Fast Times at Ridgemont High

Mike Damone:
I mean don't just walk in. You move across the room. And you don't talk to her. You use your face. You use your body. You use everything. That's what I do. I mean I just send out this vibe and I have personally found that women do respond. I mean, something happens.

Mark Ratner:
Well, naturally something happens. I mean, you put the vibe out to 30 million chicks, something is gonna happen.

Mike Damone:
That's the idea, Rat. That's the attitude.

Mark Ratner:
The attitude?

Mike Damone:
Yeah! The attitude dictates that you don't care whether she comes, stays, lays, or prays. I mean whatever happens, your toes are still tappin'. Now when you got that, then you have the attitude.

Mike Damone:
Look at you: member of the honor roll, assistant to the assistant manager of the movie theater. I'm tellin' ya, Rat, if this girl can't smell your qualifications, then who needs her, right?

Jeff Spicoli:
This is U.S. History, I see the globe right there.

Jeff Spicoli:
Aloha, Mr. Hand.

Mike Damone:
I can see it all now, this is gonna be just like last summer. You fell in love with that girl at the Fotomat, you bought forty dollars worth of f***in' film, and you never even talked to her. You don't even own a camera.

Mike Damone:
You are a wuss: part wimp, and part p*ssy.

Mike Damone:
First of all Rat, you never let on how much you like a girl. "Oh, Debbie. Hi." Two, you always call the shots. "Kiss me. You won't regret it." Now three, act like wherever you are, that's the place to be. "Isn't this great?" Four, when ordering food, you find out what she wants, then order for the both of you. It's a classy move. "Now, the lady will have the linguini and white clam sauce, and a Coke with no ice." And five, now this is the most important, Rat. When it comes down to making out, whenever possible, put on side one of Led Zeppelin IV.

Mr. Hand:
Am I hallucinating here? Just what in the hell do you think you're doing?

Jeff Spicoli:
Learning about Cuba, and having some food.

Brad Hamilton:
Why don't you get a job Spicoli?

Jeff Spicoli:
What for?

Brad Hamilton:
You need money.

Jeff Spicoli:
All I need are some tasty waves, a cool buzz, and I'm fine.

Jefferson's Brother:
My brother's gonna kill us! He's gonna kill us! He's gonna kill you and he's gonna kill me, he's gonna kill us!

Jeff Spicoli:
Hey man, just be glad I had fast reflexes!

Jefferson's Brother:
My brother's gonna sh*t!

Jeff Spicoli:
Make up your mind, dude, is he gonna sh*t or is he gonna kill us?

Jefferson's Brother:
First he's gonna sh*t, then he's gonna kill us!

Jeff Spicoli:
Relax, alright? My old man is a television repairman, he's got this ultimate set of tools. I can fix it.

Jeff Spicoli:
No shirt, no shoes...

Brad Hamilton:
Right. Learn it. Know it. Live it.

Jeff Spicoli:
He's the full hot orator.

Jeff Spicoli:
That was my skull! I'm so wasted!

Stacy Hamilton:
When a guy has an orgasm, how much comes out?

Linda Barrett:
A quart or so.

Businessman:
It says one hundred percent guaranteed, you moron!

Brad Hamilton:
Mister, if you don't shut up I'm gonna kick one hundred percent of your ass!

Jeff Spicoli:
So what Jefferson was saying was "Hey! You know, we left this England place because it was bogus. So if we don't get some cool rules ourselves, pronto, we'll just be bogus too." Yeah?

Mike Damone:
I think I just came... didn't you feel it?

Curtis Spicoli:
Dad says you have to get up

Jeff Spicoli:
LEAVE ME ALONE!

Curtis Spicoli:
Dad says you're gonna be late again you butthole!

Jeff Spicoli:
LEAVE ME ALONE!

Curtis Spicoli:
Dad says you're gonna be late again you booger!

Brad Hamilton:
GET OFF MY CASE MOTHERF***ER!

Jeff Spicoli:
Those guys are fags.

Mr. Hand:
What are you, people? On dope?

Mike Damone:
I woke up in a great mood; I don't know what the hell happened.

Mr. Vargas:
Are you in my class?

Jeff Spicoli:
I am today.

Mr. Hand:
Mr. Spicoli, what's your excuse for your truancy?

Jeff Spicoli:
I just couldn't make it on time.

Mr. Hand:
You couldn't or wouldn't come to class?

Jeff Spicoli:
Well, there was a long line in the cafeteria and I was having a hit of the munchies...

Mr. Hand:
Food will be eaten on your time, Mr. Spicoli. Mr. Spicoli, why are you continually late for this class? Why are you continually wasting my time and the classes with this tirade every day?

Jeff Spicoli:
Uh, uh... I don't know.

Damone:
Can you honestly tell me you forgot? Forgot the magnetism of Robin Zander, or the charisma of Rick Nielsen?

Brad Hamilton:
Hey, you guys had shirts on when you came in here.

Jeff Spicoli:
Well, something must have happened to them.

Brad Hamilton:
Since when do you go bowling?

Brad Hamilton:
Hope You had a hell of a piss, Arnold!

Linda Barrett:
Did you see his cute little butt?

Jeff Spicoli:
Awesome! Totally awesome! All right, Hamilton!

Stacy Hamilton:
I want a relationship. I want romance.

Linda Barrett:
In Ridgemont? We can't even get cable TV here, Stacy, and you want romance.

[upon entering the restaurant, Spicoli and his two friends take off their shirts]

Brad:
Hey, you guys had shirts on when you came in here.

Spicoli:
Well, something must have happened to them.

[Brad points out the sign on the door]

Spicoli:
[reading] No shirt, no shoes...

Spicoli and Stoner Buds:
No dice! Ohhhh.

Brad:
Right. Learn it. Know it. Live it.

Spicoli:
He's the full hot orator.

[The guys begin counting out change to pay for their food]

Brad:
Why don't you get a job Spicoli?

Spicoli:
What for?

Brad:
You need money.

Spicoli:
All I need are some tasty waves, a cool buzz, and I'm fine.

Spicoli:
Hey, you're ripping my card.

Mr. Hand:
Yes.

Spicoli:
Hey bud, what's your problem?

Mr. Hand:
No problem at all. I think you know where the front office is.

Spicoli:
[stunned] You dick!

Mr. Hand:
[passing back quizzes] C, D, F, F, F. Three weeks we've been talking about the Platt Amendment. What are you people, on dope? Where is Jeff Spicoli? I saw him earlier today, near the first floor bathrooms, is he still on campus? Anyone?

[Desmond raises hand]

Mr. Hand:
Yes, Desmond?

Desmond:
I saw him outside, near the food machines.

Mr. Hand:
How long ago?

Desmond:
Right before class.

Mr. Hand:
All right. Bring him in.

[Desmond exits]

Mr. Hand:
What is this fascination with truancy? What is it that gets inside of your heads? There are some teachers at this school who look the other way at truants. It's a little game you both play. They pretend they don't see you, and you pretend you don't ditch! Now, in the end, who pays the price? YOU!

Spicoli:
[entering] Hey, wait a minute. There's no birthday party for me here! Hola, Mr. Hand.

Mr. Hand:
What's the reason for your truancy?

Spicoli:
Just couldn't make it on time.

Mr. Hand:
You mean you couldn't or wouldn't?

Spicoli:
See, there was a full crowd at the food lines.

Mr. Hand:
Food will be eaten on your time. Why are you continuously late for this class, Mr. Spicoli? Why must you shamelessly waste my time like this?

Spicoli:
[thinks it over] I don't know.

Mr. Hand:
[writes I DON'T KNOW on the chalkboard and then steps back to admire it] I like that. Hmm Hmm. "I don't know," that's nice. 'Mr. Hand, will I pass this class?' 'Gee Mr. Spicoli, I don't know.' That's nice, I really like that. You know what I'm gonna do? I'm going to leave your words on my board for all my classes to enjoy, giving you full credit of course, Mr. Spicoli.

Spicoli:
All right!

Damone:
This is going to be great, Rat. It's like the highlight of their day.

Mark:
Hey maybe we'd better call first. I dunno about dropping in like...

Damone:
What are you kidding? We're gonna surprise them. Look, just fix your collar, alright? Relax, just be cool, attitude, remember? Where'd you get that, outta the hamper?

Mark:
Hey, come on, this is clean.

Damone:
Look Rat, it's like riding a bike. Fall off; you're right back on. Mess up a date, do it again.

[Spicoli has had a pizza delivered to class]

Mr. Hand:
Am I hallucinating here? Just what in the hell do you think you're doing?

Spicoli:
Learning about Cuba, and having some food.

Mr. Hand:
Mr.Spicoli, You're on dangerous ground here. You're causing a major disturbance on my time.

Spicoli:
I've been thinking about this, Mr. Hand. If I'm here and you're here, doesn't that make it our time? Certainly, there's nothing wrong with a little feast on our time.

Mr. Hand:
[takes away box of pizza from Spicoli] You're absolutely right, Mr. Spicoli. It is our time. Yours, mine and everyone else's in this room. But it is my class.

Mr. Hand:
[calls up a couple of students] Mr. Spicoli has been kind enough to bring us a snack. Be my guest. Help yourselves. Get a good one.

Stacy:
Linda, I finally figured it out. I don't want sex. Anyone can have sex.

Linda:
Yeah, Stacy? What do you want?

Stacy:
I want a relationship. I want romance.

Linda:
You want romance? In Ridgemont? We can't even get cable TV here, Stacy, and you want romance!

Linda:
[On the phone with Stacy] I told you to tell Mike to pay for it. Why didn't you tell him?

Stacy:
Linda, he didn't show up.

Linda:
That little prick.

Stacy:
I even called his house, and his mother told me that he was in the garage out by his father.

Linda:
Well, Mike Damone's a no brain little prick Stacy. I'm not gonna let him get away with this.

Stacy:
Linda, please don't do anything. I don't even like the guy.

Linda:
Stacy, he's not a guy. He's a little prick.

[The next morning, Mike gets up from his apartment room to head to his car and finds the word Prick spray painted on his door.]

Mark:
[inside the locker room] Mike tell me what went on between you and Stacy.

Damone:
We were out messing around and something happened.

Mark:
What do you mean something happened.

Damone:
Look I never even talked to her again. Rat if you asked me she's a very aggressive girl.

Mark:
No, I don't know what you mean.

Damone:
Rat, She never really was your girlfriend.

Mark:
You know Damone I always stick up for you. They say oh, Damone that loud mouth - and they say that a lot. I say oh, no you just don't know Damone. I mean when they call you an idiot, I say Damone's not an idiot. Well, you know something maybe they know you pretty good. Maybe I'm just starting to find out.

Damone in locker room after skuffle with Rat:

"I woke up in a great mood. I dont know what the hell happened"

Mike Damone to Ratner:

“Wherever I am, that’s the place to be.”

Ultimate cool!!

Brad Hamilton:
[After being caught masturbating by Linda] Doesn't anybody ever f***ing knock anymore??