George Carlin: Complaints and Grievances

George Carlin:
Here's a group of musical vermin whose mother's we wished had a health plan involving abortion: Singers with one name. Bono, Sting, Jewel, Tiffany. They're too important to have a last name. What a crock of sh*t! Get a last f***ing name. Here's a two word name for you; Pretentious Cocksucker! Huh, how do you like that? It's bad enough the music sucks, BONO! Besides, without a last name you can't find out where they live to throw a f***ing bomb through their window.

George Carlin:
I drive kinda recklessly, I take a lot of chances, I never repair my vehicles, and I don't believe in traffic laws.

George Carlin:
Here's something you never hear a guy say: "Stop sucking my dick, or I'll call the police!"

George Carlin:
Guys who fly around the world in a f***in' balloon. What is this, 1850? Get a f***in' airline ticket, would you please? And when are the media going to realize that people are not interested in some rich trouser stain who's so bored he's got to fly around in a balloon all day? I hope the next guy gets hit by lightning! And flies around in little fart circles: Fffffffffffffffbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbb! And lands in a sewage treatment pond. And sinks with the rest of the turds!

George Carlin:
Here's another pack of jackoffs who ought to be strangled in front of their children. People who pay for inexpensive items with a credit card. You know? Folks, take my word for this, Raisinetts is NOT a major purchase. Get some f***ing cash together. No one should be paying the bank eighteen percent interest on Tic-Tacs. And you're holding up the f***ing line, too. Some dorky looking prick with a fanny pack waiting to be approved for a bag of Cheese Doodles. I need this like I need an infected scrotum. Get some f***ing money. Next guy in front of me that pays for Newsweek with a credit card is getting stabbed in the eyes!

George Carlin:
Here's another group of mutants with missing chromosomes who ought to be thrown screaming from a helicopter. Gun enthusiasts. "Yeah, I'm a gun enthusiast." Oh yeah? Well I'm a blowj*b enthusiast. Wanna see me shoot? Cock this and I'll discharge a load for you.

George Carlin:
And speaking of mindless Hollywood cocksuckers, before Charlton Heston became President of these dickless lunatics in the NRA, they had a different guy. He's still one of their major spokesman, and his name is Wayne LaPierre. Doesn't that sound a bit fruitty to you? "Hi, I'm Wayne, I'm a gun person. Bang bang!" You know what this guy's name ought to be? Biff Webster. Spud Crowley, a man's name! Chuck Steak!