Ghostwriter

Jamal Jenkins:
He's a ghost... and he writes to us. Ghostwriter.

Alejandro "Alex" Fernandez:
Ghostwriter, what a trip.

Hector Carrero:
[reading a note with the word "disguise" in it] "Do you see me now through my dis-gweeze... dis-gwize? Dis-quize?" Man! This guy writes some weird letters!

Max's girlfriend:
It's got zizz!

Calvin Ferguson:
[singing off key] Attila the parrot, you were my best friend. You'd nip my nose sweetly, right up through the end!

[Gaby has just seen Ghostwriter]

Alejandro "Alex" Fernandez:
Gaby, Gaby, Gaby...

Jamal Jenkins, Alejandro "Alex" Fernandez, Lenni Frazier:
[Alex, Jamal, and Lenni push her into a chair] Sit down!

Gaby Fernandez:
We're the only ones who see his words. You saw him in the video room so that means he wants you on the team.

Jamal Jenkins:
We think he might be a ghost.

Alejandro "Alex" Fernandez:
Be serious.

Lenni Frazier:
He sees things, but he can't hear and he can't talk. If you want to talk to him, you have to write it out because he can read anything.

Lenni Frazier:
[rapping] People always talkin' 'bout how the world needs to change, but not when it's their life. They got to rearrange. So knock wood for the kids in the hood who'll pick up the slack, leadin' the pack on the right track.

Jamal Jenkins:
It's Ghostwriter, man. He's writing to you.

Stoopdude:
Fools! They think they gonna beat the stupendous Stoopdude!

Ghostwriter:
[in writing] Be careful after dark, my children.

Gaby Fernandez:
[Types] I stole the money. I'm bad.

Ghostwriter:
You're not bad, you made a mistake. Your heart is good. Tell the truth.

Gaby Fernandez:
I don't want to go to jail.

Alejandro "Alex" Fernandez:
Don't worry, you won't.

Gaby Fernandez:
By the time I get out of jail, I'll be old and mean and have long hairs growing out of my nose!

Alejandro "Alex" Fernandez:
Gaby, go to sleep!

Calvin Ferguson:
[Reads his name on the suspect list] "Known creep"! How dare they think I stole Cutsie!

Jeffrey Baxter:
You stole Alex's casebook.

Calvin Ferguson:
That's different. I did what any respectable Mokva would do.

Abigail Jefferson:
We've had many, many, many lawyers...

Jordan Jefferson:
And he's had many, many, many more.

Abigail Jefferson:
So after YEARS of losing in court...

Jordan Jefferson:
We decided to get our revenge

Abigail Jefferson, Jordan Jefferson:
The MAKVA way!

Robert (Rob) Baker:
The police are on their way; don't try to escape.

Abigail Jefferson:
We...

Jordan Jefferson:
won't...

Abigail Jefferson:
We promise! We're Abigail

Jordan Jefferson:
- and Jordan...

Abigail Jefferson, Jordan Jefferson:
JEFFERSON! [shake Rob and Alex's hands, staining them blue]

Robert (Rob) Baker:
Ugh... do you always move and talk like this?

Abigail Jefferson:
Since we were born...

Jordan Jefferson:
no one would play with us because we were... short!

Abigail Jefferson:
So we played together

Jordan Jefferson:
- by making up stories.

Abigail Jefferson:
What we lack in height...

Jordan Jefferson:
we make up for in...

Abigail Jefferson, Jordan Jefferson:
IMAGINATION!

Alejandro (Alex) Fernandez:
Why'd you guys try and steal Cutsie?

Abigail Jefferson:
Because we were cheated!

Jordan Jefferson:
Conned!

Abigail Jefferson:
Ripped off!

Tina Nguyen:
Excuse me, Mr. Slime Monster, Sir...

Gooey Gus the Slime Monster:
What do you want?

Tina Nguyen:
Well, I just want to tell you that... no one's laughing at you!

Gooey Gus the Slime Monster:
I'm sure somebody's laughing SOMEWHERE!

Jamal Jenkins:
Now, why would somebody laugh?

Gooey Gus the Slime Monster:
Just look at me. I'm twisted. And gooey. And purple. I'm... HIDEOUS!

Gabriella 'Gaby' Fernandez:
I don't think so!

[to camera]

Gabriella 'Gaby' Fernandez:
Hey. I'm trying to save my life here. You know what I'm sayin'?

Gooey Gus the Slime Monster:
You really don't think I'm that hideous?

Gabriella 'Gaby' Fernandez:
Really! Purple's my favorite color!

Gooey Gus the Slime Monster:
It's not easy being purple. People call me all kinds of nasty names. Mr. Eggplant. Errr... Grapeboy! And worst of all, they always confuse me with that doofy dinosaur! Oh, I feel SO bad!

Jamal Jenkins:
That's okay, Slimy.

Alejandro "Alex" Fernandez:
Great. For all we know we could have ten kids standing on their heads chewing bubble gum!

Jamal Jenkins:
So what's this really personal question you had to ask me?

Rob Baker:
Am I a white boy to you?

Jamal Jenkins:
Yeah

Rob Baker:
Just a white boy?

Jamal Jenkins:
Well not "just". You're a good friend, y'know, we hang out together and we're on the same team. But I mean you are white, and you're a boy. [Rob frowns] Well, not a boy, y'know, a guy. Like me. I wouldn't like to be called black boy, even though I am black. [pauses] Actually, I'm brown. And you, you're pink! [Snaps his fingers] That's it, a Pink Guy. [Rob hums] Why'd you ask that question anyway?

Rob Baker:
This afternoon a Latino kid called me a white boy.

Jamal Jenkins:
Who?

Rob Baker:
Doesn't matter. It was like he was cursing me. Have you ever been called black boy like that?

Jamal Jenkins:
[nods] Other things too.

Rob Baker:
It was the first time it ever happened to me.

Jamal Jenkins:
Did this kid know you?

Rob Baker:
Nu-huh.

Jamal Jenkins:
Well, my dad says that's why people call other people names. They don't know them. And sometimes, they don't even want to. Or maybe they're scared.

Rob Baker:
[Shakes hands] Thanks man.

Jamal Jenkins:
No problem.

Jamal Jenkins:
Chicken? Moi? All I have to say is, "Yo, Jas! Why not go to the Star Jam with the coolest, hottest, most handsome guy in all of Hurston?" [Jasmine walks up behind Jamal]

Alejandro "Alex" Fernandez:
Ahem!

Jamal Jenkins:
She'll melt right there at my feet.

Alejandro "Alex" Fernandez:
Jamal!

Jamal Jenkins:
What? [Alex points to Jasmine]

Jasmine:
Even if I was an old stick butter that had been left out of the refrigerator for three whole days, you would NOT be hot enough to melt me, Jamal Jenkins.

Alejandro "Alex" Fernandez:
Looks like you blew it, man. [Laughs]

Danitra Jenkins:
Mom, do you have my gold bracelet?

Doris Jenkins:
Why would I have YOUR gold bracelet?

Danitra Jenkins:
I want to be sure and take it with me.

Doris Jenkins:
But why would *I* have it?

Danitra Jenkins:
Dad! I can't get my trunk closed.

Reggie Jenkins:
Try jumping up and down on it four or five times.

Danitra Jenkins:
Dad!

Jamal Jenkins:
How come this basement is always so jam packed with things anyway?

Reggie Jenkins:
Because your grandmother can't ever throw anything away.

Jamal Jenkins:
[finds his baseball cap] Excellent.

Reggie Jenkins:
I guess you can't either.

Jamal Jenkins:
[reading Ghostwriter's message on his computer] 'Help! Help! Help! Help! Where are the children? Are they all right?' Children? What children? What're you talking about? Who are you?

Lenni Frazier:
Hey Alex, another detective novel?

Alejandro 'Alex' Fernandez:
Yep, I'm halfway through it and I think I already figured out who committed the crime.

Lenni Frazier:
Then why bother finishing it?

Alejandro 'Alex' Fernandez:
To prove I'm right.

Jamal Jenkins:
Lenni Frazier tells me that you're good at solving puzzles and mysteries and stuff.

Alejandro 'Alex' Fernandez:
Ah not really... I'm GREAT at it.

Jamal Jenkins:
Alright you Greatness, why don't you take a look at this message? Lenni and I think it's a code. What do you think?

Alejandro 'Alex' Fernandez:
Yeah it's a code alright, pretty tough one.

Jamal Jenkins:
I found it yesterday morning in the park. Um, this button I have here too. I also saw these creepy looking creatures moaning like out of a horror movie or something. Yesterday at school I found this note in my locker warning me to be careful, signed THABTO.

Alejandro 'Alex' Fernandez:
Hmm, now THIS is what I call a mystery. What do you say we take these codes over to the world renowned Fernandez Laboratory, for further analysis?

Jamal Jenkins:
I'm with you, my man. I just hope your laboratory's equipped with a kitchen.

Alejandro 'Alex' Fernandez:
Codes have been around like forever, once we find out what kind of code this is, we can start to decode it.

Jamal Jenkins:
How?

Alejandro 'Alex' Fernandez:
There are two different kinds of codes. One that replaces each letter with a different letter or number. Like this. Take the word eggs. If you see this code, E is 5, G is 7.

Jamal Jenkins:
Oh I get it, so a different number stands for each letter.

Alejandro 'Alex' Fernandez:
That's right, so if you want to write eggs in this code, you write 5-7-7.

Jamal Jenkins:
And S is 19.

Alejandro 'Alex' Fernandez:
Right. There's also another code where you substitute letters for letters.

Jamal Jenkins:
Maybe A could be E?

Alejandro 'Alex' Fernandez:
Right, then there's a whole other code, where you scramble the letters up in a word. Take the word eggs again, let's scramble the letters up. [writes GESG] And you get scrambled eggs!

Jamal Jenkins:
[trying to unscramble the code] I see one already. See this? [GUR] This could be rug.

Alejandro 'Alex' Fernandez:
Great.

Jamal Jenkins:
And I think I see zebra. [PRERZBAL] See there's a Z, an E, a B, an R and an A.

Alejandro 'Alex' Fernandez:
Yeah, but there's a P, R and L leftover.

Jamal Jenkins:
Oh yeah,

Alejandro 'Alex' Fernandez:
This can't be a scrambled code.

Jamal Jenkins:
Why not?

Alejandro 'Alex' Fernandez:
Because no matter how you change these letters around, you can't make a word. [QENL] Look there's a Q, and no U, and Q and U go together in any English word.

Jamal Jenkins:
Yeah, I see, that must mean that this code,

Alejandro 'Alex' Fernandez:
Replaces letters with different letters.

Jamal Jenkins:
Grandma, do you believe in ghosts?

Grandma Jenkins:
Well I hope you're not planning on leaving me here alone with that question. No, I don't, unless they're the good friendly kind that live in memories, things, why'd you ask? What've you been seeing lately?

Alejandro 'Alex' Fernandez:
[writing appears on wall] Alex, Lover of Mysteries! Oh wow. Jamal, what's going on?

Jamal Jenkins:
It's Ghostwriter, man, he's writing to you!

Alejandro "Alex" Fernandez:
[Alex has just sprained his ankle playing basketball] Hey, I'm a man of skill.

Gaby Fernandez:
And just yesterday he was a boy in pain.

Rob Baker:
[Writes] Is Elvis dead?

Ghostwriter:
Who is Elvis?

Lenni Frazier:
Rob! Ask him something serious!

Jamal Jenkins:
[Jamal is talking to his stuffed animals] Bernie the Bear, meet Melvin the Duck. Grrrrr. Oh look, Duck Melvin. It's a bear! I saved you guys from the trash bin so you owe me. One good thing about being stuffed, you don't have to worry about perc, do you?

[Rob knocks at the door]

Jamal Jenkins:
Just a minute!

[Jamal throws the toys into a closet and opens the door]

Jamal Jenkins:
Come on, man. I've been waiting for you!

Rob Baker:
Sorry

Jamal Jenkins:
Let's go

Rob Baker:
So who were you talking to about perc? Ghostwriter?

Jamal Jenkins:
Oh, you know you have to write to him.

Rob Baker:
Who says that?

Jamal Jenkins:
Never mind

Rob Baker:
Who?

Jamal Jenkins:
[yells] Never mind!

Tina Nguyen:
I'm scared, Alex.

Alejandro "Alex" Fernandez:
So am I.

Tina Nguyen:
What if he checks the truck this time? We're going to get caught!

Alejandro "Alex" Fernandez:
Well whatever happens to us, at least we're together. [They gaze at each other and then kiss]

Alejandro "Alex" Fernandez:
I'll run up on stage, give an even bigger speech, and tell Mr. Miller what a creep he is!

Rob Baker:
Yup. That outta scare him.

Alejandro 'Alex' Fernandez:
Feast your ears on this.

Jamal Jenkins:
[the globe starts spinning] Ghostwriter! [Ghostwriter writes on the blackboard 'Who is Mickey Mouse?']

Alejandro 'Alex' Fernandez:
What does he want to know that for?

Jamal Jenkins:
[writes on blackboard] A Disney cartoon. [Ghostwriter writes back 'What is a Disney?']

Alejandro 'Alex' Fernandez:
[writes on the blackboard] Later!

Jamal Jenkins:
We got rid of all the smear fliers.

Lenni Frazier:
All the way to president now.

Alejandro 'Alex' Fernandez:
Yeah, but I don't get it, who'd try and smear me like this?

Jamal Jenkins:
I don't know, and why would they make up such a lie?

Alejandro 'Alex' Fernandez:
Well, it's not a lie, not exactly, there is a nightlight in my room, but it's for Gaby. Hey, you don't think...

Lenni Frazier:
No way, she's your sister, she wants you to win!

Lenni Frazier:
[the school hall is plastered in smear fliers two days in a row] Oh man!

Alejandro 'Alex' Fernandez:
I thought you said you guys got them all down last night!

Jamal Jenkins:
No way! No way! This is not going to go down like this. We've got to find out WHO is behind all these smear fliers.

Lenni Frazier:
[reads new smear flier] Fried chicken makes Alex cry, how can you vote for such a wimpy guy?

Jamal Jenkins:
Who'd make up something so lame?

Lenni Frazier:
NOBODY would believe this.

Alejandro 'Alex' Fernandez:
Except if it's sort of true.

Jamal Jenkins:
What?

Alejandro 'Alex' Fernandez:
I once had a pet chicken, Naomi.

Lenni Frazier:
Seriously?

Alejandro 'Alex' Fernandez:
A lot of kids do in El Salvador.

Jamal Jenkins:
I guess, why not?

Alejandro 'Alex' Fernandez:
I was 3 years old, when my grandmother accidentally,

Lenni Frazier:
You're kidding!

Alejandro 'Alex' Fernandez:
She cooked Naomi for dinner. I cried for days. [Lenni and Jamal start laughing] It's not funny, Naomi was my pet! How would you like it if somebody deep fried your cat?

Lenni Frazier:
I sure got a lot of great stuff.

Max Frazier:
Well, I've got one more great stuff for you.

Lenni Frazier:
Saved the best for last, huh?

Max Frazier:
That's right.

Lenni Frazier:
[opens gift and finds a copy of Harriet the Spy] Oh, a book. Thanks, Dad.

Max Frazier:
Honey, this is from your mother.

Lenni Frazier:
Mommy?

Max Frazier:
When she was sick, before she died, she thought about you all the time, you know that. She was always trying to figure out ways to tell you how much she loved you, even when she wasn't going to be with us anymore. Harriet the Spy was her favorite book when she was 12, and she wanted you to have it,

Lenni Frazier:
Oh.

Max Frazier:
When you were 12.

Max Frazier:
Honey, this Harriet the Spy is so cool.

Lenni Frazier:
Yeah. Who is she anyway? And how can a kid be a spy? That's impossible.

Max Frazier:
Well, she's this real nosy 12 year old who wants to be a writer, and she can spot a phoney in a second. She spends her time spying on neighbors, running down alleys, hiding in corners, and she's writing in notebooks all the time. And yeah, you're right, it is impossible, real kids don't do things like that, right?

Lenni Frazier:
Oh never.

Max Frazier:
I can't understand why your mom would think you'd be interested in something so ridiculous. [she smiles, he laughs]

Max Frazier:
[during Lenni's party, hangs up the phone] Okay, that was Mrs. Fernandez. [trying to be heard over the music] Guys! Guys! I'm sorry, it's time to go home.

Lenni Frazier:
Aw come on, just a little longer, Dad!

Max Frazier:
[turns off music] No can do, this is a school night, come on.

Alejandro 'Alex' Fernandez:
Aw man, we were just getting started.

Max Frazier:
Aw man, get down, get funky, get out! [laughs] Sorry, we'll do this again.

Estella Fernandez:
[Alex wants to drop out of the election because of the smear campaign] Do you remember when you were first learning to swim? And that boy was teasing you, telling you that you were going to sink, remember? You did not let him stop you. By the end of the summer you could swim better than him.

Alejandro 'Alex' Fernandez:
I can't win, Mama!

Estella Fernandez:
Well maybe you will, and maybe you won't, but don't let anybody *push* you out. You're no quitter.

Max Frazier:
What's so funny, kiddo?

Lenni Frazier:
[reading Harriet the Spy] Huh? Oh, this book, I love it! Thanks, Dad.

Max Frazier:
I guess your mom knew what she was doing after all, huh?

Lenni Frazier:
Yeah. I miss her so much. I don't want to forget her, Dad, but sometimes remembering makes me feel so sad.

Max Frazier:
Yeah, I know, Honey.

Lenni Frazier:
But reading this book, seeing her pictures and notes, I know she was really into Harriet, you know? It's almost like talking with Mom, like being with her.

Max Frazier:
That's great.

Lenni Frazier:
Do you think she knew, Dad? That I'd write songs and have adventures? I mean Harriet's from back when Mom was a kid, but she's so totally cool, do you think Mom could've known that I'd like her?

Max Frazier:
Maybe she did.

Rob Baker:
Who are you?

Ghostwriter:
My friends call me Ghostwriter.

Rob Baker:
Ghostwriter? [types] How do you know my name?

Ghostwriter:
I've read your fine poems.

Rob Baker:
[Annoyed] Hey! [types] My poems are private!

Ghostwriter:
Sorry.

Alejandro "Alex" Fernandez:
[Watches Lenni bake a cake] Can I help?

Lenni Frazier:
You can seperate the eggs.

Alejandro "Alex" Fernandez:
Seperate them from what?

Jamal Jenkins:
Come on, man. Even I know that!

Janice Hall:
[on the computer] Nobody notices Janice. But you can't ignore Max Mouse, can you?