Feed the Fish

[first lines]

Aaron Aaronson:
We've here today with local Venice Beach children's author, Joe Peterson, who has exploded onto the scene with what is going to be a series of nine tough-love kids books. Hello Joe...

Joe Peterson:
Hey, how are you.

Aaron Aaronson:
Look at these kids. This is incredible. So what can you tell us about this tough-love aspect. It reminds me of the books that I read when I was a kid. No Coddling. This is not a warm and fuzzy book. It's not every day that you have a warm cuddly kitten devoured by a vicious piranha.

Joe Peterson:
That's true, um, I think that the parents respond to the moral lesson. You know, if you don't listen to your parents, something bad will happen. And I think the kids really respond to the violence, ya know. I think that kids really like violence. Who likes violence, here?

Gathered Children:
[all cheer]

Joe Peterson:
What's the plan?

JP:
The plan is to focus. My father focused, my grandfather did. His father before him. Focus!

Sheriff Andersen:
What happened?

Joe Peterson:
I don't know, I wasn't with him. I went for a walk, I heard him screaming.

Sheriff Andersen:
Might have been a squirrel.

Joe Peterson:
A squirrel? You think a squirrel could do that kind of damage?

Sheriff Andersen:
Gathering nuts for the winter.

Axel Andersen:
A walk! Nobody goes for a walk around here, it's goddamn 10 degrees!

[last lines]

Joe Peterson:
You know what I'm thinking?

Sif Andersen:
What?

Joe Peterson:
...I think we should go in!

Sif Andersen:
No. No. No!

Joe Peterson:
Ha ha ha ha!

Sif Andersen:
No! No! No!