Flubber

Phillip Brainard:
If we were interested in making money, we wouldn't have become teachers.

Phillip Brainard:
I love you with every cell, with every atom. I love you on a subatomic level.

Weebo:
Maybe you should just go without me.

Professor Philip 'Phil' Brainard:
Why?

Weebo:
Because I get car sick.

Professor Philip 'Phil' Brainard:
Oh, come on. You're not gonna blow chips.

Weebo:
No!

Professor Philip 'Phil' Brainard:
You don't have a stomach.

Weebo:
I have a queasy gyro.

Wilson Croft:
What happened between us, Phil?

Professor Philip 'Phil' Brainard:
Well, I just got tired of you stealing my ideas, Wilson.

Wilson Croft:
I'm not an innovator like you, Phil. I'm an adapter, and to that end, I have profited from your ideas.

Professor Philip 'Phil' Brainard:
Why are you here?

Wilson Croft:
Well, to be honest. I'm here this weekend to steal your fiancee. And make her my wife.

Professor Philip 'Phil' Brainard:
Well, I think you'll be sadly disappointed.

Professor Philip "Phil" Brainard:
I was just gonna, you know, grade my lunch, eat a few tests and hope for the best.

Martha George:
[about the excitement of getting married] How do you hold in it?

Professor Philip "Phil" Brainard:
[thinking she meant waste] Well, like everybody else, Ruthie. I just cross my legs real tight.

Martha George:
[gets a little tickled by that answers] I was talking about your excitement.

Weebo:
I believe that a woman should love a man for what he is, not for what she wants him to be.

Chester Hoenicker:
All right. One more time, what happened?

Wesson:
He took a golf ball. He rubbed this cream on it and then the golf ball took and...

Wesson:
...popped Smith in the head.

Smith:
Several times.

Chester Hoenicker:
Mm-hmm.

Wesson:
I got hit with a bowling ball.

Smith:
Repeatedly.

Chester Hoenicker:
Were you drinking?

Wesson:
No.

Smith:
Two beers at dinner. Wesson had a white wine.

Wesson:
With dinner.

Chester Hoenicker:
Right.

Wesson:
It's this stuff he's got, sir. It's... I don't know what it is. I don't know where it come from, but...

Wesson:
...It will give you one heck of a headache.

Chester Hoenicker:
Oh... goodness.

Professor Philip "Phil" Brainard:
[high-pitched voice] This definitely has applications in the field of sports. Ho, ho, ho! Yes!

Rutland:
Hey, are you blind? They're doin' something illegal out there.

Refree:
Coach, nowhere in the rule book does it say anything about jumpin' too high. Now sit down!

Father:
There's not a darn thing to be afraid of, pal. How can anything get in your window? It's closed, okay?

Chester Hoenicker:
You came to repay your loan?

Professor Philip "Phil" Brainard:
No.

Chester Hoenicker:
I know you didn't. I was just having a little fun.

Professor Philip "Phil" Brainard:
I'm here to sell you the Flubber.

Chester Hoenicker:
You been to your house recently?

Professor Philip "Phil" Brainard:
Yes.

Chester Hoenicker:
Do I really need to buy it?

Professor Philip "Phil" Brainard:
Flubber's a very quixotic substance. It's very difficult to handle. Have you tried to do anything with it?

Chester Hoenicker:
My man is working on it. It won't be a problem.

Professor Philip "Phil" Brainard:
Well, I could make it a lot easier for you. If you give us a 30 day extension on the loan, I'll tell you everything I know... and make you a great deal of Flubber.

Chester Hoenicker:
I'll give you the 30 days, and after that you give me two years. Whatever you come up with over the next two years is mine.

Sara Reynolds:
That's not fair.

Chester Hoenicker:
Shop somewhere else, lady.

Professor Philip "Phil" Brainard:
Sara. Sara. I'll do it.

Professor Philip "Phil" Brainard:
Weebo--I've solved all our problems!

Weebo:
[showing an image of Dumbo on her display screen] I'm all ears.

Professor Philip "Phil" Brainard:
Flubber is going to the basketball game.

Professor Philip "Phil" Brainard:
[to Sara, before he attempts to fall out the window with the flubber springing him back up] Ta-ta, my love.

Weebette:
[to Sara] Mom. Mom. Flubber's gone. [to Flubber] Get back here!

Weebette:
When we get to the hotel, I don't care what you say. I'm not sharing a room with him. Look at him. He's gross. He bounces all the time. He squeaks. He phase-shifts. I mean, he's a quasi-plasmoid. If it's hot in Hawaii, I hope he melts.

Weebo:
Um, Professor? Why the long face?

Professor Philip "Phil" Brainard:
I think you know why.

Weebo:
[Showing a picture of Sara] Maybe a Sara issue?

Professor Philip "Phil" Brainard:
Wish I understand human beings. Wish I understand women. Wish I understand emotions and passions. Wish I understand any of that. If I did, I woudn't have had to spend my entire life in a laboratory trying to figure out how the world works. I would've been out in the world trying to figure out why it works. [Weebo records Phillip Brainard on her display screen] I know I love her, Weebo. Every neuron in my limbic system is saturated with phenylethylamine. That triggers euphoria, elation exhilaration. Truth is, Weebo, I'm not absent-minded because I'm selfish, crazy or inconsiderate. I'm absent-minded because I'm in love with Sara.

Weebo:
Oh, Professor.

Chester Hoenicker:
Brainard had something to do with this.

Wesson:
I-It's the same stuff we saw the other night, over at his house.

Chester Hoenicker:
(sarcastically) Right.

Phillip:
There's no change that anything could go wrong!