup of coffee and hide all the toilet paper.

Billie Parker:
Why the toilet paper?

Nathan Porl:
Because I'm a petty, petty man, Billie.

Nathan Porl:
I'm sorry, where were we? Ah, yes, you were trying to rip my testicles out through my wallet. Why should I give you a hundred bucks?

Bob Garelli:
Because a hundred bucks stops me from telling Fillipe here to start humping your scenery.

Susan Darkholme:
Oh my God, we are so over. And you know what? You're not even any good and you're hung like a baby carrot! And I swear if I find you back at our apartment tonight, I'll wait till you're asleep, throw kerosene on your balls, light a match and dance in the flames! Got it?

Nathan Porl:
[Separating them] Well if that isn't a lesson in fire safety, I don't know what is.

Trent Rockwell:
How can a carrot have a baby?

Billie Parker:
Why the sudden change, Malcolm?

Malcolm Thompson:
I felt the stage whisper to me. I heard Lady Theatre beckon me to drink deep from her and take the stage on this most glorious night. And as a vessel for the craft of acting itself, I say that the world will not be denied my brilliance tonight!

Nathan Porl:
You didn't want to be replaced by the janitor, huh?

Nathan Porl:
Jose, how would you like to be a star?

Fillipe:
Clean toilet?

Nathan Porl:
No, you can clean the toilet later, we need you to act right now.

Trent Rockwell:
Oh, no, no Mr. Porl. Thelma said she wanted me to taste her pudding so I was just...

Nathan Porl:
Sweet Lord, what do you take ginseng or something? Put your snake in it's cage and finish getting in your damn costume before I hand Susan a pack of matches! Run, Forrest, run!

Nathan Porl:
Trent? What the hell is wrong with him?

Susan Darkholme:
He's a stupid, untalented man-whore with brain the size of a retarded hamster!

Nathan Porl:
Okay, I'm with you so far, now what's the problem?

Billie Parker:
And we'll keep him dressed all in black and have him be almost phantom like. It'll be so out there, people will think we're being all artsy and experimental.

Nathan Porl:
It makes absolutely no sense in the context of the play, but that's never stopped us before.