Getting That Girl

Ferrat Barret:
[sipping a beer before school] F*** yeah, dude! Two more months and this whole sh*t-burger is in the f***in' can-man.

Andy Wasilewski:
Woooweee! Sixth grade function, eighth grade dance, tenth grade luau, last year's prom... I can't wait to be out of this f***in' prison, man. F***in' high school!

Ferrat Barret:
F***ig' do you think we'll even be remembered man? Do you think the kids will still look up to us, talk about us... when we're all done with this sh*t, man?

Andy Wasilewski:
I mean it depends... but I think it'll kind of be like Boozer. You know-like we lover Boozer, but the kids don't even know he exists.

Ferrat Barret:
So we're like Boozer-style now?

Andy Wasilewski:
Dude, we're like the Boozers of our generation.

Ferrat Barret:
[after a somber pause] I need a steady f***ing girlfriend, man.

Andy Wasilewski:
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! You be careful, that's a dangerous, dangerous thing to say.

Ferrat Barret:
I need the steady p*ssy, dude.

Andy Wasilewski:
[shaking his head] Nuh-umm.

Ferrat Barret:
Yeah dude.

Andy Wasilewski:
Nuh-umm.

Ferrat Barret:
F*** yeah!

Mr. Mark:
[standing in front of the classroom, sipping a coffee mug filled with whiskey] Well, well, well seniors. Enjoy this time, people! You may all whine right now if you like but allow me to be the first one to tell you that sexually transmitted diseases, crack cocaine, automatic weapons, peer pressure, and getting into a decent college... are nothing compared to the virtual hell that is going to hit you when you step into the real world as full-grown adults. Anyway...

Mr. Mark:
I understand we have someone new in our class this morning... so, so late in the semester? Huh, here we are. Very interesting. Please stand up and tell us your name.

Mandy Meyers:
[stands up in front of the class] Uh, I'm Mandy Meyers.

Mr. Mark:
[staring at Mandy's crotch area] Welcome to Los Angeles. I'm sure you'll prove to be a fine... fine asset to our classroom.

Mr. Mark:
Will you just sit down, Ms. Jacobs... so we can get on with today's lesson!

Mr. Mark:
As if I've got so many other things to do... Mr. Sh*t-For-Brains.

Jini Jacobs:
I'm Jini Jacobs... Who the hell are you?

Ferrat Barret:
F*** man, probably if anyone's a shot at it you probably do. That's your type of chick. The smart, pretty girls... they want to change you. They want to heal you... Mutha F***a!

Andy Wasilewski:
[deep in thought] You're right. Smart chicks do like me...

Andy Wasilewski:
[upon seeing Mandy for the 1st time] Sweet honey-hole of God!

Mandy Meyers:
[looking back at Andy and Ferrat] Who are those guys? They're kind of cute.

Jini Jacobs:
Uh... the one on the left is Ferrat, like the animal. His real name is Richard Barret. And the other is... Andy Wasilewski.

Mandy Meyers:
Hmm...

Jini Jacobs:
They're both slackers and definitely not cute once you get to know them. All those two do is get loaded, jack off, and try to put their d*cks in girls who don't know any better. They're entirely unreliable, excessively immature - all in all, horrible boyfriend material. Basically... just losers with no futures.

Boozer Wagner:
[smoking a marijuana joint] So-ugh - are you guys hit

Ferrat Barret:
F***ing...

Andy Wasilewski:
Not really.

Ferrat Barret:
Pretty dry out there-bro - to be honest... but there's this new f***ing chick at our school that just came in out of nowhere, last minute-style... F***ing... I don't

Andy Wasilewski:
Yeah dude. She's pretty solid.

Boozer Wagner:
Heh, hehehe... Classic!

Ferrat Barret:
F***ing... we don't know what her deal is though dude... she could be a f***ing total prude. She's in all the f***ing honors classes and sh*t so... I don't know. Hard to tell, Boozer... what do you think that tells us?

Boozer Wagner:
I don't know... could be a good thing? New girl... in a new school... in a new city... She's going to want to let loose her goose.

Andy Wasilewski:
[reflective] Never thought about that.

George Meyers:
So, how was your first day at school dear?

Mandy Meyers:
It was all right.

Rita Meyers:
Did you meet anyone interesting?

Mandy Meyers:
Kind of... I went to the mall after school with a couple of girls. They're really different from my friends in D.C... but really cool - L.A. style.

George Meyers:
Do you think you can handle all of your classes? Don't forget your school happens to be one of the top public schools in the greater Los Angeles area. I'm sure the work load must be tremendous.

Mandy Meyers:
Are you having a nervous breakdown? "Your school happens to be one of the top public schools in the greater Los Angeles area." Everything will be fine.

George Meyers:
[smiles nervously] And that's exactly what I keep telling your Mother.

Rita Meyers:
[rolls her eyes] Um-hum.

Jini Jacobs:
[smoking a joint in her Range Rover while Mandy sits shotgun & Jenna makes out with her boyfriend Joe] God, my parents are such losers. Just as I was about to step out the door they actually sat me down and had this big talk with me about parental guidance and all that good judgment bullshit.

Bill Beauchanon:
[raising a shot of tequila for a toast] Here's to you - you two dizzy faggots. And Tiffany, to your alcoholism... and you playing Beethoven on my skin flute tonight? Ha, cheers!

Tiffany, Tommy Bush, Chubs Murphy:
[toasting their shot glasses] Cheers!

Tiffany:
[grabbing Bill by the shirt] Okay then, Bill... you beautiful piece of sh*t.

Bill Beauchanon:
[kissing Jini, as she and Mandy approach the bar table] You made it baby.

Jini Jacobs:
Oh Mandy, this is Bill. Bill, this is my new best friend... Mandy Meyers.

Bill Beauchanon:
[to Mandy] Welcome to McDermott High... quite f***ing possibly the most awesome high school in the entire planet! I'm an All State running back. Nice to meet you. My name is Bill... Bill Beauchanon.

Tommy Bush:
[shouts] Bill the Thrill-Yeah! BABY!

Bill Beauchanon:
Bill: BOOM!

Mandy Meyers:
Mandy: Nice to meet you, Bill.

Bill Beauchanon:
[cooly sips his beer] Likewise

Jini Jacobs:
[snorts a line of cocaine] Now I want to f***!

Jenna Jeffries:
[smoking a fat marijuana joint In a circle of gawking boys] Smoking's the best, dude. Especially when it's like a big fat joint... the bigger the better.

Tommy Bush:
[to Andy and Ferrat as he slips his arm around Mandy] Andrew... Boozer... How you two bastards doin' tonight?

Andy Wasilewski:
[Andy & Ferrat float on rafts in Andy's pool, drinking Long Island Ice-Teas] I wrote Mandy Meyers a love letter.

Ferrat Barret:
I don't want to be the dick here but didn't you see her f***ing leave with Tommy at Boozer's party last night?

Andy Wasilewski:
Ah come on now... we all make mistakes.

Mandy Meyers:
[approaches Andy, who's sitting under a tree reading a book] Hey.

Andy Wasilewski:
Hey, what's up?

Mandy Meyers:
What are you doing here so late? It's kind of strange seeing you here 50 minutes after the last bell... with a book.

Andy Wasilewski:
Who says there's no surprises anymore? All you got to do is break some rules.

Mandy Meyers:
That's a very liberating thought... but if you break too many rules you wind up in jail.

Andy Wasilewski:
If we're not in jail already... where the f*** are we?

Mandy Meyers:
[rolls her eyes] Purely out of curiosity... What in life do you care about?

Andy Wasilewski:
That's a very personal question... Why do you want to know?

Mandy Meyers:
Like I said... purely out of curiosity.

Jini Jacobs:
Mandy! Where were you last night? I called your cell like 11 times - no return phone call. What's up with that bullshit?

Ferrat Barret:
[to Andy] If you like this girl, don't f*** it up. Guys like you and me have self-destructivive tendencies and we need to learn how to control them.

Mandy Meyers:
[cuddling after just having sex] We need to talk.

Andy Wasilewski:
About what?

Mandy Meyers:
I want to make this exclusive.

Andy Wasilewski:
Well, I thought that's what it was?

Mandy Meyers:
Can you truly handle that - full blown monogamy?

Andy Wasilewski:
Yeah, I can handle that... monogamy. [nervous pause] This is exactly what I've always dreamed of and I didn't even know it until I met you. There are definitely no other girls.

Mandy Meyers:
I like the sound of that.

Andy Wasilewski:
Yeah?

Mandy Meyers:
[smiling] Yeah...

Jini Jacobs:
[aggressively rushing up to Mandy at the school cafeteria] You penny whore! I can't believe you blatantly disobeyed my direct orders! You and Andy are going steady, like boyfriend and girlfriend... What are you thinking? Oh, and please tell me you didn't already f*** him - did you?

Mandy Meyers:
What do you think I did with him, Jini?

Jini Jacobs:
Oh, my f***in' god! That's why you've been acting so weird lately!

Jini Jacobs:
[to Mandy] You think about what you're doing with your slutty little life! Devise a plan for improvement and forgiveness and maybe... just maybe, we can be friends. But if you want to embarrass yourself, you are not taking me down with you. This ain't D.C. anymore, Dorothy... This is L.A! And it's all about who and what you know... and I'm sorry to say, without me you're not worth two shits here at McDermott.

Bill Beauchanon:
[hunched in the English building bathroom stall] Andy Wasilewski! God - I hate that fat-headed bastard! [snorts a line of cocaine off the toilet paper dispenser] 'Oh, I'm Wasilewski and I don't care about anything because I'm gay!' Sh*t-man - just when you think he's finally out, he sneaks through the back door and pounds you in the ass! [Bill slams his hand hard against the tile wall]

Chubs Murphy:
Yeah, but he's a good guy... I mean I don't know anybody who could really say they hate him.

Bill Beauchanon:
What the f*** Chubs! Why don't you suck his dick while you're at it? I hate Weaselewski! Mandy Meyers is a slut and a whore! How the hell does he get all these chicks anyway?

Chubs Murphy:
[snorts line of cocaine] Well... you know... he's funny and he's cool with everyone - even the fags.

Bill Beauchanon:
What! [Bill violently grabs Chubs by the throat] That's f***ing bullshit - you fat f***er! You can stand around and pretend nothing is going on but I'm not going to let this happen. Look at me... that pothead's not going to ruin a great senior year for the rest of us. All right?

Chubs Murphy:
All right.

Bill Beauchanon:
Let's get the f*** out of here!