Go

Claire:
Gay men are so hot. It's tragic.

Ronna:
I need a favor.

Todd:
Wow, I didn't know we'd become such good friends, because if we had, you'd know that I give head before I give favors and I don't even give my best friends head so your chances of getting a favor are pretty f***ing slim.

Singh:
Just so we're clear, you stole a car, shot a bouncer, and had sex with two women?

Todd:
Ronna, I just gave you a favor.

Ronna:
And here I just thought you gave me head.

Todd:
You come to me out of the blue, asking to buy 20 hits. Just so happens that 20 being the magic number at which intent to sell becomes trafficking!

Ronna:
Todd, I would never f*** you like that.

Todd:
How would you f*** me?

Tiny:
Yo, I told you, my mother's mother's mother was black!

Marcus:
Your mother's mother's mother, f*** - this ain't "Roots", mutha... Man, I wanna see a picture of this Nubian princess. If you were any less black, you would be clear.

Zack:
It really didn't go as bad as it could have.

Adam:
A girl is dead, Zack.

Zack:
I didn't say it went perfectly.

Todd:
And it's always there, in the lower right hand corner, just waiting to suck.

Victor Sr.:
You know what wakes me up in the middle of the night covered in a cold sweat? Knowing that you aren't any worse than anyone else in your whole screwed up generation. In the old days, you know how you got to the top? Huh? By being better than the guy ahead of you. How do you people get to the top? By being so f***ing incompetent, that the guy ahead of you can't do his job, so he falls on his ass and congratulations, you are now on top. And now the top is down here, it used to be up here... and you don't even know the f***ing difference.

Ronna:
You know what makes it even better? If you take like a lot of pot with it. I mean like, like a lot of pot.

Simon Baines:
He's a good guy.

Marcus:
Oh, he's the good drug dealer.

Burke:
I just want to make a deal. Can we make a deal?

Ronna:
Who the hell are you? Monty Hall?

Zack:
Let's think about this logically. She's either alive, or she's dead.

Ronna:
I could leave something with you. Collateral.

Todd:
I already got a f***in' Swatch.

Zack:
Wait! Stop! Hold it!

Adam:
What? What?

Zack:
It's a Miata!

Simon Baines:
They can't evict you on Christmas! Then you'd be ho-ho-homeless!

Marcus:
Are you happy now? Is your British ass happy?

Mannie:
So... what are we doing for New Years?

Todd:
What do you want for Christmas, Claire?

Claire:
...I don't know.

Todd:
You wanna get laid?

Claire:
No.

Todd:
No, you don't wanna get laid, or no, you do, but you don't wanna get laid - with me?

Tiny:
Her contact lens. it's stuck on the end of my dick

Marcus:
Was it hard or soft?

Tiny:
What, my dick?

Singh:
The contact lens

Stringy Haired Woman:
Don't think you're something you're not. I used to have your job.

Ronna:
Look how far it got you.

Claire:
You're making me an accessory!

Ronna:
Okay Claire, that bracelet of mine you're wearing, that's an accessory.

Adam:
Is it safe to have a radio attached to my balls like this?

Marcus:
I'm not a bathroom attendant!

Todd:
Hey Ronna, how are sales?

Ronna:
Todd, I can explain

Todd:
I'm not going to ask you to. It's not like I'm in a highly ethical industry. But Goddamned, Ronna. You f***ed me over for twenty lousy hits!

Zack:
I need to bathe in sin.

Adam:
With me, or one of your other boyfriends?

Victor Sr.:
Let's gut this motherf***er!

Ronna:
I need a favor.

Todd:
Wow, I didn't know we'd become such good friends, because if we had, you'd know that I give head before I give favors and I don't even give my best friends head so your chances of getting a favor are pretty f***ing slim. Tell me what you wanna buy.

Ronna:
Twenty hits of Ecstasy.

Todd:
You come to me out of the blue, asking to buy 20 hits. Just so happens that 20 being the magic number at which intent to sell becomes trafficking!

Ronna:
Todd, I would never f*** you like that.

Todd:
How would you f*** me?

Burke:
Ronna, hon, do we got a deal here or not?

Ronna:
No, actually, we don't. I came to tell you I couldn't get anything.

Burke:
A resourceful girl like you? I don't believe that.

Ronna:
It's true.

Burke:
I just wanna make a deal here. Can we?

Ronna:
Who the f*** are you? Monty Hall? Did you know I'm only 16? I probably shouldn't be drinking beer. Seeing as I'm so...underage and all?

Todd:
What do you want for Christmas, Claire?

Claire:
I don't know.

Todd:
You wanna get laid?

Claire:
No.

Todd:
No, you don't wanna get laid, or no, you do, but you don't wanna get laid - with me?

Claire:
Look, they'll be here. They'll be here.

Todd:
Are you a virgin?

Claire:
What?

Todd:
Come on, Claire. Answer the question. Answer the question, Claire!

Claire:
[pause] Breakfast Club. I get it. Very funny.

Todd:
Hey Ronna, how are sales?

Ronna:
Todd, I can explain

Todd:
I'm not going to ask you to. It's not like I'm in a highly ethical industry. But Goddamned, Ronna. You f***ed me over for twenty lousy hits!

Ronna:
It's not what it looks like. It sort of is, but it's complicated. Not really. I know I f***ed up, okay? Please...I can make it up to you.

Todd:
I'm the last person you should ask a favor from.

Ronna:
I have the money. I have more than I owe you.

Todd:
So now you're an entrepreneur.

Tiny:
Peep this. This chick's bobbing up and down on my dick like Marilyn Chambers...

Singh:
She found your dick?

Tiny:
Then she moves around the outside. She's painting the tree. It hits her in the eye. And her contact? It's, like, stuck on the end of my dick. Yo, her contact is stuck on the end of my dick!

Marcus:
Was it hard or soft?

Tiny:
What, my dick?

Singh:
The contact lens.

Marcus:
Remember if it was colored? That she had two blue eyes and now one blue and one brown?

Tiny:
What does it matter?

Marcus:
It matters because it happened to me. That was my story. I told that story a year ago, man. The difference is I knew those small details. That and my story was true.

Tiny:
Whatever.

Marcus:
"Whatever"?

Tiny:
Whatever.

Marcus:
What do you mean?

Tiny:
Pull your stinky dinky out of my ass! I was making conversation. F***! Give a n*gger a break!

Marcus:
"N*gger"? What n*gger, this n*gger?

Tiny:
I told you my mother's mother's mother was black.

Marcus:
This ain't Roots. Show me this Nubian's picture.

Tiny:
I don't carry her picture.

Marcus:
If you were less black, you'd be clear.

Tiny:
She was black as night!

Marcus:
Okay, stop! Truce!

Tiny:
Shut up! Man, I see black. I know I am. Color's a state of mind, Marcus.

Marcus:
You know, you're right.

Singh:
Thank you, Rhythm Nation.

Tiny:
F*** you, Vanilla Ice.

Marcus:
The thing is, most people don't know how to make love. They stick it in, move it around till they get off. But what Tantra teaches you is how to deepen, prolong the sexual experience. Bring it to a higher level. If one man in 10 was having the sex I'm having, there'd be no war.

Simon:
What's the longest you two ever did it?

Marcus:
Fourteen hours.

Simon:
Holy sh*t! How many times you shoot?

Marcus:
Not once, man.

Simon:
You didn't go once? Not even at the end?

Marcus:
You redirect the orgasm inside. How long do your orgasms last? Two, three seconds? I've had orgasms that have lasted up to an hour and a half.

Simon:
That's bullshit!

Marcus:
Honest to God and I mean Allah.

Tiny:
Word.

Marcus:
Word.

Simon:
Wait. No love. When'd you last get off?

Marcus:
I haven't ejaculated in six months. Anyone can do it. It just takes discipline.

Tiny:
Bullshit. You're some Obi-Wan Kenobi motherf***er.

Simon:
You call me old school. I'm for coming and going.

Marcus:
Hour and a half.

Marcus:
[as Simon checks into the hotel with a credit card] What the hell you doing with a gold...Todd Gaines? The drug dealer.

Simon:
He gets a discount here. He let me borrow it. He's a good guy.

Marcus:
He's the good drug dealer. Right. Sometimes I get confused.

Simon:
Relax, we're gonna pay cash. That's just to get the room.

Simon:
Lend me some money.

Marcus:
Man, where's your money?

Simon:
I lost it.

Marcus:
We've been here five minutes.

Simon:
I played this game at a $100 table and didn't understand it. Now I do. I figured out how to beat it.

Marcus:
Cool. Give me your wallet.

Simon:
Here you go. What're you doing?

Marcus:
Come back in an hour for it. In an hour, I'll give you your money. Now get out. You're bad luck.

Claire:
Thanks for buying me breakfast. Unless you wanna sit alone, I can...

Todd:
No. Fine.

Claire:
See, I knew you weren't all evil...So, what do you have against The Family Circus?

Todd:
Okay. You sit down and read your paper, and you're enjoying your entire two-page comics spread. Right? And then there's the Family f***ing Circus, bottom right-hand corner, just waiting to suck. And that's the last thing you read, so it spoils everything you read before it.

Claire:
You could just not read it.

Todd:
I hate it, yet I'm uncontrollably drawn to it.

Claire:
You know what I like about you? And it's not your face. You're only medium-cute. But I think it's you're the first non-fake person I've met here. It's kind of nice.

Todd:
Professional curiosity: What are you on?

Claire:
I'm serious.

Todd:
So am I. What are you on?

Claire:
Ginseng and Dexatrim. You know what I like best about Christmas? The surprises. You get this box and you're sure you know what's inside. You shake it, weigh it, convinced you have it pegged. No doubt in your mind. But then you open it up, and it's different. You know. Wow! Bang! Surprise! It's kind of like you and me here, you know? I'm not saying it's anything it's not. Come on, this time yesterday, who would've thunk it?