Faking It

Amy Raudenfeld:
[Discussing their exes] Tommy's an a**hole.

Lauren Cooper:
Yeah, well Karma's a b*tch.

Duke Lewis Jr.:
You want to get out of here?

Lauren Cooper:
I thought you'd never ask.

Theo:
No way! I brought her here, I'm taking her home.

Duke Lewis Jr.:
You know I'm a black belt in four martial arts right?

Theo:
I'm a black belt too... in ass whopping.

Lauren Cooper:
Oooh! You passed the test. You can totally be my boyfriend!

Theo:
What about Duke?

Lauren Cooper:
He's obvioiusly gay and on a date with Shane.

Reagan:
Life's too short to chase someone who's chasing someone else!

Shane:
She's so two-dimensional she's practically a character in "Glee".

Amy Raudenfeld:
I can't pull this off much longer. I'm so clearly not a lesbian. And if everyone at school finds out we're faking it, they might overcome their opposition to the death penalty!

Principal Penelope:
I love lesbian humour. Look I didn't have a chance to order a second tiara so would one of you be willing to wear the crown? I'm guessing Amy but I don't want to make assumptions.

Liam Booker:
I've been wanting to do this for so long.

Karma Ashcroft:
Me too. Wait, how long have you been wanting to do this?

Liam Booker:
What? Have sex with a lesbian? Pretty much since birth. I know it's cliche but what straight guy hasn't? What? What's wrong?

Karma Ashcroft:
I don't know! I was in to this, now I'm not; what can I say, I'm mercurial. Uh, sorry to be a tease but I should probably get back to my girlfriend.

Liam Booker:
I don't get it! We're rounding third and heading home and all of a sudden she walks off the field.

Shane:
I'm so confused and not just because of the sports analogy. Who's this girl you're hooking up with?

Amy Raudenfeld:
Hey! What are you doing right now?

Shane Harvey:
Going to school like a normal person. Did you snort some meth this morning?

Amy Raudenfeld:
I need you to help me find a girlfriend. I think.

Shane Harvey:
Amy, you already have a girlfriend. If these people find out you're faking they will lynch you and not even notice the irony!

Amy Raudenfeld:
Well I'm not faking and that's the problem! If I'm having these feelings for Karma I must be a lesbian.

Shane Harvey:
Whoa! I think it's too soon to bust out the label maker.

Amy Raudenfeld:
You're the one who outed me to the entire school! Remember?

Shane Harvey:
Yes. But now I realize you're much more complicated. And interesting!

Shane Harvey:
[Waiting for Amy to return from a date] Finally! So was it love at first sight?

Amy Raudenfeld:
She was really cool. I was a hot mess.

Shane Harvey:
OK, moving on. Internet dating is a numbers game. Let's get back on the horse.

Amy Raudenfeld:
I don't wanna meet another girl.

Shane Harvey:
A boy?

Amy Raudenfeld:
I don't want to meet another boy.

Shane Harvey:
That limits your options.

Amy Raudenfeld:
Lauren, I'm not thrilled our parents are engaged either, but don't piss me off. I have access to your toothbrush!

Amy Raudenfeld:
Thanks again for the party. I need to not be here anymore.

Karma Ashcroft:
Women are genetically wired to mate and start a family. In fact, if we weren't, our entire species would have died out. So have some respect.

Karma Ashcroft:
Liam's parents are rich but he drives a beat up bio-diesel which means he's socially aware. His best friends are a gay guy and a feminist which means he's tolerant and accepting of strong women. And he's an artist which means deep down inside he's wounded.

Amy Raudenfeld:
If only he were a vampire he'd be perfect. Now shut up, gym class was torture enough.

Liam Booker:
[Discussing attending a MMA class to deal with a broken heart] Shane, I'm sorry but that class is just what the doctor order.

Shane Harvey:
You're not the doctor, you're the patient. You can't prescribe your own medicine!

Shane Harvey:
[Running into Lauren in the art room] Lurk much Lauren! What are you doing here? You're opposed to art education.

Lauren Cooper:
We should waste tax dollars on people who don't want real jobs!

Lauren Cooper:
[Discussing Theo] I like him, OK? So you better not screw it up.

Shane Harvey:
Trust me, I won't. I am all for you two mating.

Lauren Cooper:
You are?

Shane Harvey:
A high maintenance time consuming girlfriend is exactly what Theo needs.

Lauren Cooper:
Right!

Shane Harvey:
[Flirting at a gay bar] So, what's your favourite movie?

Nate:
My favourite films explore the emotional destruction caused by 9/11.

Shane Harvey:
You know what? I just realized my parents are getting divorced and I no longer believe in love. Please excuse me.

Amy Raudenfeld:
[See's Karma and Liam holding hands] Red Rover, Red Rover, send Karma right over.

Karma Ashcroft:
Liam Booker is my boyfriend! My very first boyfriend. It's like getting your first car and, surprise, it's a Ferrari!

Amy Raudenfeld:
I hear they get terrible gas mileage.

Karma Ashcroft:
Time to update my online relationship status. Sorry market, I am off you.

Farrah:
Is Amy up? I have to drive Nana home and she promised to run interference. I am not in the mood for my mother's constructive criticism.

Lauren Cooper:
I could go if you want. Old people love me; I share their values.

Amy Raudenfeld:
What the hell was that? "You're only as sick as your secrets"?

Liam Booker:
I'm sorry but the guilt is killing me.

Amy Raudenfeld:
Oh, well this little piggy went "Boo hoo hoo" all the way home. Man up!

Liam Booker:
So what? We just pretend it never happened?

Amy Raudenfeld:
What happened? See how easy that was?

Amy Raudenfeld:
How is posting a pic with me going to help Liam fall in love with you?

Karma Ashcroft:
He's severely allergic to commitment. I'm a lesbian with a girlfriend which makes me hypoallergenic. His defenses are down, now I just need to show him how perfect we'd be together.

Oliver:
[Discussing a school wide protest] I figured you'd be more into this kind of thing being that you're Homecoming Queen and all.

Amy Raudenfeld:
Nah, this is more my girlfriend's kind of thing. She get's involved in school activities, I stand back and silently hate them.